Archive for May, 2014

Blogger Embraces Statistics, Statistics Totally Hug Him Back

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As the star writer here at NotGraphs, I am known for certain things.

Prime among them is my star writing.

To wit: The Big Dipper is big. In addition, it dips.

Also: Orion is very Orion-y. It is more Orion-y than Taurus, that’s for sure. 

Also too: Betelgeuse is really sort of annoying. First of all, it’s way too loud. Like Chris Russo loud. And frankly, I don’t much care for Geena Davis.

Also in addition to too: Beta Virginis, a star in the constellation Virgo, has a surface gravity of 4.25 cgs, “c” being the basic unit of measurement for “carloads” and “gs” for “Garry Shandlings.”

What I am not known for – yet! – is a rigorous devotion to advanced statistics.

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The Most Impressive Pitches of the Last Week, Per Science

Recently, in these pages — and for reasons that oughtn’t be explored in any depth — the author attempted to construct an objective methodology by which to identify the most transcendent pitch from the previous day. So far as errands are concerned, this particular one was the sort most readily undertaken by a fool.

And yet, because he’s the sort of person who doesn’t learn from, but prefers rather to indulge in, his failures, this same author has returned a week later with a view, once again, to identifying (again, by objective means) the league’s most impressive pitches — in this case, from the past week.

What I won’t discuss here specifically are the shortcomings of that last attmept. Because they’re self-evident, is one reason. And because the thought of doing so bores me to whatever is right after death, is another.

What I will discuss, however, just below, is the criteria I’ve employed for this particular exercise — which exercise is little more than an attempt, really, to reverse engineer the aesthetic tastes a fan might have so far as impressive pitches are concerned.

To accomplish that, what I’ve done is:

1. Identified all pitches from the past week thrown for a swinging third strike*, the logic being that batters tend to be most protective of the strike zone with two strikes and therefore pitchers must demonstrate excellence even harder; and then

2. Calculated and then averaged together the z-scores both for velocity and break length** of all those aforementioned pitches, the logic being that it becomes easier to produce greater break at lower velocities — and that, therefore, pitches which exhibit a relatively high velocity compared to break length are probably more impressive; and then

3. Because the PITCHf/x classifications aren’t always entirely accurate, identified the highest z-score from each general pitch category — so, therefore, the best fastball (including four-seamers, two-seamers, and sinkers), best breaking ball (including sliders and curveballs), and offspeed pitch (including changeups and splitters). The issue of cutters — which sometimes more resemble fastballs and sometimes more resemble sliders — I have ignored completely, hoping it would sort itself out.

*Unless said pitch was thrown to a pitcher who was batting, in which case it was disqualified from consideration in this very important endeavor.

**About which one can read more here.

Fastball
Pitcher: Evan Marshall, RHP, Arizona (Profile)
Batter: Scooter Gennett   Date: Tuesday, May 6th
Velocity: 94.7 mph   Break: 7.8 in.

Footage:

Marshall to Scooter 2

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Variations on the Same Dumb Joke Based On My Current Geographic Location That I Keep Making to Torture My Family

Heaven

I have traveled to Iowa City this weekend to check out what will soon be my new home town. I have brought with me my wife and seven-year old son. As a dad, I have a limited repertoire of jokes. Here is what my family has had to endure:

Is this Heaven? No, we’re still in Wisconsin.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s Dubuque, “one of the few large cities in Iowa with hills.”

Is this Heaven? No, Heaven doesn’t have road construction.

Is this Heaven? I imagine Heaven would be more heavily populated.

Is this Heaven? Why would Heaven need this much corn?

Is this Heaven? Given that it’s currently raining water, and not bourbon, I would say no.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s a Buffalo Wild Wings.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s a 7:00 showing of Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s a Sheraton.

Is this Heaven? We are sorry. MLB.TV has determined that you are located inside one of the applicable Club’s home television territories and are therefore blacked out of the Heaven you have selected. Live audio of this Heaven is available as part of your MLB.TV subscription.

