I neither endorse nor, uh, do the thing that’s the opposite of endorse ESPN prospect maven Keith Law’s occasionally surly interactions with the public. In the words of every pro athlete, “It is what it is.” Plus, Mr. Law’s very clearly a smart guy — both in the baseball, and also in the other kind of, way. He clearly knows what he’s doing, is what I mean to say.

What I will say is this: if you’d prefer not to be the object of the Klaw’s rage, then do consider not sharing with him unsubstantiated opinions or simple ad hominem attacks.

This advice comes a week late for at least five Twitter users, who took umbrage at Law’s suggestion that, tasked with starting a franchise immediately, he’d choose Troy Tulowitzki over Albert Pujols.

Below are Law’s various retorts, complete with RTs for the reader’s convenience.

1. In which Law has just been called a “moron.”

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While it goes without saying that FanGraphs’ own Marc Hulet and Bryan Smith are very clearly perfect 80s when it comes to the field of prospect mavenry, this is not to say the bespectacled reader must, or even ought to, limit himself to that pair’s excellent work when it comes to preseason prospect lists.

Which brings us to this well-placed blockquote regarding MLB.com’s Top 50 prospect list:

This year’s edition will be revealed on MLB Network at 9 p.m. ET on Tuesday during a special Top 50 Countdown program. The show, hosted by Greg Amsinger, will feature analysis from MLB.com senior writer Jonathan Mayo and former Indians general manager John Hart. The show will be streamed live on MLB.com. And you can chat with Mayo about the list on Wednesday at 2 p.m. ET on MLB.com.

If there’s one thing that’s maybe sometimes frustrating about the season’s prospects lists, it’s that there’s rarely video accompanying the analysis in question. I mean, sure, I’m not a “trained scout” and I don’t necessarily “know what I’m looking for,” but I at least like to pretend.

Although I don’t know it for a fact, I’m guessing that MLB.com’s presentation does feature video. So after tonight, we can all know just enough to be annoying.

Hello, my name is Eno Sarris, and I’m addicted to Sega’s new MLB Manager Online game.

As a fantasy addict, I’m familiar with the sort of addiction that Sega’s MLB Manager Online has spawned in me. Constant screen-refreshing, lineup-parsing, and strategy-pondering may not look like the two-feet-from-the-television glazed-over stare of the average gamer, but it fits right into the regular day of a fantasy addict. This isn’t to say that the game doesn’t have flaws, but it is to say that it has considerable upside.

Basic game play follows more of the approach a general manager might have. Compared to fantasy baseball, MMO asks you to think about your team as a whole. Defense, ‘clutch,’ and lineup order matter. Take a look at the roster home page and you’ll see that you’ve got players with certain costs, a budget for your lineup, and the ability to move players around the diamond to take advantage of their defense. You can play Pat Burrell in center field, if you want, but you’ll get some defensive penalties considering that he’s a “D”-rated outfielder with a ’44’ run tool out of 80.

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I make no secret of my admiration for Brian “Sounds Delicious” Wilson and his objectively delightful maniac’s beard. So it concerns me to know that sinister forces are seeking to do him harm. Indeed, if you were about to head over to Network Solutions or — if you are not a gentleman — GoDaddy and lay claim to the hotly sought domain name iwannafightbrianwilson.com, then know that you are sadly tardy in your exploits. It is already claimed, and claimant is not effing around …

So this is a formal invite for Brian Wilson to spar me in a legal boxing match in a boxing gym. Any gym he wants any time he wants. It would be a legal sparring match with full headgear and other safety equipment so there is no risk of him getting “seriously” hurt. There would be a ref, and all amateur boxing rules would apply. So if Brian Wilson is a real “tuff guy” like he tries to promote himself to be, and wants to challenge me to fight in a situation where i would get arrested, then I’m sure he is tuff enough to take on this challenge and get into a ring with me and have a legal boxing match! The ball is in his court now!

And just for those who think Im trying to gain anything from this, If Wilson does man up and we have a boxing match, I will donate half of all proceeds to a local childrens charity and the other half Wilson can do what he wants with. He can donate to his favorite charity if he wants( The Tool Academy).

If you’re wondering how all this started — and I know you are — this eager young man is an A’s fan, and he asked Wilson to autograph a broom following an Oakland sweep of Wilson’s Giants. According to A’s fan’s version of events, Wilson took umbrage at such a request and challenged said A’s fan to a fight on the field. At this point, please keep in mind that, a, his account might not be true and, b, even if true Wilson — no stranger to whimsy, hijinks and frolicsome madcappery — might well have been kidding.

