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There are a couple dynamics at play here. For one, we’re merely days from pitchers and catchers reporting; as a result, things to file a column on are bone dry. We have innings eaters swapping locales, a summary of the offseason’s best deals,  wishing happy trails to an underappreciated 43-year-old, and the dispelling of various rumors, most of which are asinine and drummed up for content. See the irony?

But today, I’d like to get romantic about statistics. Ever get lost inside the stats? I do. So join me in pushing up our nerd glasses today as I take a look at some of the hitting stat lines that pique my interest when I’m checking out a hitter’s stat sheet. In the interest of full disclosure, this post was in part inspired by a NotGraphs piece penned by Patrick Newman.

The .3xx/.4xx/.5xx triple-slash.

For me, this slash is probably the most pleasing to behold. It’s not the most productive of the stat lines that we’ll examine today, but there’s something — at least to me — about the consistency. The 3-4-5 suggests first of all, pretty good contact. How many everyday — albeit, dated — adages suggest hitting .300 is pretty dang good? The .4xx suggests a few things; for one, getting on base 40 percent of the time is elite, pretty much no matter how you slice it. Secondly, it shows a discerning eye at the plate. Assuming the hitter wasn’t .380/.405/.500, he’ll have to have good discipline to go with his contact to fulfill the first pair in this triple slash.

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It’s a long running fantasy of mine and of my friends to build a comprehensive, dramatic film about MLB. Often this includes spinoffs — most recently one that features Razor Shines and Rance Mulliniks as ballplayers by night, buddy cops by day/late night, complete with Derek Bell as a no-nonsense Chief of Police. (Very possibly, a outline for this “film project” will appear at NotGraphs in the near future.)

Chief Bell

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We’ve seen how great access, paired with the newest analytics, can be the future of blogging. Ted Berg of SNY took the newest in catcher defense research to the park with him and talked it over with Mike Nickeas, the Mets’ backup catcher. David Laurila does this every day. The two pieces Ryan Campbell wrote about Brandon McCarthy and his pitching mix were also great examples of this.

But what happens when increased access leads to stories that are less favorable to the team in question? That describes the situation in New York right now, and it looks like the independent freelance blogger/journalist is the one that loses out when David meets Goliath.

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The Braves have a new weekend home uniform. See if you can follow this:

The initial plan is to wear it for Saturday and Sunday home games.

The Braves’ red jerseys worn for Sunday home games in recent years will be switched to Friday home games…. Traditional white home uniforms will be worn Monday through Thursday.

For road games, grey uniforms will continue to be the Braves’ primary garb, and the team will wear its navy blue alternate road jerseys when the starting pitcher chooses.

Unlike with the navy and red jerseys, the new uniform has matching pants the same color as the jersey. The Braves will wear their regular red-billed cap with the new uniforms.

“As is the case in a lot of clubhouses, if a starting pitcher really strongly feels like he wants to wear those [new uniforms for a non-weekend game], then we’ll have that discussion and if it makes sense, we will,” [Exec VP of sales and marketing] Schiller said. “But the plan is, we’ll definitely be wearing them Saturdays and Sundays.”

I’m finding it hard to imagine what that discussion might look like, and what factors might go into it making or not making sense to wear the new creme-colored uniform instead of, say, the white one.

JAIR JURRJENS: “I know it’s Wednesday, but I’d really like to wear the new creme-colored uniform today. It highlights the color of my eyes.”

DEREK SCHILLER, EXEC VP: “Jair, you know David Ross is catching today, and that new uniform reminds him of a deep childhood trauma involving egg nog.”

JURRJENS: “Oh, yeah, that new color does look like egg nog. I don’t care. David’s tough. He’ll get over it. I feel strongly. I’m trying to impress a new lady friend.”

SCHILLER: “I understand, but former President Jimmy Carter has a ticket for tonight’s game, and he specifically told me he’d be wearing his white jersey shirt. Do you want to make the former President look like he didn’t properly coordinate with the team’s uniform?”

JURRJENS: “I don’t think he’d care.”

SCHILLER: “We need to wear the white uniforms to celebrate National Glue Day.”

JURRJENS: “That’s not really a holiday, Derek.”

SCHILLER: “We forgot to do the laundry.”

JURRJENS: “Oh. Okay.”

To Whom It May Concern:

Hello. This is J.G. Taylor Spink Award winner and New York Times baseball scribe emeritus Murray Chass. I am writing to inquire about the open position in the “MLB Fan Cave” for which I have received numerous electronic mail solicitations.

With respect to my qualifications for the position, I think my curriculum vitae speaks for itself. Let me repeat: J.G. Taylor Spink, New York Times, Associated Press, BBWAA, etc. I have enclosed a copy herewith.

Now that we have those formalities out of the way, I would like to discuss my vision for this year’s cave as well as the terms and conditions under which I will accept your offer for employment for the 2012 season.

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File this one under “Songs, Breakup.”  Keep your chin up Milwaukee.

Adam Dunn was at SoxFest over the weekend, talking about his disaster of a 2011 season:

“I thought I’d be able to go back home [in the offseason] and blow it off and forget about it.”

Source: ESPN

Now, he admits he couldn’t quite forget about it, and he’s been hitting in an indoor cage, and ESPN reports “he may have dropped a few pounds, but nothing too significant.”

Is this a little less anguish than someone who hit .159 should be experiencing? He went 6-for-94 against lefties. That’s only 6 more hits than I could have in 94 at-bats against lefties. If I was Adam Dunn, maybe I would have spent my offseason trying to figure out how my year went so terribly wrong– do some research, watch some video, see some doctors, talk to a therapist, I don’t know. And maybe he did all of that, but, “I thought I’d be able to go back home and blow it off and forget about it” ??? That struck me as a slightly bizarre comment. Crap, I just had a season that may well indicate the end of my time as a productive baseball player, with really no indication in the statistical line that this was a fluke. But, eh, I thought I’d just try and forget about it.

Inside Adam Dunn’s head sounds like a very peaceful place to be.

Razor Shines was not a very good Major League Baseball player. He accrued 88 big league plate appearances over four years with the Montreal Expos, which cost his teams 0.6 Wins.

But as you can see here, we was awesome in many other ways.

Joke’s on you: I’m awesome.

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With few job prospects left in the world of professional baseball, it is no secret that Jose Canseco is desperate to find steady employment. Having somehow caught wind of the fact that NotGraphs writers are compensated handsomely for their efforts, late last night Canseco dropped us a line…well, several lines. They are posted below. 

It’s not as if Canseco is wholly unqualified to blog (indeed, one of the great things about blogging is that anyone can do it), as he has “written” two books. In my opinion, it is an offer worth seriously considering.

Just saw the movie money ball.

Carson is probably as good looking as jonah hill

I am going to blog this year.

Carson cistulli call me would love to blog for you just give me a tryout that’s all I ask

Carson cistulli email me Jc7264@yahoo.com

Bloggers love bill James and the Red Sox hired him .that’s from the movie money ball .bloggers love me maybe they can hire me

Is a little tryout to much to ask for

I guess murderers and child molestors get more chances than I do

I have one tattoo. It’s the tattoo equivalent of of one of those Best Friends Forever necklaces that thirteen year old girls buy at Claire’s at the mall: my best friend Mandy and I got them together and they both say “heart.” It’s on my wrist (get it? … I wear my heart on my sleeve) and I love it. It’s so cheesy and it makes me smile every time I look down at it and remember the insane personal pitcher drinking, jukebox memorizing, dive bar crying, talking shit about boys bender we were on together around the time we got them.

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