Just a second, actually, to shaving cream pie himself in the face.

Now, this GIF isn’t hot, it happened over the weekend, but I, along with my fellow Canadians, was busy celebrating the birth of Queen Victoria. But, anyway, that’s Pagan being a good teammate, right there. Actually, a great teammate. Why should Panda have to do all the work? He went to all the trouble to make the shaving cream pie, and Pagan knows it’s coming, so why shouldn’t Angel chip in, and do some of the heavy lifting? That’s why the San Francisco Giants are winners, a Wild Card contender, and undefeated in games that involve shaving cream pies. You can’t argue with math.

Shaving cream pies for these two Tumblr accounts: Daily Dose of Baseball and And that’s the ball game.

It is, I believe, uncontroversial to suggest that the object for a base-and-ball pitcher is to prevent runs. It is slightly more — but still not very — controversial to suggest that, per DIPS theory, the best way for a pitcher to prevent runs is to record strikeouts while avoiding walks and home runs.

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Casual baseball fans are sometimes confused as to why pitchers, who theoretically should have an in-depth knowledge of pitch sequences and the ways pitches move, are almost uniformly crappy hitters.

Indeed, it’s difficult to imagine that some pitchers — as Giants closer Santiago Casilla did in his second ever big-league plate appearance last night at Miller Park — are so confused in the batter’s box that they appear frightened even of pitches that are not especially close to them:

Boo.

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Felix Hernandez: Why didn’t you call me? I called you. I called you like eight times. Why didn’t you call me?

Adrian Beltre: I called you. Oh come on. I called you. Check your messages. I called.

Hernandez: No you didn’t call me. No no no.

Beltre: Man, check your phone. Must be broken.

Hernandez: No way.

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There are two gladiators here, fierce and prepped for battle. They read from inspirational poetry of their times before heading into combat.

“Eat lettuce and soft apples eat:
For you, Phoebus, have the harsh face of a defecating man.”
— Roman poet Martial, circa 100 AD

They clang steal, they shout epithets. They practice fierceness and they ready their minds for the conflict that stands in front of them.

And yet their identity remains unknown.

Perhaps one is…

Alex Rodriguez’s cousin? Or the centaur?
Sam Fuld?
Andrew Friedman.
MF Doom?
Caligula come to dine upon the innards of the competition?
Drew Sutton? Or the guy he was replacing? Or was Sutton the guy who got injured and needed replacing.
The missing (titular) devil?
Chris Carter — either one?
Brandon Allen?

During the eighth inning of Friday night’s game between Houston and Texas (box), Astros first baseman Carlos Lee hit a pop fly down the third-base line.

While, in many cases, a third baseman will defer to the shortstop on such a batted ball, it’s also fair to say that deference is not a quality with which Rangers third baseman Adrian Beltre is particularly familiar.

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I see six distinctive steps. I just don’t know what two of them are:

1. Five, down low.
2. Backhand five, also down low. Convenient, since their hands are already down there.
3. Lean back, hands in the air, feign surprise; like when you run into an old friend, or are the recipient of some good news.
4. ?
5. ?
6. Forty-four million dollar hug.

At first, I thought steps four and five had something to do with cooking. Salt and pepper? I don’t know, I was hungry. Then, for some reason, I thought about drugs. But, again, I’m not sure. You tell me: What the hell are they doing?

H/T: Thanks for the hot GIF, Beneath This Graveyard Western Sky.

Hunter Pence is on the verge of exploding at all times.

That is all.

It may not have been Hamiltonian, but Joey Votto hit three homeruns yesterday.

Upon striking the last of the homeruns — a grand slam — Votto did a little skip out of the batter’s box. When duplicated, reversed, looped, and GIF’d, said skip has the potential to create a veritable dance craze:

GIF after the jump.

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Steve Edlefsen technically had 14.2 Major League innings before last night. None of them probably prepared him for this.

What Vin Scully said:
“He was picked by the Red Sox as an infielder.”
“Looks like he should be a sidearmer.”
“Comebacker to the mound… took his glove right off!”
“Nice try by Edlefsen.”

What assorted people in my living room said:
“Did he throw his glove at that? Little league.”
“Who is this jerk.”
“Stupid Mota and his stupid steroids.”
“Way to screw that up three different ways, meat.”