Must-$ee Clickbait: A Lucrative NotGraphs $lideshow

If you’ve spent any length of time on the Internet, you’ve likely noticed three conspicuous things – actually, four, if you count No. 1 as two:

1) Breasts
2) One weird trick
3) The slide show

It will shock exactly none of you, provided that all of you attended the London School of Economics, that the motive behind this trio of ’Net essentials is something I like to call “money.” The way it works is this: Click on a breast, someone makes money. Click on the second breast, someone makes twice as much money.

Got that? The theme here is money.

One weird trick to making money, it turns out, is to produce what we in the Internet industry call a “slide show.” A slide show works like this: You find a slide, and then you “show” it. After that, you drive your Lambo to the bank.

And so, in the spirit of driving my Lambo to the bank, I give you this slide show. Please bear in mind that the slides used in this show have not given their expressed written consent, so, when I drive to the bank, I will probably take the back way.

Also, I will probably drive the blue Lambo, not the red one.

This first slide looks like a lot of fun – if you’re a hamster. If you’re not a hamster, you should try to become a hamster, but only if you own this slide. If you don’t own this slide, it’s probably best that you not become a hamster.

This slide looks like even more fun, mostly because the people on the upper left appear to be sliding upward, on their feet. According to a fun encyclopedia called The Fun Encyclopedia, this would be a lot of fun.

This slide – technically a “landslide” – does not look quite as fun, especially if you are northbound, or maybe southbound, and late for work.

Also a “landslide,” though less technically so, this one is suggestive of Walter Mondale poking his nostrils – just barely – from the Minnesota dirt. For Mondale, it was not very fun. For Reagan, it was thought to be enjoyable.

Here we see a ’70s sexpot named Stevie Nicks. According to reports, she saw her reflection in the snow-covered hills till the landslide brought her down. For a ’70s sexpot, such a landslide would not have been enjoyable.

Though not a landslide in the technical sense, this slide indicates that the Nikkei Index is not “edging higher.” If you are the type of investor who prefers that his indices do “edge higher,” this sort of slide is not much fun.

This slide looks to be a whole lot of fun, even if, in efforts to demonstrate said level of enjoyment, one must use simulated water and enthusiastic child models.

Among baseball’s most surprising slides, this is one that neither the Boston Red Sox nor the people of Greater Boston considered enjoyable.

Among baseball’s most ardent and airborne of slides, this one has Tigers legend Ty “The Georgia Peach” Cobb enjoying a sunny day at the ballpark.

On second thought, I think I’ll drive the red Lambo — straight to the bank.

It’s what Cobb would have wanted.