I get asked all the time — via email, phone, mysterious scented letter — I get asked, “Carson, what does it take to become part of FanGraphs?”
“Generally excellent prose” and “comfort with advanced metrics” are two obvious answers to that question. “The ability to pwn SQL at will” is a third.
What you might not anticipate, however, is the serious physical demands one must meet in order to be considered for Team FanGraphs.
To give prospective writers an idea of what I mean, I’ve embedded here an actual video of San Diego Padre Will Venable’s actual tryout for FanGraphs.
To qualify for consideration, candidates must complete this course in under a minute. That a professional athlete is elated by a time of 1 minute and 2 seconds gives you an idea of how rigorous it all really is.
For some perspective, though, consider that Dave Allen finished this entire challenge in just 37 seconds. Albert Lyu, for his part, actually just shot that guy with the stopwatch right in the foot — which gesture we thought displayed the requisite pluck.
So, no, don’t stop believin’ — not you, Will Venable, and not you, cherished reader. Just know, please, that we’re not effing around over here.
H/T: jbox of Gaslamp Ball.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.