Young Dale Sveum

Young Dale Sveum’s feathered part is symbolic of the deep fissures within: for Young Dale Sveum loves rebuilt engines as much as he loves baseball as much as he loves lady ass.

Young Dale Sveum boasts a necking technique that Sally Callahan, among others, has termed “The Gentleman’s Agreement.”

Upon first laying eyes upon it, Young Dale Sveum described his bow tie as being “sexy antifreeze in color.” When the haberdasher at After Six Formal Wear told him it was “really just light blue,” Young Dale Sveum cut him a hard look. “You and I,” Young Dale Sveum said, “we shall call it ‘Sexy Antifreeze,’ won’t we?” To this day, the patron may request such an exact hue of neckwear at After Six.

Once in Algebra II, Young Dale Sveum found himself idly doodling “I have a passion for passion” on the front of his Mead three-ring binder. He hurriedly scribbled it out, mostly because he knew it was true.

While some great figures of the past held a preternatural belief that they would one day enjoy an appointment with history, Young Dale Sveum always believed he’d have a make-out session with history punctuated by some sweet under-the-bra action.

Although it is usually a signifier of indigence and misfortune, living out of a van sounds pretty damn far-out to Young Dale Sveum.

Young Dale Sveum will be voted by his classmates as “Most Likely To Marijuana.”

After Young Dale Sveum helmed a cabal of jocks in ritually abusing freshman Bernie Stimpner, Stimpner, upon negotiating his way out of the trash can outside the cafeteria, declared: “Dale Sveum will one day be a great leader of men.” And so he was.

(Image courtesy of Chicagoist)

We hoped you liked reading Young Dale Sveum by Dayn Perry!

Please support FanGraphs by becoming a member. We publish thousands of articles a year, host multiple podcasts, and have an ever growing database of baseball stats.

FanGraphs does not have a paywall. With your membership, we can continue to offer the content you've come to rely on and add to our unique baseball coverage.

Support FanGraphs




Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

newest oldest most voted
Nathan
Guest
Nathan

MORE OF THESE