Archive for Audio and/or Visual

Here at NotGraphs, I like to think we’re in the business of educating. (Like most educators, we’re also paid very, very handsomely.) We’re here to educate on some of the less nerdy wonders of baseball, the game we all hold closest to our bosom. To educate on, sometimes, certain wonders found on the internet that are tied to baseball in only the loosest of ways.

Like what you’re about to watch. (See what I did there?)

Below is the transcript of a recent instant message conversation I had with a good friend of mine, who I’ll call NotKien …

NotKien:

Bro. Go to YouTube. Search “Teach me how to Dougie Chris Brown.” Watch the video. Tell me what you see.

I, of course, obliged.

Read the rest of this entry »

Internet computers everywhere are no doubt aware of Brian Wilson’s championship appearance on something called “Lopez Tonight,” but we’d be remiss if we didn’t post it anyway. As you’ll soon see, some redundancies are worth redundancy …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQesL-G4jPE

The “veteran purveyor of processed faux-tilapia logs” look is a winning one, to be sure. And the second hat and Finding Nemo socks are also worth the price of admission. Bonus: If you were short on thinly veiled references to coitus, then consider your quota now met and exceeded. As you might anticipate, Mr. Wilson is now a board-certified dirty birdie! Oh, and thanks to Lil’ Pat Burrell for showing up.

As for Mr. Wilson’s offseason travels, which have presumably made him into a kind of walking Zagat guide to the Thai sex trade, at this point we are duty-bound to summon Murray Head to the podium …

(Curtsy: Pretty much all of you.)

This is a picture of Pirate second baseman Neil Walker from the online edition of Pittsburgh’s organizational top-10 list from BA’s 2006 prospect handbook.

The notable thing about the photo — in case, for some reason, you’re not using your eyes to look at it — is the look of pure disgust on Walker’s face. Is he about to perform a revenge killing? Has he just performed a revenge killing? These are the things one is forced to wonder.

The plot is further thickened when paired with this passage from Walker’s profile in same prospect handbook (bold mine):

Walker was the first Pittsburgh-area player ever selected in the first round by the Pirates after hitting .657-13-42 in his senior season at Pine-Richland High, and his charismatic nature has enabled him to handle the attention with aplomb.

“Who is Neil Walker?” is surely something you’re now thinking. Unless, of course, you are Neil Walker, in which case you’re probably en route to performing some kind of revenge killing.

Now you’ve seen Barry Larkin rap.

The video above could serve as a cultural artifact for future anthropologists, for sure. Wonder how American men dressed in the late eighties? What sort of music was popular? Facial hair? It’s all in there.

But what’s also in there, once you take your snark pants off (NOT your real ones, please), is worth something to us, now. Here are the World Champion Cincinnati Reds, having fun for your pleasure. The song isn’t great, the singing voices often atrocious, and the fashions just kinda goofy, but they were willing to horse around in a studio for no good reason.

Shouldn’t there be more of this? Well, actually, there is.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is a video, authored my YouTube user ieeebear, of the last 27 outs recorded by the San Francisco Giants in their World Series-clinching Game Five victory over the Texas Rangers.

Here’s a brief scouting report of same video:

Strengths
• Watching the above, one realizes how infrequently one’s able to watch Major League play of any stripe outside one of the major providers of said content — i.e. MLB.com, ESPN, FOX, or a local sporting network. This is a pleasure in itself.

Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve already laid eyes upon the wonder that was Matt Murton upon a mythical steed, and — as we see above — now the Twins’ Matt Tolbert has joined the fantasy beast-of-burden party.

Questions abound … Is this a Midwest thing? A “guy named Matt” thing? Why do some ballplayers have such a hardwired yearning to ride unicorns/pegasi? After all, these are photos, so we now know that, a, such beasts exist; b, Matts Murton and Tolbert ride them and; c, both seem to favor the dressage style.

Distinctions? While Mr. Murton seems bound by the strictures of gravity, Mr. Tolbert thinks nothing of thundering across the firmament in defiance of all we think we know about science-y science. Sure, you might point out that Mr. Tolbert is atop a winged creature and thus better able to fly. Poppycock! I prefer to think it’s because Mr. Tolbert’s secret nickname is “Mythical Beast Whisperer Jesus” and that everything flows from there.

I can’t say whether Matt Tolbert’s prevailing goal in this life is to be photographed atop and in manly, sinewy command of every varmint found in the Monster Manual, but I can say it should be.

(Curtsy: Pretty darn sure this image originally appeared at That’s Twins Baseball.)

