Archive for Audio and/or Visual

File what you’re about to witness under Dayn Perry’s How to Improve Baseball.

Note the batter’s fine acting job after getting hit by an off-speed pitch, the double-360, and his eagerness in getting to the mound. Impeccable form, even though he went down in defeat.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m quite certain I’d find chicken fighting much more entertaining than the mostly underwhelming basebrawls we witness every summer. At the very least, it would guarantee everyone’s involvement in the proceedings. There’s nothing I hate more than watching the relief core’s walk of shame back to the bullpen after only words, and not punches, are exchanged.

And know this: Gandhi — whom the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has learned was quite the baseball fan back in his day, Babe Ruth his favourite player, believe it or not — would have wanted it this way.

Hat tips: To Royals Review, and our baseball-loving cousins in the Far East.

I’ve often referred to Lookout Landing’s Jeff Sullivan as the Charles Schulz of his generation. Except angrier. And drunker. And less talented.

I’ve never had a reason for doing any of that until today, however, when Sullivan gave us this — i.e. a comic strip rendering of Brian Cashman introducing new Yankee Rafael Soriano, the relief pitcher whom he (i.e. Cashman) has reluctantly signed to a a three-year, $35 million contract.

Below are three select panels, but you should visit LL and let the magic surround you.

Yesterday’s posts regarding both the potential improvement and imminent destruction of our fair sport elicited an order from the Dark Overlord David Appelman to run this documentary clip from the future — about a sport known to our distant and larger-eyed descendants as “Blernsball.”

Blernsball appears to be quite similar to baseball — except for all the differences, of course.

One note to make: the lady person suggests that something called the “7th Inning Grope” is a tradition unique to Blernsball; however, I’m sure that our readers from the Philadelphia part of the country will attest to that city’s long and nuanced history of unwanted touching.

Dig:

Contrary to appearances, a reanimated Highpockets Kelly did not punch his way out of the grave and find the nearest diamond. That’s actually Arnie Beyerler, new manager of the Pawtucket Red Sox.

I don’t know much about his dugout chops, but Mr. Beyerler certainly has central-casting appeal: the fully germinated mustache, the plunging sleeves, the exposed socks, the weapons-grade leather belt that seems better suited for determined Catholic spankings rather than holding up a man’s trousers, the stevedore’s jawline, the vaguely menacing “hunter-gatherer” way in which he carries the bat … He seems like a man who knows a thing or two about a thing or two but won’t tell you about any of it.

From this point forward, he shall be known as … “Blast Furnace O’Dwyer.”

Ol’ Blast Furnace may never win a World Series, but I fully expect him to take back the streets in his spare time.

(Curtsy: Heard It From Hoard)

This BSoL’er used “7 Minutes Or Less” to become a different man, like, literally.

We will all be hearing more of the “Best shape of my life” cliches in the coming weeks as players report to spring training and are forced to say something, anything, to us breathless hordes of media types. In most cases, upon hearing the platitude, we’ll just check that check-box on our interview BINGO sheets, take a drink for the BSoL drinking game, make sure Dave Cameron is notified so that he can keep track, and move on.

In a couple cases, though, visual proof of the state can cause a double-take. Consider Pablo Sandoval in before and after shots. Pablito looks pretty good.

So I guess diet was part of the problem here.

Sandoval’s shape has earned him a cuddly nickname or two, but also the derision of fans and front office types alike, so kudos to him for dropping a reported 22 pounds so far this offseason. That should help his defensive numbers at third base, and perhaps even his time to first base and, therefore, his once-vaunted BABIP.

But Cameron’s already cornered the research market on the BSoL phenomenon, so let’s stick to the visuals here. Next up? Prince Fielder.

That first picture reads a little differently in this context.

Fielder’s case doesn’t come with the same stat-based excitement. So far there’s been no declaration of lost tonnage, and his battle with weight has had slightly less exposure to date in general. His recent dip in production wasn’t as precipitous, either, so the pressure and spotlight aren’t on his bathroom scale to the same extent. There’s also room for bigger sluggers and bigger people in our world, of course. But for his heart health, and perhaps for his batting average, this new Petit Prince is probably the better way to go.

FanGraphs: Your Leading Best-Shape-of-Life Media Outlet!

