Here at NotGraphs, we like to write the words “Here at NotGraphs.” This helps to distinguish us from people at other locations – people who might write the words “Here at Mensa” or “Here at Sticky Steve’s Wonderful World of Gently Pre-Owned Hustler Magazines.” Here at NotGraphs, writing “Here at NotGraphs” also gives us a shared identity, even if, here at NotGraphs, we actually live far apart from each other and only rarely invite the others over for pepper pickling or quilt quilting. (This is to say nothing of pepper quilting, which, if done incorrectly, can sting.)
Here at NotGraphs, this inclination to write “Here at NotGraphs” also serves to remind us that, you know, we really do write for NotGraphs, often in the same calendar week and always with the same source material, i.e., Shecky Greene’s Wonderful World of Gently Pre-Owned Jokes, even though there is no actual here here. Sadly, however, this sharing of identity and material will have its rendering unto immutable history when upon the final out of Joe Buck’s Global Series of Base-ball our blog shall notch its appointment with the executioner.
Here at NotGraphs, we will no longer be here at NotGraphs.
And so, in recognition of the many achievements here at NotGraphs, and in a valediction to the writers who are still – what’s the word I’m looking for here? – here (sort of), I present to you the First (And Last) Notty Awards.
Exit through the gift shop.
Best Writer Of A Post About The First And Last Notty Awards
John Paschal
Best Editor Of A Post About First And Lust Notty Awards
John Paschal
Best Writer Who Goes By The Name Carson Cistulli
Carson Cistulli
Best Writer Whose Name Includes That Of A U.S. State
Mississippi Matt Smith, Iowa Mike Bates (tie)
Best Writer Whose Name Evokes The State Of Iowa
Iowa Mike Bates, Patrick Dubuque (tie)
Best Use Of A Middle Initial
David G. Temple, Robert J. Baumann, Carson C. Stulli (tie)
Best Misspelling Of The Name “Dane”
Eno Sarris
Best Alternate Spelling Of The Name “Dane”
Navin Vaswani, Dayn Perry (tie)
Best Englishman Living In Central Mexico
Craig Robinson, Nigel Smythe-Gonzalez (tie)
Best Non-Englishman Living In The United States
’Murcan John Paschal
Best Writer To Enter Witness Protection As Rolando Blackman
Jeremy Blachman
Best Writer Whose Name Sounds Like That Of A Network Anchor
Zach Reynolds
Best Writer Whose Name Could Have Been Spelled “Zack”
Zach Reynolds, Dayn Perry (tie)
Best Writer Whose Surname Includes The Word For A Distilled Liquor
Bradley Woodrum, Bradley Steeltequila (tie)
Best Writer Whose First Name Is “Bradley”
Bradley Woodrum, Bradley Steeltequila (tie)
Best Writer Whose Surname Is The Word For A Place Of Worship
David G. Temple, Patrick Dubuque (tie)
Best Writer At Assuming Dubuque, Iowa, Has Many Places Of Worship
John Paschal, Pat Robertson (tie)
Best Writer At Not Actually Writing For NotGraphs
Pat Robertson, Nigel Smythe-Rodriguez, Rodney Steeltequila (tie)
Best Writer Of The Hopeless Joe Series
Hopeless Joe (accepting for Mr. Joe will be Rolando Blackman)
Best Writer Of The Ironic Jersey Omnibus Series
Patrick Dubuque (accepting for Mr. Dubuque will be Patrick Des Moines)
Best Writer Of Minimalist Short Fiction Starring Adrian Beltre
Adrian Beltre (with Dayn Perry and Mitch Albom)
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