The Angels’ History, in Baseball Card Expressions

The Angels are at .500 — both in historical and, arguably, eschatological terms, though here at NotGraphs we rarely concern ourselves with the latter. As regards the former, in reviewing the legacy of a proudly mediocre franchise, we have made a rather startling discovery. It seems that the success of this particular ballclub is entirely predictable on the straightforward basis of its members’ preseason baseball-card expressions. We hope you enjoy this emotionally wrenching trip down memory lane.

angels


Watch This Instead of a YouTube Compilation of Air Crashes

Odor Rios

While there’s nothing explicitly wrong with watching an entire 14-minute YouTube compilation of only air-show crashes — and while such a video might serve to remind one that life is fleeting and ephemeral — it’s also difficult to ignore the unpleasant sensation produced inside of oneself just after having regarded death upon loud and fiery death of otherwise innocent peoples.

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THREE Genuine True FACTS About Munenori Kawasaki

FACT #1:

Munenori Kawasaki is the starting second baseman for the not-tanking Toronto Blue Jays. (He has played in all by 1 games since June 17.) (And he has an 89 wRC+.)

FACT #2:

According to Scientific Projections, Munenori Kawasaki will be the greatest hitter in baseball within the next five years:

Munenori Kawasaki Projection

Kawasaki Projection

FACT #3:

Muni is not at all terrible at defense:


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The Very First All-Stars: Where Are They Now?

The first MLB All-Star Game took place in 1933. We at NotGraphs thought we’d take a look back at the players in the starting lineups and see where they are now.

National League
SP Bill Hallahan, St. Louis — Deceased
C Jimmie Wilson, St. Louis — Deceased
1B Bill Terry, New York — Deceased
2B Frankie Frisch, St. Louis — Deceased
3B Pepper Martin, St. Louis — Deceased
SS Dick Bartell, Philadelphia — Deceased
LF Chick Hafey, Cincinnati — Deceased
CF Wally Berger, Boston — Deceased
RF Chuck Klein, Philadelphia — Deceased

American League
SP Lefty Gomez, New York — Deceased
C Rick Ferrell, Boston — Deceased
1B Lou Gehrig, New York — Deceased
2B Charlie Gehringer, Detroit — Deceased
3B Jimmy Dykes, Chicago — Deceased
SS Joe Cronin, Washington — Deceased
LF Ben Chapman, New York — Deceased
CF Al Simmons, Chicago — Deceased
RF Babe Ruth, New York — Deceased

This does not bode well for the current batch of All-Stars.


A GIF and a Tune: Mike Trout is the America We Deserve

This hot footage was captured not on America’s actual birthday, but Mike Trout doesn’t need the excuse of an anniversary to show that he does, indeed, love America. As if you didn’t know that already.

Watch:

trouthrforamerica

Listen:
america


Ten Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Jose Abreu

JAbreu

In a recent summer stock production, he starred as North America.

He once offered to un-lean the Tower of Pisa. (Italy refused the offer.)

Along with various dams, highways and cities, he is one of the few manmade objects visible from space, unless he is in the restroom.

He once won a Havana competitive eating contest by downing 52,673 of Fidel Castro’s lightly seasoned ear hairs.
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Tragic Vintage Ballplayer of the Day: Humpty Badel

badel

Fred Badel was an illiterate German immigrant from Carnegie, PA, who suffered from curvature of the spine. He was a .300 hitter and an outstanding baserunner for the Buffalo Bisons, until the “humpstroking business” became intolerable. His teammates rubbed his hump so often for good luck that Humpty began to feel persecuted. After the 1906 season, he broke his contract and destroyed his big league prospects. Then his mother died and his brother was hit by a train, and Humpty missed a year. He made it back to the diamond with Johnstown in 1908. His manager, Ed Ashenback, tells us how it went.

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One MS-Painting of a Ballpark

I can’t compete with Craig Robinson’s brilliant art. I can only try my best.

(People in the comments wanted to buy Craig’s. Anyone interested in mine?)

Shea Stadium (from memory) (I am nearsighted) (And I have a bad memory) (And it’s almost a holiday) (And I moved this week) (So please forgive me) (Doesn’t this kind of look like a piece of pizza?) (I’m hungry) (Can I just say Hopeless Joe made this?) (Or my eight-month old son?)

Shea


Promotional Ideas Courtesy the Actual Ghost of Bill Veeck

Veeck

Not unlike the astrophysicist whose ever-increasing intimacy with the universe only serves to convince him that it (i.e. that same universe) is the result of a thousand miracles, so too does the analytically inclined baseball writer, with every spreadsheet he populates with sexy data, become more resolute in his opinion that the game is designed to transcend reason.

Such being the case, I was less surprised than I might have otherwise been when, while working quietly in my study last night, I was visited by the ghost-specter of former and long-dead MLB executive Bill Veeck. After accepting a brandy, the noted jackanapes confessed that, while the afterlife offered myriad pleasures, he was frustrated by his inability to personally disrupt what he regarded as a “wave of conservatism” among modern baseball ownership. I will neither confirm nor deny that he directly cited and threatened bodily harm upon Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and Jeffrey Loria’s gentleman’s tackle.

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VIDEO: 5 Hot, Smoldering Minutes of Defense

A double-dosage of thanks to Youtuber tensaibaka for compiling the best defensive moments (and one pitching moment) of the NPB’s month of June. Girdle your mind for adventure:

It starts with a Mario Super Sluggers eephus pitch. Anything that starts with an eephus pitch will only make happiness smoulder in your chest like a-bucket-hot-wings heartburn. And here are some of the more funnest ones, en-GIF’d:

Jumps!
The over-jump!

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