In celebration of today’s landmark decisions on the right of all adult Americans to marry the people they love, regardless of race, creed, or gender, here is a list of baseball people I would marry, if I wasn’t already hitched to a woman who would skin me alive for even mentioning the possibility of ending our blissful union and taking up with someone else: Read the rest of this entry »
In which, as before, the author scours the online auctions for baseball-themed collectibles that should never, ever, under any circumstances be allowed into your home.
10″ atlanta braves mlb baseball #10 chipper jones doll star sacks 3rd baseman
Brian Roberts Baltimore Orioles ERROR Dark Pigmentation Baseball Bobblehead Doll
Obsessive readers may recall the presence of fictional pitcher Henry Rowengartner on my Notgraphantasy team. Rowengartner was able to throw 103 miles an hour after breaking his arm. According to MLB.com, Mike Fiers of the Brewers has suffered a similar arm injury. Thus, logic insists, he will soon be throwing 103 miles an hour, and will also soon regress to twelve years old, in a mash-up of Rookie of the Year and an inverted version of the movie Big.
Thomas Ian Nicholas, who played Rowengartner in the movie, recently threw out the first pitch at a Cubs game, to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the movie.
I am unable to find video evidence, so I am going to say he was in fact able to throw the ball 103 MPH. Sorry, Dioner Navarro.
Movies used to be so good.
Are you guys ready for your 2013 Pro Debut Baseball dose of Yasiel Puig?! Streets Wednesday. pic.twitter.com/yejTrr2Z5H
— Topps Company (@toppscards) June 24, 2013
Those may look like batting gloves in his hands, but on closer inspection:
I believe that is an LAX baggage tag… and a Rookie of the Year Award. He’s probably got some other things in his back pocket too, like some tissues to give opposing pitchers, so they can dry their tears.
On Saturday, Munenori Kawasaki went 2 for 4 with his first North American home run. Toronto — known for its steady-crooning citizens — responded to Kawasaki’s hitterly feats with a pair of carefully crafted renditions of “KAWuh-SAki; clap clap clap-clap-clap.”
This has been your weekly, godly dose of Munenori.
There are many things that Lou Gehrig has done in his life that you will never do. You will never win an American League MVP award. You will never hit 49 homers in a season or 493 overall. You will never win a batting title. And lord knows you will not spend even one consecutive game in a major league lineup, let alone 2,130. You will never be as beloved as Lou Gehrig. You will never be as nice as Lou Gehrig. And indeed, you probably aren’t even as good a child to your parents as Lou Gehrig, who lived with his parents until he was 30, despite having gainful employment, so that they could pay the bills. You live with your parents until you’re 30 so that they can pay yours. Shame on you.
If I had my druthers, Lou Gehrig would be alive today in your place. But I don’t. I don’t have any druthers of my own. So you get to stay. Read the rest of this entry »
I was initially afraid to fill out an All-Star Ballot, because anytime I vote for someone, for anything at all, he or she immediately dies. That’s why I only participate in Republican primary elections.
But once I realized that my All-Star votes are utterly meaningless, given that people can fairly easily stuff the ballot box with dozens of votes each, I was willing to take the risk. I was also eager for the online voting option, since I suffer from a terrible case of hanging-chad-ophobia, and so I am very uncomfortable attempting to punch the little circles out of the paper ballots. As a child, I had nightmares that I was the All-Star ballot and my parents were taking small pencils and poking holes through my most important internal organs. I don’t know how to interpret that dream.
Enough about me. Onto my selections. This week, the National League. Next week, the Americans. At first base, there really is no alternative to Casey Kotchman, who did so well in his brief time in the majors this season (0-for-20, with a walk — but, somehow, only one strikeout) that he has been exiled to Jupiter. Sometimes I wish I lived on Jupiter. Kotchman easily gets my vote.
At second base, Danny Espinosa, who just this week has shown supernatural talent in getting reporters to believe absolutely ridiculous statements, leading to the bizarre headline on this Washington Post article, “Danny Espinosa embracing returning to minors, rediscovering old swing.” Yes, because every major leaguer dreams of returning to the minors, going on long bus rides, and hanging out with people who make 2% of the salary you do, and hate you for it. Also, it seems unlikely that Espinosa’s old swing has been hanging out in the minor leagues, waiting for Danny to return, like a lazy sibling who can’t quite get it together enough to leave home.
Loyal Reader John P. pointed us to some breaking news on Twitter regarding a Bullpen Gospels movie.
@OSITF_blog yep. just signed the deal.
— Dirk Hayhurst (@TheGarfoose) June 19, 2013
One reason I love writing for NotGraphs is that, while I’m pretty filled with rage on a daily basis, this allows me to revel in the joy that baseball creates in my heart and my soul during those brief moments when I’m not up my own ass with self-important, self-righteous ranting. I love loving baseball, and I love that NotGraphs not only celebrates the stuff enhances my love of baseball, but pays me in real American dollars to write things about the things that enhance my love of baseball. Go NotGraphs, basically, is what I’m saying.
So it’s with some slight trepidation that I want to introduce young Trey Masek, the fifth round selection of the Chicago Bearcubs in baseball’s Rule 4 Draft. Why am I hesitant to introduce him? Because this could easily be taken as a post intended to shame a 21 year old kid. And I, in absolutely no way, want this to be a post like that. I mean, if I were able to talk to my 21 year old self, he and I would have a huge discussion about what a fucking idiot he’s being in any number of arenas, and that maybe he should tone it down with the being an immature little goblin of a man. And by all means, take an economics class like your grandfather wanted you to.
But I’ve digressed. Back to Trey Masek, a young man with a hopefully bright future, and a Twitter account. A Twitter account whose bio, until yesterday, read as follows:
