You Made It Through the Week, and Josh Willingham Hit a Homerun. Congratulations to You Both.

Midwesterners are a hearty, kindly folk. They are polite and well-mannered.

They are hard-working, and though they find pleasure in but a few, simple things — a Josh Willingham homerun, for instance — they enjoy those things uninhibitedly. They sincerely hope that you are able to partake of similar wholesomeness in this earthly life before you roast in hell in the hereafter.

If you need directions, or the recipe for a high-carb, high-protein hot dish, just ask. If you need to be reaffirmed, please refer to the above GIF.

Hire Robert J. Baumann to live-blog your next birthday party, family reunion, or corporate event. You will not want to forget it soon.

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As a recent transplant to this flat land of smiles, rust, and enthusiastic consumption, I heartily endorse the ethos and content of this post.