Eddie Gaedel[e] has gotten a decent number of mentions at the FanGraphs subsidiaries and elsewhere. As I noted last week, poet and biographer Tom Clark has a long poem about him.

I am not here to weigh in on whether rostering little people constitutes a demeaning gimmick or is the answer to a market inefficiency in baseball.

Instead, I am here to offer you an opportunity to hold Eddie Gaedel’s real life game-worn jockstrap.^[1] You need only travel to the Baseball Reliquary in Monrovia, California where it is safely housed.

Smell it.

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With few job prospects left in the world of professional baseball, it is no secret that Jose Canseco is desperate to find steady employment. Having somehow caught wind of the fact that NotGraphs writers are compensated handsomely for their efforts, late last night Canseco dropped us a line…well, several lines. They are posted below. 

It’s not as if Canseco is wholly unqualified to blog (indeed, one of the great things about blogging is that anyone can do it), as he has “written” two books. In my opinion, it is an offer worth seriously considering.

Just saw the movie money ball.

Carson is probably as good looking as jonah hill

I am going to blog this year.

Carson cistulli call me would love to blog for you just give me a tryout that’s all I ask

Carson cistulli email me Jc7264@yahoo.com

Bloggers love bill James and the Red Sox hired him .that’s from the movie money ball .bloggers love me maybe they can hire me

Is a little tryout to much to ask for

I guess murderers and child molestors get more chances than I do

On the occasion of his signing with the Mariners, a hand-crafted, artisanal snap regarding the aged Kevin Millwood.

The Author: Kevin Millwood is so old he’s got a negative Player ID number on FanGraphs.

All Gathered: Oh, snap.

Also: Rapturous applause.

The nomination process — the bloody, gristly, indisputably felonious nomination process — is done. And our appointed and empowered and empaneled think tank, The Institute for the Right-Wise and Permissible, has winnowed the list down to 10 names, each of which is right-wise and permissible. So vote correctly, lest a stew be made of your loins and children …

Thank you for exercising the franchise, dead man.

1) He’s serious.

2) He was involved in one of the craziest plays in the history of baseball.

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Listen, bespectacled reader, we don’t need to discuss the specific course of events that have led me to watch the above footage — from a June 2011 baseball game between the Cardinals and Giants — this footage of Maikel Cleto striking out Nate Schierholtz over and over and over again on a frigid Wisconsin night. Let’s just all agree that it’s the sort of thing that’d happen to anyone who happens to find himself with a digestif in one hand and a computer mouse in the other.

In any case, please take this opportunity to welcome both Maikel Cleto and what is probably his 92 mph two-seam fastball into your world. And your pants, too. If you’re into that sort of thing.

As noted earlier in these pages, managing editor Dave Cameron made his second — and probably final, because he’s a weirdo’s weird — appearance on MLB Network program Clubhouse Confidential, hosted by the vigorously coiffed Brian Kenny.

For the busy executives among us, a brief account of the footage above (kindly made available by MLB.com):

Coy Smile: 0:21

Nervous Swallow: 0:57, 1:29, 2:04

Frog Mouth: 2:05

Blinks: N/A*

Crack Analysis: Whole Thing

*At least so far as I can tell from a single viewing. Seriously, I’m not gonna spend my whole night watching this, people.

Casey McGehee or Sterling Honorheart?

Both are there for those with nowhere left to turn. Both stand when a lady enters the room. Both would prefer not to fight but will if pressed. Both eat their vegetables and have firm handshakes. Both begin each morning with deep knee bends and prayer. Both shall take back the streets.

I must ask again: Casey McGehee or Sterling Honorheart?

(Bang and a boom: Lifetime Topps)

As someone who hangs on NotGraphs’ every word and doesn’t read any other websites and won’t ever leave me otherwise you-know-what will happen, you’ll remember the footage embedded here of managing editor Dave Cameron’s inaugural appearance on last Monday’s edition of MLB Network’s Clubhouse Confidential.

While interested parties have noted many flaws with Cameron’s appearance (like, for example, the whole face part of his body), a great deal of attention has been focused on the frequency with which Cameron blinks — which is to say, “almost never.”

The present author counts two of them (i.e. blinks) — one at the 0:37 mark, and another at 2:30 — plus a nose scratch at 0:23 that maybe is or is not accompanied by a third blink.

In any case, this important information is relevant to your life insofar as Dave Cameron is making another appearance on Clubhouse Confidential tonight — one that we can scrutinize in ways that ultimately contribute to Cameron’s burgeoning body dysmorphia.

The show airs at 5:30pm ET, again at 7:30pm ET, and then a third time in a fever dream you’re gonna have tonight.

Last week Bill James gave to the internets this gift: a list of the 100 best pitchers’ duels of 2011.  Today I give to the internets my own small trinket of affection – the 5 worst pitchers’ duels of 2011.   Grantland touted James’ piece as ‘A totally, utterly, insanely completist list from the godfather of baseball stats’; none of those words have any business here.

James offers four criteria of a pitchers’ duel: low-scoring game, quality pitchers on the mound, pitchers pitch well, and something is at stake.  I offer only one criteria of a bad pitchers’ duel – a lot of runs are scored.  The more the better.

1.  May 16th, Cleveland at Kansas City.

Royals’ starter Kyle Davies stuck around long enough to get just one out, giving up two runs.  Nate Adcock took the game to the third inning, giving up only one run.  Vin Mazzaro pitched two and 1/3, giving up 14 runs, which is, literally, the worst pitching performance in baseball history.  Mazzaro after the game:  “It’s tough.  It was a tough game.”  Yes.  Indians win 19-1.

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