I get asked all the time — via email, phone, mysterious scented letter — I get asked, “Carson, what does it take to become part of FanGraphs?”

“Generally excellent prose” and “comfort with advanced metrics” are two obvious answers to that question. “The ability to pwn SQL at will” is a third.

What you might not anticipate, however, is the serious physical demands one must meet in order to be considered for Team FanGraphs.

To give prospective writers an idea of what I mean, I’ve embedded here an actual video of San Diego Padre Will Venable’s actual tryout for FanGraphs.

To qualify for consideration, candidates must complete this course in under a minute. That a professional athlete is elated by a time of 1 minute and 2 seconds gives you an idea of how rigorous it all really is.

For some perspective, though, consider that Dave Allen finished this entire challenge in just 37 seconds. Albert Lyu, for his part, actually just shot that guy with the stopwatch right in the foot — which gesture we thought displayed the requisite pluck.

So, no, don’t stop believin’ — not you, Will Venable, and not you, cherished reader. Just know, please, that we’re not effing around over here.

H/T: jbox of Gaslamp Ball.

Yes, the above beard is more “maladjusted IT guy” rather than “elite ballplayer,” but I’m going with it. Anyhow, Internet computers have been buzzing for a while over news that Nats outfielder Jayson Werth might be forced to shave his “at work on my manifesto/buying canned food and ammo for my bunker” beard. Werth’s lamewad new employers have a facial-hair policy, and last month team pit boss Mike Rizzo dropped this bomb: “When I last saw him, he had no beard.”

Google Images is sadly lacking in photographic evidence, so we must take Mr. Rizzo at his word. Yes, near and dear, it is time to mourn Jayson Werth’s beard. To that end, nothing I could say, do or perpetrate will match what the Beard of Truth has to say on this urgent matter.

And what of the second-most famous baseball beard of the contemporary era? Fear not for it. As Beard of Truth reminds us, “I think you know this sweaty bastard needs me.”

(Curtsy: Reader Jordan Shapiro, who’s there for those who have nowhere left to turn.)

Watch, friends, and learn. And wonder, as I do, what’s in store for Vernon Wells when he returns to Toronto …

He’s good. Persistent, yet polite. He even asked Mora, “Do you prefer Melvin?” That’s how we roll up in Canada.

The props certainly help, too. A picture of Eva Longoria for Evan Longoria to sign? Our heckler, one Marc Richler, is certainly cultured. A harmonica? Only the terrorists hate music. And while not a prop, Mr. Richler’s got the voice. The “I know you hear me!” taunt, while not groundbreaking by any means, is a personal favourite; simple yet always effective. Extra points, as well, to Richler for getting those seated near him involved.

An excellent performance, all around. Nine NotGraphs out of 10.

If Izzy Alcantara’s parents had had the decency to relocate to Panama before the birth of their son — and not remain in their native Dominican Republic, as they so rudely chose to do — this post might benefit from a narrative complexity generally unseen on the internet.

As it is, it (i.e. the present post) is merely an attempt on the part of the author to participate in the totally planned-out and in no way impromptu On-Field Violence (Or Not as Much) Day here at NotGraphs.

While people punching people always makes for good entertainment, Alcantara’s forethought in the above-embedded melee is particularly noteworthy.

Believe everything Wikipedia says when it says the following:

On July 3, 2001, after being brushed back a second time by Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons pitcher Blas Cedeño, Alcántara turned around, kicking catcher Jeremy Salazar, karate-style, in the mask before charging the mound, throwing an unsuccessful punch at Cedeño before turning around as other players joined the fight until he was tackled by Kevin Orie. The incident cost Alcántara a six-game suspension and his spot on the International League’s All Star squad.

In Izzy’s defense, the Providence Journal offered this explanation: “What happened may have been simmering for some time. By his actions, it appears Alcantara knew something might occur that night. After the game Alcantara insisted Cedeño was throwing at him. Early in May, Alcantara slammed two home runs off Red Barons pitcher Pete Zamora, who later hit Alcantara with a pitch and was suspended and fined by the league. On July 2 Alcantara belted another home run off Zamora and may have, in Zamora’s view, hot-dogged it a little around the bases. In Alcantara’s mind, the July 3 eighth inning eruption was no innocent development and may have been planned as retaliation by Red Barons pitchers.”

Despite the fact that Alcantara was generally known as somewhat of a difficult character, it’s really impossible to feel anything but admiration for the extent of his forethought in this particular instance, it being generally the case that the catcher is the first player to reach a pitcher-ward batter.

Hail, Alcantara!