This has been “Mike makes you as sick of him as his family is.”


Baseball Article Experiencing Brain Delay

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MINNEAPOLIS — The baseball article scheduled for May 8th from author David G Temple is currently on hold, due to an unusually-long brain delay.

The situation was touch and go leading up to posting, but as the deadline approached, it became clear the article would not start on time.

“We were just kind of waiting around, hanging out on the keyboard,” said the author’s fingers. “We really wanted to get out there and start going through our usual motions, but I guess it isn’t going to happen today.”

A high-pressure system of writer’s block along with reports of some light depression to the west sealed the fate of the article long before it began.

The author’s eyes also had a hunch that the article wasn’t going to happen.

“When we saw the PlayStation controller come out, we knew it would be a while until things got started,” the eyes said. “When you see the video game crews, that’s never a good sign.”

Officials hope to be able to schedule two articles for May 9th, if the brain cooperates.

“We hope two squeeze two in tomorrow,” they said. “Hopefully that doesn’t upset the editor too much, but we doubt he pays much attention anyway.”


The Top Ten Kevin Costner Baseball Films

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Ranking the top ten Kevin Costner baseball films of all time.

1. Bull Durham (1988)

All-time classic captures the humor and magic of baseball like no other. Costner is a veteran minor-league catcher who finds himself in a love triangle with the loose-cannon pitcher he’s been called down to mentor and the team groupie who’s set her sights on conquering them both.

2. Field of Dreams (1989)

Unabashedly sentimental but irresistibly endearing, this adaptation of Kinsella’s novel channels Frank Capra and unleashes the full range of Costner’s charm, while giving Shoeless Joe Jackson the immortality he deserves.

3. For Love of the Game (1999)

Uneven, hokey date movie features Costner as aging pitcher at a crossroads, his mind wandering as he hurls a perfect game.

4. The Upside of Anger (2005)

One of Costner’s finest performances, as a retired baseball player and alcoholic who gets involved with his single-mom neighbor.

5. The Postman (1997)

This movie, which no one ever saw or will admit to seeing, may or may not have starred Costner as slumping slugger and notorious bad-boy Jerry “Postman” Patton, who learns a few life lessons during a reluctant stint in Japan.

6. A League of Their Own (1992)

Family favorite features Costner in the role he was born to play, as washed-up alcoholic seeking unlikely redemption at the helm of an all-female baseball team.

7. Dead Pull (1991)

Aging star pitcher and affable alcoholic Bruce “Cheddar” Myers (Costner) gets one more shot at glory — only to find himself the target of a twisted murder plot. Legendary climax features Myers being run over by a train en route to his first World Series start, only to make an unexpected entrance, lead his team to victory, foil the conspirators in the opposing dugout, and win back the heart of his long-time sweetheart (a lonely and streetwise Annette Bening).

8. Robin Yount: Prince of Brewers (2001)

Underrated biopic follows “The Kid” from teenage phenom to reflective coach. Co-starring Dermot Mulroney as Paul Molitor.

9. Shagging Flies (1979)

Forgettable teen romp features Costner in his acting debut, portraying a randy fraternity brother who parlays his college baseball skills into a string of sexual escapades.

10. Bull Tijuana (1996)

An ill-advised attempt to recapture the Bull Durham magic, this dud finds a washed-up Crash Davis in the Mexican League, where he mentors the unpredictable “El Nuque” La Luz (Luis Guzman) while grappling with an irascible manager (Cheech Marin) and a seductive groupie (Salma Hayek).


Bob Gibson is walking toward you…

Robert “Bob” Gibson is walking toward you.

His fastball has been described as “blazing,” which doesn’t do it justice, but that doesn’t much matter now — Bob Gibson doesn’t seem like he will be using his fastball. His slider would make you buckle into a heap of flesh, make you faint — which makes you wish he would throw it — you don’t want to be conscious when Bob Gibson gets to you — but that isn’t happening either. Bob Gibson is walking toward you.

