The ballplayers above share nothing but a love of the game, the ability to look good in a round-topped, large-billed cap, and the appearance of their names in at least one sentence of standard English. Not just any sentence, mind you; a Memorable Quote from a Classic Film. Proceed.
Should you be the first to crack my rebus, I will a) write all about it in my diary and b) reward you by letting you name the topic of my next post. (Click to embiggen)
(numbers through Saturday)
1. Mark DeRosa (WSH) has 8 walks in 22 plate appearances. I would say this sounds like Mark DeRosa has decided he should no longer swing the bat, except he also has 6 hits in 14 at-bats, including a double and a home run. Last year, with 86 major league at-bats, Mark DeRosa had 8 walks, 2 doubles, and zero home runs. Last year, with 47 minor league at-bats, Mark DeRosa had 1 walk, 2 doubles, and zero home runs.
2. Brett Lawrie (TOR), who had a .953 OPS last season, has a 1.582 OPS this spring, and 5 stolen bases (he had 7, in 150 at-bats, last year). I wish Brett Lawrie wasn’t protected in all of my fantasy leagues.
3. No one has three triples yet. Among those with 2: Brandon Wood (COL). Wood actually has 8 career Spring Training triples. In 700 major league at-bats, Brandon Wood has zero triples.
4. Wade LeBlanc (MIA) is a monster. 10.1 innings. 1 hit. 9 strikeouts. Last spring, he gave up 17 earned runs in 19 2/3 innings.
5. Most innings pitched with zero strikeouts: Mike Pelfrey (NYM), with 7 innings. (12 hits, 8 runs, 3 home runs allowed….)
6. Julio Teheran (ATL) has given up 8 home runs in 9 innings. No one, last spring, gave up more than 7 home runs. In 2010, one person did. It was Mike Pelfrey. Ha. Going back to 2006, Brandon Backe gave up 12 home runs in 27 1/3 spring innings. Brandon Backe gave up 36 major league home runs, in 166 2/3 innings in the 2008 regular season. That is a lot.
As the handsome onlooker is no doubt aware, Andy Pettitte, weary of his mewling family, has decided to return to baseball and cash. But please know that he doesn’t feel good about it …
It is not often that an otherwise milquetoast base ball-ist such as Pettitte unleashes a quote that contains multitudes, but, lo, this one contains multitudes …
The Baltimore Orioles franchise may finally have reached it’s nadir. The following sign is now on display at KBA (that’s Korea Baseball Association) parks everywhere (via Daniel Kim via C.J. Nitkowski on Twitter):
In case you’re not familiar, the Orioles were effectively banned from Korea after failing to follow certain protocols in their attempts to sign 17-year-old pitcher Kim Seong-Min. That’s a hilarious enough story in itself, but it’s still stunning to see it on paper and rendered in a picture on the internet. To me, what really hits home is the exclamation point at the end of the Korean version of the statement. These guys mean business.
Heck, maybe the Orioles need to have the KBA fax some of those over to the home base in Camden, considering the Orioles already blew up their own scouting department?
-v @a AQ Awa-AAaaAojKkk
— Larry Stone (@StoneLarry) March 18, 2012
To the relaxed and reposed Internetting Gentleman, the Seattle Times‘ Larry Stone’s most recent submission to the public might appear to be nothing more than the product of a Gammons-esque pocket tweet.
Upon further research, however, it appears as though Stone’s tweet is not, in fact, mere nonsense, but actually a popular Klingon expression that, roughly translated, means “Is it not that my many, large, scattered muscles are quite capable of swelling for the benefit of the hearts of many scattered little women?”
To which pressing question the masses answer: “MajQa’! nuqDaq ‘oH puchpa”e’!”
“The Ballad of Rey Ordonez,” by The Isotopes, a “Punk Rock Baseball Club,” is fantastic. Enjoy:
I had to look up the lyrics. And now I like the track even more.
Never has Colby Rasmus said so much by saying nothing at all:
1. This is my “Another Four Years of Obama” face.
2. The Tony La Russa nightmares had stopped, for a while. But they’re back.
3. Far too many people know my father’s name.
5. I think about her often. I wonder how she’s doing. I wonder if the fire is still burning in the outfield.
6. Maybe it’s just society.
Image credit: Jonathan Ferrey at Getty Images.
This past weekend at the FanGraphs gathering in Phoenix, Mr. Carson Cistulli stated that he had never seen the George Brett-poops-himself video. I couln’t believe it, so I decided to hook him up. In case some of our other readers have also been deprived of this video, “enjoy.”
[Ed. Note: contains a wide and winning variety of explicit language.]
Original Version
Young Dale Sveum’s feathered part is symbolic of the deep fissures within: for Young Dale Sveum loves rebuilt engines as much as he loves baseball as much as he loves lady ass.
Young Dale Sveum boasts a necking technique that Sally Callahan, among others, has termed “The Gentleman’s Agreement.”
Upon first laying eyes upon it, Young Dale Sveum described his bow tie as being “sexy antifreeze in color.” When the haberdasher at After Six Formal Wear told him it was “really just light blue,” Young Dale Sveum cut him a hard look. “You and I,” Young Dale Sveum said, “we shall call it ‘Sexy Antifreeze,’ won’t we?” To this day, the patron may request such an exact hue of neckwear at After Six.
Once in Algebra II, Young Dale Sveum found himself idly doodling “I have a passion for passion” on the front of his Mead three-ring binder. He hurriedly scribbled it out, mostly because he knew it was true.
While some great figures of the past held a preternatural belief that they would one day enjoy an appointment with history, Young Dale Sveum always believed he’d have a make-out session with history punctuated by some sweet under-the-bra action.
Although it is usually a signifier of indigence and misfortune, living out of a van sounds pretty damn far-out to Young Dale Sveum.
Young Dale Sveum will be voted by his classmates as “Most Likely To Marijuana.”
After Young Dale Sveum helmed a cabal of jocks in ritually abusing freshman Bernie Stimpner, Stimpner, upon negotiating his way out of the trash can outside the cafeteria, declared: “Dale Sveum will one day be a great leader of men.” And so he was.
(Image courtesy of Chicagoist)
This is very likely not the best defensive play Braves shortstop prospect Andrelton Simmons has ever made — or, indeed, will make in the future. However, it’s the best defensive play that Simmons has ever made and which has also been captured from the internet, edited, exported into a GIF file, and then embedded in a NotGraphs post, from the fourth inning of a March 14th spring-training game with Mark Teahen batting.
