eBay’s Five Most Marvelous and Currently Available Ballcaps

To the extent that it’s responsible both for an aphid that nearly destroyed France’s entire wine industry once and also the whole Fast and Furious media franchise, it’s probably fair to say that not every export produced on US soil is full exclusively of virtue.

One entirely unassailable American invention, however, is the baseball cap — consummate examples of which important garment the author has considered in some depth at different points over the past couple months.

What follows is another installment in that series — and, specifically, of five such ballcaps as are currently available for purchase by way of internet auction house eBay.com.

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Atlanta Black Crackers Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: 2 days, 3 hours
Cost: US $9.99 (Starting Bid) / US $14.99 (Buy It Now)

Former NBA point guard Jason Williams was known by the sobriquet White Chocolate on account of how, despite his pigmentation, he played a brand of basketball much more commonly found (according to former Sacramento Kings media coordinator Stephanie Shepard) on the playgrounds of Chicago. Black Cracker, one notes, is somehow both the same as and also the opposite of White Chocolate.

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Burlington Bees 90s Deadstock Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: N/A
Cost: US $34.60 (Buy It Now)

One fact regarding the Burlington Bees is that they are different, apparently, than the Vermont Lake Monsters — a club, the latter one, based in Burlington, Vermont. It was originally the author’s intention to make a droll and passing comment to the effect he’d compelled his wife to attend a Lake Monsters game while on his honeymoon with that same wife — a passing comment which has been rendered irrelevant now, apparently, due to the existence of dumb Burlinton, Iowa.

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Howard University Bisons 90s Deadstock (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: N/A
Cost: US $25.55 (Buy It Now)

The author is quoting himself when he says that “race ain’t nothing but a number” — a sentiment which is both (a) beautiful and also (b) largely (if not entirely) devoid of literal meaning. What race actually is is a thing to which people pay considerable attention — which is only one of the reasons why that same (super white) author probably shouldn’t wear this hat bearing the name of a reputable and also historically black university.

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Kentucky Wildcats 80s Script Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: N/A
Cost: US $23.12 (Buy It Now)

This is a University of Kentucky cap featuring a braided cord across the visor and the word Kentucky in winding script across the front panels.

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Other, Totally Different Kentucky Wildcats 80s Script Hat (Link)
Style: Snapback
Time Left: N/A
Cost: US $23.12 (But It Now)

This is another, totally different University of Kentucky cap featuring a braided cord across the visor but, in this case, the word Wildcats in winding script across the front panels.