Those of us who have been raised with the Internets in our mouths (or who have arrived at it later in life and still allowed it to ruin marriages and sundry other relationships) have come to expect these Internets to store and retrieve for us whatever the heck we want to look upon.

Expect the Internets to waste your time.

I assumed that the Carlos-Santana-(Cleveland-Catcher)-Carlos-Santana-(Guitar/Headwear-Prodigy) meme had been fully played out via the [potentially life-ruining] tandem of Photoshop and Blogger. Perhaps this is solipsistic, as I myself am have more than dabbled in said combo. Still, you think that a Google image search for “two carlos santanas” would return something better than this:

Sometimes, the Internets disappoint.

Really, Internets? REALLY? I guess the Baumer (that’s me) is going to have to step up yet again and start what you should have beaten dead long ago. Let’s get this trite: Read the rest of this entry »

Legendary broadcaster and Italian-American in disguise Harry Caray was fired unexpectedly by the St. Louis Cardinals after the 1969 season. Rumors circulated that the reason for Caray’s sudden dismissal concerned an alleged affair that Caray was having with the daughter-in-law of Cardinals owner August A. Busch, Jr.

Caray spoke to those rumors later in life. And, while he doesn’t expressly use the word sex as a verb — like other luminaries such as Color Me Badd and Young MC — it’s obvious to anyone with a brain that Caray is thinking it.

ESPN reports that Greg Maddux will be joining the Rangers as a part-time special assistant.

From the article:

“I appreciate the Cubs and how they treated me,” Maddux said. “Now I’ll hopefully help the Rangers out. I’m really not ready to take anything full time anyway because retirement is too good. Whoever said they don’t like retirement probably isn’t doing it right.”

Or maybe they just didn’t earn $153,845,000 during their career, and get to retire before they’re 45. Good grief. If you can’t enjoy retirement with a hundred and fifty million dollars, then, sure, you’re probably not doing it right.

Thinking man’s base ball-ist Eric Sogard is, natch, something of a local hero on these electric pages. So because of his heroism and because he is indubitably a Thing That Contains Multitudes, we are duty-bound to make a not a man out of him — I feel certain that Raquel Welch and Adrienne Barbeau have already attended to those refreshing matters — but rather make a meme out of him.

What follows is this Internetting Gentleman’s — this memesmith’s, this smither of memes’s — attempt to do just that …

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear readers of poetic inclination, as you’re undoubtedly aware, Robert Frost teaches that “Style is that which inidcates how the writers takes himself and what he is saying.”  If indeed that’s the case, then what must beleaguered and unappreciated former Twins reliever Ron Davis think of himself, and what is he saying?

Read the rest of this entry »

Not Babe Ruth, no. Not Lou Gehrig or Barry Bonds. Not even Neifi Perez.

No, the hitter with the best statistics in the history of baseball is none other than Scott Munninghoff, a right-handed pitcher who participated in only four major league games in his playing career. Munninghoff, or Muney, as I secretly call him, had one career plate appearance — in 1980 — and in that PA he cracked a triple.

This brings us here:

Munningham is not the only player to hit a triple in his only major league at bat, but he hit his tripz in 1980 — just the right environment to get an edge over Eduardo Rodriguez, who cracked a triple in 1973.

Here, dear baseball brethren, is you MLB wRC+ leader:

Batting 1.000 is kind of impressive, I guess. But hitting 1008 with wRC+ is easily far more impressive. Quantitatively, 1008 is precisely 1007 better than 1.000.

Eat it Barry Bonds, there’s a new daddy in town — and he’s a triplin’ daddy.

It’s common practice for one, when dancing, to shake what his mama gave him. If the video here — from a Detroit-area benefit held in August — is any indication, Tiger reliever Jose Valverde is the sort to shake not only what his mama gave him, but also quite a bit of what he’s given himself courtesy a diet rich in lipids.

Choreographed dance handshake for Jeff Zimmerman and, it appears, Twitter-er RationalSport.

For as long as anyone can remember, Billy the Marlin has been the standard bearer for men’s fashion. However, as you will soon see, this is no longer the case. Bear chagrined witness:

The billowy moo moo of a shirt; the black clod-hoppers wedged onto his stupefied, bloated fish feet; the desecrating Zubaz pants — they add up to the clowning of a once-proud fish-man. Based on appearances — and nothing should ever be based on anything but appearances — we are forced to assume that Billy the Marlin is now an asshole who needs angioplasty.

This has been your Daguerreotype of the Evening.

(Thanks or something like it to Eye on Baseball)

Today in Tweets Illustrated Literally, Rich Thompson of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim is outraged and self-censoring.

click to enlarge

Heh.

Dramatic Irony (n.) – irony that is inherent in speeches or a situation of a drama and is understood by the audience but not grasped by the characters in the play.

Here’s to you and your humanity Mike Bordick.

It’s like that old adage says: “Some days you play the trumpet, whilst other days Jay Johnstone plays you.”