H/T to: Mike Axisa, Photobucket user sussemilch, and trainers everywhere

This video today comes to us courtesy both reader Julian (via the Team NotGraphs Hot Hotline) and the world wide web.

Willie Mays is the guest on this episode of What’s My Line from 11 July 1954.

Three things you’ll note:

• Mays speaks in tiny little mouse voice.
• Host John Charles Daly speaks with a Trans-Atlantic accent.
• Arlene Francis (the panelist who identifies Mays) isn’t effing around about being a Giants fan.

Over the weekend, The Worldwide Leader In Sports put it up to a vote:

Which team will win the AL East?

Five teams in the division, therefore five voting options. Or so you’d think. Instead, and please click to embiggen:

Yep, only four options:

Yankees
Red Sox
Rays
Other

Other? Other.

According to ESPN, the Baltimore Orioles and Toronto Blue Jays barely exist. They certainly don’t matter. Now, I know the Orioles are half a team in a good year, but, as a supporter of the Blue Jays, I took this one personally. Where’s the love?

Actually, I wasn’t looking for love from ESPN. I was looking for acknowledgement. Some respect. The Blue Jays won 85 games last year; four fewer than the Red Sox. And if I can be brutally honest: No fan wants his or her team lumped in a group of two with the Orioles.

My emails and phone calls in protest to the highest levels of ESPN got the job done. The laziest of polls, I can no longer find it over at ESPN.com’s SportsNation. I like to think it’s been erased from the Internet forever, and that the person in charge of creating it is, as I requested, out of a job. Other? We won’t stand for Other in Canada.

One more thing (embiggen!):

As of early Saturday morning, other than New York State and Wyoming, and tiny Connecticut*, the American people had spoken: Red Sox.

New York State I understand. Wyoming, not so much. What’s the deal, Wyomingites?

*Oops.

There’s a not insubstantial bloc of folks who long for the days when men wouldn’t leave the house without a necktie and stylish fedora. What follows might cause that not insubstantial bloc of folks to ponder taking a hostage …

As you can see, the Forever Lazy makes your standard-issue, ketchup-stained sweatpants look like the finest your finest haberdasher has to offer. It’s basically a hoodie bodysuit, and — since advertisers have always been and will always be yoked to the truth — it’s clearly great for crapping! It’s also clearly great for watching sports, whether in person or in a darkened living room just after receiving divorce papers!

So if you’ve ever been at the ballpark and thought, “Instead of this sensible knit polo, I wish I were wearing something that made me look like a guy named ‘Cookie’ who pans for gold and or cooks gruel for a wagon train,” then you’ll want one of these posthaste. If this thing catches on — and, honestly, how could it not? — then the Forever Lazy, much like its Snuggie progenitor, will soon be festooned with your favorite team’s logo. At that point, we all win.

History teaches us that Patrick Henry, armed with nothing but a tuning fork and a sense of mission, killed Stalin in Las Vegas. I like to think that Mr. Henry did so in the hopes that one day we as a people would soar beyond the dimensions of the possible and invent something like the Forever Lazy (although archival documents suggest he wanted it to be called “The Smock of Dignity”).

Know this, patriot: Your dreams have been realized.

Courtesy of Bradley Frigging Woodrum, who also produced — and won an EGOT for — FIP: A New ERA.

H/T: DRaysBay

Saturday Night Live – George F. Will’s Sports Machine – Video – NBC.com.

Unfortunately, I can’t get the video to embed properly, so you’ll have to click over (gasp!) to watch.

According to the description on NBC.com, George F. Will’s Sports Machine is “The most exciting sports show ever.” Dana Carvey plays the part of conservative columnist George Will, lampooning the thick, unfeeling prose that fills his book “Men At Work.” Mike Schmidt is portrayed by Corbin Bensen (Roger Dorn of Major League fame, thanks commenters) and John Lovitz uncannily portrays Tommy Lasorda.

The players have to answer questions about baseball, such as “What was [Willie Mays’s catch in 1954] not unlike?” with answers just as thick and trite. Eventually, Lasorda, Schmidt, the audience, and even ABC News personality Sam Donaldson reach the boiling point, asking Will if he ever played the game (clearly, by his arm, he hasn’t), and finally chasing him out of the studio.

Dana Carvey has always been one of my favorite SNL cast members, and this is no exception. His impression, as always, is flawless. Enjoy.