Archive for Uncategorized

Chad Moriyama complains about nine teams being blacked out in Hawaii, which, last I checked, is not within reasonable driving distance to any major league ballpark. So I thought it would be helpful to put together a complete list of MLB’s blackout rules.

1. Teams have exclusive rights to broadcast video into designated territories. These territories were determined in 1806, before the invention of Major League Baseball, the invention of video, and the statehood of the most recent 33 states to join the union.

Read the rest of this entry »

You might think you know Toronto Blue Jays third-baseman Brett Lawrie. You might have even read an article or two about him, looked at his stats, drafted him for your fantasy baseball team, or stalked him on Facebook.

But you don’t know Brett Lawrie . . . until you know the following things:

When he was a boy, Brett Lawrie had a fascination with microphones; to this day, the very sight of them makes him giddy. “These little hand-held things make sounds bigger than they really are, or record sounds for safekeeping, for later usage. That’s awesome,” Lawrie said. “Sometimes, journalists get frustrated with me because when they stick a mic in my face all I want to do is talk about its specs, but they want to talk about baseball or some shit. But I can’t help it. Mics are just so cool.”

Brett Lawrie like mics.

Read the rest of this entry »

Drew Storen is off to see Dr. James Andrews about his elbow. Never a good sign. But at least he won’t be hearing any gossip while he’s there. From the website of one of Dr. Andrews’s clinics, what strikes me a somewhat strange set of 9 elements that make up the doctor’s patient philosophy:

Read the rest of this entry »

A friend of mine emailed me the play-by-play of the bottom of the 5th inning of the game between the Dodgers and Padres at Petco on Saturday, April 7. It was amusing enough as it was, but it’s even more amusing if you look at the pitch-by-pitch:

Read the rest of this entry »

Friends, today we help a person in need, and that person is Jayson Werth. Jayson is, and has been, a man in search of a self-image. Feel, for just a moment, his anguish: the anguish of a man condemned by his creator to look like something — and yet perennially thwarted from discovering what that something is. He has sought, as any of us would, guidance from those who know him best; he has seen himself through Brad Lidge’s eyes, as “a cross between Jesus Christ and the Geico caveman”; he has untombed the esoteric secrets of Facebook, and thus learned of shocking and uncanny kinships; he has walked countless miles and studied countless faces, craving always that moment of deep reflection, of thrilling recognition, of sudden, crystallized wholeness.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s not too early to be concerned about Red Sox pitching.[1] It’s not too early to analyze these Cubs. [2] It’s not too early to be impressed by the resilient Rays. [3] When it’s the Yankees, is it ever too early to panic? [4] Is it possible for a ballclub to establish an identity only two games into a 162-game season? [5] Two games amount to the smallest of samples, but there may be reasons why Tigers center fielder Austin Jackson is off to a fast start and Red Sox third baseman Kevin Youkilis is not. [6] Two games. Two tepid performances for seven innings that leave everyone scratching their heads and wondering how in the world this team is ever going to score enough runs to win. And then two stirring rallies that completely alter everyone’s opinions and make them believe anything may be possible with this team. [7] [W]hen so many blown saves occur in a short time, it’s impossible to ignore. [8] The general consensus among Marlins players was that Wednesday night’s four-hit performance in the opener at Marlins Park was just one game, and not the precursor to a trend for the Marlins, who had a relatively light-hitting spring. [9] Orioles Baseball: Is it too early to buy World Series tickets? [10]

The Miami Marlins gave away a “Marlins Commemorative Opening Night Lanyard” (more like lameyard, amirite?) to fans who attended the premier regular season game at Marlins Stadium last night.

In case you were wondering what other teams are giving away in their respective home openers today, NotGraphs has compiled a list:
Read the rest of this entry »

There are commercials. And then there are commercials.

Josh Outman was placed on the Rockies’ DL with a strained oblique, due to excessive vomiting.

Apparently he got food poisoning at a Denny’s.

Boy, those meal allowances must be pretty low.

A commenter on Baseball Think Factory has the best quip:

Turns out Outman gave up a grand slam.

Apologies for my lackluster Photoshop skills. That’s supposed to be vomit coming from his mouth, not an alien ghost trying to be his friend.

What we do is assign cool nicknames to players rather than perpetuate the tired, lamewad practice of assigning cool players nicknames. Last time out, Nick Swisher did something humorous and unmentionable to the nickname “Señor Buttcheeks” and got a hearty laugh from all the cool kids. So Mr. Swisher has been added to our Hall of Honouur, which is so stately, so regal, so much itself a celebration of the Norman Conquest, that an extra British-English unstressed “u” is required for proper spelling …

Read the rest of this entry »