Author Archive

Commercials of Interest

“Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I’ve said before, bugs in amber.”  
-Kurt Vonnegut

During the Super Bowl last night a commercial for Vinson Mortgage aired on St. Louis local television, which gently reminded us that life is fleeting, Pujols is a heel, and, most importantly, that interest rates will not always be this low.  This commercial is below.  Carpe Diem.

Thanks Jesse – the fireworks at the next Notgraphs picnic will be dedicated to you, my friend.

Baseball Prank Lesson #4: Bread As Bait

To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don’t know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.
-Pablo Neruda, “And because Love battles”

Having bread is good.  Not having bread is bad.  Discovering that there is a snake where you previously assumed there was bread is the worst.  You are not alone Deion Sanders, you are not misunderstood, you are a glorious grain of humanity and I wish you all the bread in the world.

Good-bye, Sweet Prince

File this one under “Songs, Breakup.”  Keep your chin up Milwaukee.

Baseball at the Oscars

Moneyball had a big day yesterday, garnering a surprise six Academy Award nominations, including nods in four of the bigger categories: Best Actor, Best Actor in a Supporting Role, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Picture.  It’s nice to see a baseball movie get this kind of recognition, but nobody should really expect the movie to actually win anything, because 1) the movie wasn’t really that good, and 2) baseball movies, when they get nominated (which is rare), tend to fare abysmally in the final voting.  To whit:

 The Pride of the Yankees (1942) received 11 nominations, including Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Actress.  It won only one, Daniel Mandell for Best Film Editing.

The Natural (1984) received four nominations, including Glenn Close for Best Supporting Actress.  It won none.

Bull Durham (1988) received only one (!) nomination for Best Original Screenplay.  It lost to Rain Man.

Field of Dreams (1989) received three nominations, including Best Picture.  It won none, losing best picture to Driving Miss Daisy.

-Vincent Gardenia earned a Best Supporting Actor nomination for Bang The Drum Slowly (1973).  He lost to John Houseman in The Paper Chase.

The closest baseball has had to a major Oscar victory is when Robin Williams won Best Supporting Actor for Good Will Hunting in 1997.  “I just slid my ticket across the table and I said ‘Sorry guys, I gotta see about a girl.'”

The 5 Worst Pitchers’ Duels of 2011

Last week Bill James gave to the internets this gift: a list of the 100 best pitchers’ duels of 2011.  Today I give to the internets my own small trinket of affection – the 5 worst pitchers’ duels of 2011.   Grantland touted James’ piece as ‘A totally, utterly, insanely completist list from the godfather of baseball stats’; none of those words have any business here.

James offers four criteria of a pitchers’ duel: low-scoring game, quality pitchers on the mound, pitchers pitch well, and something is at stake.  I offer only one criteria of a bad pitchers’ duel – a lot of runs are scored.  The more the better.

1.  May 16th, Cleveland at Kansas City.

Royals’ starter Kyle Davies stuck around long enough to get just one out, giving up two runs.  Nate Adcock took the game to the third inning, giving up only one run.  Vin Mazzaro pitched two and 1/3, giving up 14 runs, which is, literally, the worst pitching performance in baseball history.  Mazzaro after the game:  “It’s tough.  It was a tough game.”  Yes.  Indians win 19-1.

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Rappers and Baseball Hats: NL Central

Wherein I continue to milk this gimmick for all it’s worth.  Today, rappers doing baseball stuff all things National League Central.

Houston Astros

Houston has a pretty good rap game going, but not a great picture-taking/uploading/archiving of rappers wearing Astros hat going, so you get Paul Wall in jorts.

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“The Adventures of Batboy!”

Presenting “The Adventures of Batboy!”:

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Rappers and Baseball Hats: NL East, Part 1

Wherein I take the easy way out and post this video, which, among other things, is the best Atlanta Braves advertisement ever, and probably NSFW (unless you work at a strip club).

Baseball Prank Lesson #3: Deception

All warfare is based on deception.  Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.

– Sun Tzu

And We Shall Call Him Swag

It’s been a long December, but there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last, and that reason is Bryce Harper’s new puppy #Swag.

Hi Swag!:

Hi again Swag!!:

Let us now celebrate this momentous occasion with the adding of chocolate to milk.