The baseball cleared the right field fence at U.S. Cellular Field on the South Side of Chicago, past the outstretched glove of Alex Rios, and landed in the Toronto Blue Jays bullpen for a two-run home run. Colby Rasmus did what he always does: Not smile. He had business to take care of, a couple of bases to round. This is about as close as Rasmus got, even after a career night: a five-for-five performance, one that saw his wOBA rise from .304 to .326, and his wRC+ rise from 89 to 104, on the season.

Rasmus is stoic. The polar opposite of his fellow high-ceilinged teammate Brett Lawrie. And it’s been a study in contrast to watch the two of them play baseball on a day-to-day basis.

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One assumes that, all appearances to the contrary, Boston reliever Alfredo Aceves isn’t a an actual pirate. On the other hand, that’s precisely the sort of thing a pirate would want you to think.

Credit to actual member of Britain’s landed gentry, Liam Milner.

Can you tell the difference between San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy and noted American actor Sam Elliott? Click below to take a simple quiz.

17-year-old shortstop Carlos Correa has made history by being the first Puerto Rican player selected first in the MLB draft when he was selected yesterday by my Houston Astros. Here’s 20 things you may not have realized about him:
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Titanic 3D “is not currently playing in or near the location you have selected.” Now that that’s out of the way, you can return to what’s important: Baseball.

Carry on.

Man has never wondered — definitely not aloud, and likely not to himself, either — if it would be possible to write two posts regarding the video for Dire Straits’ “Walk of Life” on a baseballing-themed blog within the span of just three or four days.

A pity, that, as the present dispatch does, in fact, represent the second such post in just such a span of days.

The object of this post: to identify all (or even one) of the baseball players in same video. A combination of Baseball Reference and the fusiform gyrus part of the author’s brain have conspired to start the list, as seen below.

The readership is invited to add to said list — or to sit there, mouth agape, staring into an uncertain future. Either one.

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This is the eighth in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: WILL (CLARK) AND (MARK) GRACE

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It’s the t-shirt the Cobra, Dave Parker, made famous way back in 1976. And via the folks at Homage, it’s only $28! Or $39.63, in total, including shipping to the great nation of Canada. Pricey, yes, for a t-shirt, but at NotGraphs, we get paid the big bucks, and I sleep better at night knowing that I’ve done my part for your struggling economy, America.

On an aside, I want the Pittsburgh Pirates to be great again. Is that weird?

H/T: Calafornaheim.

Brewers broadcaster Bob Uecker thinks that both Usinger’s Famous Sausage and sunscreen are important things in this life. With regard to them meeting, however, his opinion is that, more or less, never the twain should — if not necessarily in those words.

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It’s happening. After a series of cannibalistic attacks in the past week or so, I think we can say two things for sure: the Mayans were right, and we have chosen the form of the Traveller — not a delicious-if-irritable Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, nor a giant slor, nor a large and moving torb. The apocalypse will be brought to us by zombies, folks.

In honor of this, the last MLB season ever to be played and watched by fully living human beings, I offer you these images from the future — i.e. the 2013 MLB season that will be played and watched entirely by zombies.

Zombie Greinke: barely more unnerving than actual Greinke.

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