As the star writer here at NotGraphs, I am known for certain things.
Prime among them is my star writing.
To wit: The Big Dipper is big. In addition, it dips.
Also: Orion is very Orion-y. It is more Orion-y than Taurus, that’s for sure.
Also too: Betelgeuse is really sort of annoying. First of all, it’s way too loud. Like Chris Russo loud. And frankly, I don’t much care for Geena Davis.
Also in addition to too: Beta Virginis, a star in the constellation Virgo, has a surface gravity of 4.25 cgs, “c” being the basic unit of measurement for “carloads” and “gs” for “Garry Shandlings.”
What I am not known for – yet! – is a rigorous devotion to advanced statistics.
To wit: I once sang, “You’re once, twice, three times a lady” to a ficus.
Also: I once claimed, with regard to our relationship, that the ficus had not given 110 percent.
Also too: I once gave Betelgeuse 2.8 thumbs down.
Also in addition to too: I once boasted that I could throw a baseball “a country mile,” despite the fact that I lived in a very large city and also despite the other fact that I had an IQ of 287 and a barometric pressure of 4.
And so, in efforts to add luminosity to my already luminous star power, I hereby present some statistics as I have come to know them, advanced-wise.
– The Yankees, as of this writing, are 18-0 when leading after nine innings.
– The Angels are 0-0 in games that haven’t started.
– The Marlins have an ERA.
– The Cubs also have an ERA.
– The word “Orioles” does not contain a numeral, unless you count the “O” as a “0.”
– Home runs often travel hundreds (100s) of feet.
– Game time is 7:10, unless you are on the West Coast.
– One hundred percent of baseball games are split evenly between two teams.
– Success is 99 percent perspiration unless you’re in Arlington, where it’s 100.
– The Brewers are in first (1st) place, also known as being “number 1.”
– The A’s play in a stadium called O.co, which is a decimal.
– If a player gets three hits in 10 at-bats, he will go to the Hall of Fame.
– Jose Abreu weighs a lot. You can look it up.
– The odds of having Minnesota twins are 3.3 percent. I looked it up.
– Chances are often good that the tying run is 90 feet away.
– Chances are also often good that this could be two.
– Chances are likewise often good that this one (1) could be trouble.
– Blink-182 is a band. As is 311. They are from Omaha, Nebraska.
– The word “Omaha” has an “O” in it. Just think about that for a second.
– Actually, think about that for 4.2 seconds.
John Paschal is a regular contributor to The Hardball Times and The Hardball Times Baseball Annual.