Where is your spine, you ask yourself. It seems to have fled — and you’d be wise to follow it if you were capable of movement. Or, your spine has changed into something other than bone — a windsock, perhaps. Your spine has become a windsock because Bob Gibson is walking towards you.

Bob Gibson saw such a windsock once when he was in high school. It wiggled lazily in the breeze and then tried to lay down a bunt on him. You know what Bob Gibson did to that windsock then? He ate it. Bob Gibson ate that windsock, and now he is going to eat your windsock spine after he rips it from your rice-paper flesh. Yes, as Bob Gibson walks toward you, it appears he has an appetite for a windsock. Bob Gibson has been craving windsock since he ate that windsock back in high school.

Bob Gibson is walking toward you. Or, you assume he is still walking toward you. All you can see now is stars, so you don’t really know for sure. All you can hear is something like the rhythmic thump of shovelfuls of soil hitting a casket top. Are you in the casket? Are you a blind bystander at your own funeral?

You are a speck of dung nestled in the turf, and Bob Gibson has walked right over you.


eBay’s Five Most Marvelous and Currently Available Ballcaps

To the extent that it’s responsible both for an aphid that nearly destroyed France’s entire wine industry once and also the whole Fast and Furious media franchise, it’s probably fair to say that not every export produced on US soil is full exclusively of virtue.

One entirely unassailable American invention, however, is the baseball cap — consummate examples of which important garment the author has considered in some depth at different points over the past couple months.

What follows is another installment in that series — and, specifically, of five such ballcaps as are currently available for purchase by way of internet auction house eBay.com.

***

Atlanta BCs

Atlanta Black Crackers Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: 2 days, 3 hours
Cost: US $9.99 (Starting Bid) / US $14.99 (Buy It Now)

Former NBA point guard Jason Williams was known by the sobriquet White Chocolate on account of how, despite his pigmentation, he played a brand of basketball much more commonly found (according to former Sacramento Kings media coordinator Stephanie Shepard) on the playgrounds of Chicago. Black Cracker, one notes, is somehow both the same as and also the opposite of White Chocolate.

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The Sad State of Ricky Nolasco’s Season

From Rotoworld:

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Number of strikeouts Nolasco has had in previous starts:

3/31: -1

4/6: The number of moons orbiting the Earth, minus 3

4/12: Prince Fielder’s batting average minus Prince Fielder’s listed weight

4/18: Prince Fielder’s batting average minus Prince Fielder’s actual weight

4/24: Derek Jeter’s OPS+ minus 100

5/2: The number of fans the Braves are hoping to attract to their new ballpark who actually live in the city of Atlanta

(more negative numbers are welcome in the comments)


Jayson Werth, Channeling Woody’s Allen’s Sexual Magnetism

Anyone who has made a priority of acquainting him- or herself with the top jams of American cinema will recognize the following as a brief excerpt from the scene in Woody Allen’s 1975 film Love and Death in which Allen’s character Boris attempts to seduce the very ample Countess Alexandrovna at a performance of Mozart’s The Magic Flute.

Allen Tongue

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The Straight (and Quick!) Poop on American Invention

Victory

If you’ve watched the MLB Network for more than 12 consecutive minutes, you’ve seen the commercial for the revolutionary Speed Hitter. Now, inspired by the ad-driven success of said Speed Hitter, another enterprising go-getter has tapped the entrepreneurial spirit that makes America what it is – i.e., not Antarctica, which ranks first in per capita frostbite but dead last in entrepreneurship – by inventing an inventive invention that will “wipe out” – ha! – the competition.

{Opening scene of commercial: Beset with exasperation, a young man is sitting on an American Standard flush toilet. His pants, not to mention his boxers, are around his ankles. On closer inspection, we see that he is reading a comprehensive treatise, complete with graphs and illustrations, on the scourge of constipation.}

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