1. Willie Mays
2. Willie Mays Hayes
3. George W. Bush
4. Al Gore
5. George H.W. Bush
6. Mitt Romney*
7. Mark Grace
8. Manny Acta
9. Bobby Valentine
10. Daisuke Matsuzaka
*If he does not receive a qualified offer tomorrow.
In 2013, the Houston Astros will be switching from the NL Central to the AL West. While time has eroded most of the differences between the two leagues, there are still some customs and rules particular to the American League of Professional Baseball Clubs with which Houston will have to ingratiate themselves.
1. The Designated Hitter
Established in 1973, the DH rule allows a team to replace their pitcher in the batting order with a more formidable hitter. Well, the “formidable” part is just a friendly suggestion by the author, and may not be feasible for the 2013 Astros. Perhaps they should just keep allowing their pitcher to hit, as part of a year-long Turn Back the Clock promotion. These promotions usually don’t turn the clock back only a single year, but the Astros don’t do most things like most baseball clubs.
All Hallows Eve’ afforded the NotGraphs Séance & Conjuring Committee of Creeps & Twerps the opportunity to commune with baseball spirits past. The Committee summoned the Cubs’ famous double play combo of Joe Tinker, Johnny Evers, and Frank Chance by chanting “Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance” while burning pipe tobacco as incense and circling around a raw chicken, blessing it with an Old Style-infused miter.
The spirits obliged; this is the resulting exchange:
NotGraphs Séance & Conjuring Committee of Creeps & Twerps: What is it like, being dead?
So the poetry has an underlying wistfulness, a sort of musing nostalgia for something that we cannot possess, yet something with which we feel so deeply in tune. Even the gentle yet strong colors speak of this ambivalence: the figures have an unmistakable presence and weight as they stand before us, moving in the slowest of rhythms. Yet they also seem insubstantial, a dream of what might be rather than a sight of what is.
This longing, this hauntingly intangible sadness is even more visible in the lovely face of Cespedes as he is wafted to our dark shores by the winds, and the garment, rich though it is, waits ready to cover up his sweet and naked body. We cannot look upon love unclothed, says The Birth of Yoenis; we are too weak, maybe too polluted, to bear the beauty.1
1 Sister Wendy Beckett, “Botticelli: Lyrical Precision“
Perhaps you missed this piece in The Wall Street Journal:
Pro ballplayers these days collect cars and real estate. Mr. Dotel collects designer shoes. He buys about 20 high-price pairs a year—Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Prada. The Carrie Bradshaw of the majors says he has so many pairs he’s lost count. “What can I say, I love shoes,” says Mr. Dotel, his eyes lighting up, when a recent interview veered from baseball to footwear.
Of course, right now it’s nothing like when he was on the Cardinals:
If you like heavily-processed meat AND saving money, then yesterday was your day, fair NotGraphs readers. During this year’s World Series, the restaurant chain Taco Bell, as a part of its Steal a Base, Wreck a Toilet Steal a Taco campaign, offered a free Doritos Locos Taco to any fan as long as a player stole a base during the series. Thanks to Angel Pagan’s heroics in Game 2, fans were treated to the opportunity to snag a free Mexican falafel. And Taco Bell stayed true to their word. However, Angel Pagan did not just give free tacos to all with his base-stealing, he did it with some straight-up sorcerer’s conjuration and shit. Observe:
And the people subsequently rejoiced.
Congratulations to the San Francisco Giants, Angel Pagan, Taco Bell, and America.
I just noticed that if you search for someone Google recognizes, it tells you who else similar searchers are also searching for. Most of my initial attempts to find something post-worthy in this feature were predictable and boring. And then:
And then, even better:
You are invited to try and beat that, but I don’t think you can.
Note: for purposes of making the image fit, I photoshopped some boring entries out of the first row. Goodbye, Johnny Grubb, Marty Castillo, and Barbaro Garbey.
For certain cultural nerds (many of whom troll/write for this very Internet), John Cusack nailed it on the head when, playing Rob Gordon in the 2000 film High Fidelity, he said, “It’s not what you’re like, it’s what you like.”
…
The 2012 AL MVP question might be a tough one (not if you use WAR, of course). Miguel Cabrera, or Mike Trout?
For those of you who grow tired of the statistical debate, or the boring sparring between those who heavily consider the success of an MVP-candidate’s team and those who discount team — or any of the other tired debates, NotGraphs, as ever, presents “stats” of a different variety. Let’s put these two superstars on the same level as the rest of us, and judge them superficially — i.e. as consumers of culture and free Doritos Locos Tacos™.
MIGUEL CABRERA
Favorite Musical Artist: Prince
Last Album Listened To: A Game of Thrones book on CD
Favorite Movie: Cool Hand Luke
Favorite Food: Doritos Locos Tacos™
Favorite TV Show: Cheers
Favorite Cartoon Character: tie between Jigglypuff and Strong Sad
Favorite Actor: Greta Gerwig
Where He Buys His Clothes: Christmas presents from Mom
Hero: George Romero & Mother Theresa
Favorite Author: Malcolm Gladwell
Athletics Nation has an awesome interview with Billy Beane, conducted right after the A’s were eliminated. A couple of highlights:
Bleszinski: What about Brandon Moss?
Beane: David (Forst) signed him as a six-year free agent during the winter. I really give a lot of credit on this one to Farhan (Zaidi –director of baseball operations). Farhan was screaming at us that we have to give this guy a chance. He had played infield as a high school kid even though it wasn’t first base. He at least had a background. Farhan was saying it the first month of the season and then May 1 he sent a long email, which was a “Moss Manifesto”, basically with a lot of statistical analysis saying that we needed to give this guy a chance.
Bleszinski: Were you and Bob [Melvin] already talking about 2013?
Beane: Yeah that and we’re friends. We have interests that we share beyond baseball. I’m going to New York next week to hang out with him. Bob is always really good at selecting restaurants in the village. He picked out a great one last time and I’m sure he’ll pick out a great one this time too.
Any guesses about where Billy and Bob ate?
The Seedlings to Stars blog at SI.com is keeping tabs on the winter leagues. Recently, they wrote up Evan Gattis, including this tidbit in the final paragraph:
Evan Gattis, with his barehanded hitting, size, and mug, congers up images of what one would imagine as the original, raw, old school power hitter.[Emphasis mine.]
Literally?
Scouts are taking notice of Evan Gattis’s advanced control of the Conger Caldron.
