My good friend that also sent this letter to Clayton Kershaw has penned another work of complicated genius. Even if you don’t agree with the main treatise of the new version, you have to admit it is of our time:

Before the time of MLB,
And sans ESPN,
They took the field at Mudville
To cheer the Mudville men
5000 voices yelling
A throng for way back when
The legend lives until this day
From even way back then
They cheered for mighty Casey
The legend’s famous name
Some still say they saw him
Now forever cloaked in fame
And as you all have heard by now
The game was pretty tight
Mudville fell behind by two
By the bottom of the last
Then got two outs and two men on
Awaiting Casey’s blast.
But as you know he watched two strikes
Then swung with all his might
Deflating the Mudville faithful
As he whiffed that fateful night.
Now looking back on Monday
From 125 years away
The commentators have gathered
To review Vin Scully’s play by play.
It now seems elementary
I hesitate to say
But with men at third and second
Intentionally walking Casey was the percentage play.
Casey lead the league that year
He always had come thru
The pitcher was just lucky
Casey had ‘nt hit him too.
So know we’ll never know the score
Had they played game our way,
And because first base was open
Put Casey on that day.
It makes a better story
A legend ’til this day
To pitch to mighty Casey
Is not the percentage play.

I saw Tyler Skaggs. He was 89-90 on the fastball, the curve was good, but the changeup sucked. I saw Tyler Skaggs.

What? That’s his changeup now? And he was 92-93? Who’s this?

Tyler Skaggs?

This may not work. That’s fine, y’all know I’m lucky if I bat at the mendoza line here. But I’ve got no snark, no jokes, no memes today. All I have for you is something I’ve never seen before in baseball. And you may not be able to see it, even though I made this GIF so that you might:

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Andrelton Simmons has admitted in a NotGraphs semi-exclusive that he has just hit puberty.

As we all know from experience, that journey can lead to all sorts of interesting places.

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“The throw to second is wide… and he’s out!”
“How’d he do that?”

We’ll never know.

Thanks to Doug Miller for pointing out the play.

Deadspin recently reprinted a fascinating look into the depths of Steve Carlton’s mind. Turns out, a cabal of 300 people is running the world. Or the Jews. Or the Chinese. Or the bankers.

It can get a little confusing to keep it straight. And so, with a recount of the tale that cost Steve Carlton his life savings freshly in mind, here are a few suggestions for his tchochtka-selling business.

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Miguel Olivo thought his bat could have done a better job Tuesday, so he told him so.

Apologies to Carlos Perez, but Brian Wilson’s feedback to the water cooler on July first, 2011 — that has a touch more Hulk in its smash.

Not impressed? Wilson’s final judgement is directed at you, then.

In general, I feel okay in the clubhouse. Obviously, I’m the low man on the pole, and when I get the brush off, it’s fine. Nobody knows who I am. I understand. And when I feel a little awkward standing there fiddling with notes among half-dressed young men, I just have to look around and look at how awkward half the rest of the room feels and I’m more comfortable again. At least I’m not lugging heavy television equipment around or tugging at a tie.

All of that is not to say that I didn’t feel my heart in my shoes on Monday night in the Padres clubhouse:

Monday night in the Padres’ Clubhouse

In my defense, dude’s mustache is a full beard now, and he wasn’t sitting at his own locker. But, yeah. Still. I know. I know.

1.) Search for Juan Francisco on Google.
2.) Click on ‘image search.’

Franklin Rabon is a master of confusionism.

Sometimes it might feel like we are mere dwarves among the giants that play this game. And, if you’re standing next to Jon Rauch or Giancarlo Stanton, you’re probably right. But, sometimes the players themselves are rendered tiny by this beautiful game.

Thanks to Joe Frisario for the big bat pictures.