Still, a couple of things … First, if you’re hoping to keel-haul a member of the defending champs, then perhaps you should target Pat Burrell, who, if given an easily recalled safe word, seems likely to be up for some ritualized abuse at the hands of a complete stranger. Second, if fighting ballplayers is suddenly a thing, then I get dibs on Eddie Gaedel.

At the end of the day, though, if professional athletes won’t agree to show up at a darkened boxing gym and brawl with randomly aggrieved fans they neither know nor remember, then I’m not sure why John Wayne wrote the Constitution in the first place.

(Curtsy: ‘Duk)

Watch, friends, and learn. And wonder, as I do, what’s in store for Vernon Wells when he returns to Toronto …

He’s good. Persistent, yet polite. He even asked Mora, “Do you prefer Melvin?” That’s how we roll up in Canada.

The props certainly help, too. A picture of Eva Longoria for Evan Longoria to sign? Our heckler, one Marc Richler, is certainly cultured. A harmonica? Only the terrorists hate music. And while not a prop, Mr. Richler’s got the voice. The “I know you hear me!” taunt, while not groundbreaking by any means, is a personal favourite; simple yet always effective. Extra points, as well, to Richler for getting those seated near him involved.

An excellent performance, all around. Nine NotGraphs out of 10.

It’s without a trace of chagrin that I reproduce in these pages — despite it having already been produced in everybody else’s pages — Sam Miller’s word cloud experiment from his Angels Blog at the OC Register.

If you’re not familiar with it already, Miller put together word clouds from comment threads at SB Nation blogs Halos Heaven and Bluebird Banter.

Hilarity is the thing that ensued.

A recently re-broadcast episode of This American Life begins with host Ira Glass in conversation with author Neil Chesanow. Chesanow is respsonsible for Please Read This for Me, a self-help book that, as the show’s website explains, “doesn’t just give you general advice. It gives you actual scripts to use in various difficult situations: Pre-written speeches to deliver if you’ve fallen out of love with your boyfriend, say, or if you’ve decided you want to have a baby.”

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Vernon Wells isn’t exactly my idea of typical “American foxes.”

In case you missed it over the weekend, the Angels acquired Vernon Wells from the Blue Jays in exchange for Mike Napoli and Juan Rivera. I have a feeling that the first line of negotiations went something like this.

ALEX ANTHOPOLOUS: Hey Tony, hey Arte. Sorry I’m late.

TONY REAGINS: No hassles, man. Hey, listen to Arte’s joke!

ARTE MORENO: (chuckling) Okay. How many astrosign medallions can you wear?!

ANTHOPOLOUS: I don’t know.

MORENO: Next time, try five of them!

So far, I have yet to see a reasonable explanation for why the Angels would make this trade. That is, until I saw this tweet: Angels GM Tony Reagins and owner Arte Moreno are just two wild and crazy guys, and there is no pair of baseball executives who cruise so successfully in tight slacks. In the words of Yortuk Festrunk, “Hosed? Count me in!”

As you have no doubt heard by now, the Angels have traded useful parts Mike Napoli and Juan Rivera to the Blue Jays for Vernon Wells and his hulking, cumbersome contract forged in the wild of Canada. To say the least, it’s an inexplicable deal from the Halos’ standpoint.

And this brings us to the mostly piqued commenters at Halos Heaven. Understandably, they are not pleased. And to best capture their displeasure, I’m going to brazenly steal this beautiful idea from Royals Review.

So what comes out of the sausage-maker if we concoct a poem using nothing more than the comment headlines found within the Halos Heaven thread linked above? I’ve rearranged the order, capitalized in places and tweaked punctuation, but otherwise the words are all theirs. By the way, I do this in empathy, not mockery …

A Poem About the Vernon Wells Trade

Call me crazy, but this trade makes us better.

Some say the Red Sox had the biggest offseason in baseball. I say: Maybe. If you define “baseball” as “the Major Leagues” and “biggest offseason” as “biggest offseason on-field personnel improvement.” Loose those artificial constraints, however, and what flaps forth? but the majestic snow white ibis that has been the ballpark concessions-related offseason of the AA Akron Aeros.

What happened is that, at some point this December, the Aeros announced a new food option for 2011 home games: the “Three Dog Night.” This is a kielbasa with a bratwurst inside it. And there’s also a hot dog inside the bratwurst. Picture, courtesy of Ben’s Biz Blog:

In-progress and complete.

The Three Dog Night got press attention. In response the Aeros swore to keep debuting crazy foods every month until Opening Day.

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