Do You Suffer from LRGB?

What I remember was sheer adulation. There was one girl who worked in the Kansas City Royals office who had what we would now call a large reaction to George Brett. Her eyes melted just gazing at him. He had star power.

– Ted Spiegel

Does the mere sight of George Brett cause you to develop hives, wheezing, or hot flashes? Do you have to leave the room during reruns of the 1985 World Series? Does the mention of “pine tar” induce an unaccountable burning in your loins? If so, you may suffer from LRGB (Large Reaction to George Brett). The good news is that you are not alone: LRGB afflicts an estimated 15 million Americans! Though some display no visible symptoms and can be treated with simple lifestyle changes, for others life with LRGB is a continual battle and requires careful, vigilant attention.

If left untreated, LRGB can have serious complications including coma, death, or even Royals season tickets. However, don’t lose hope. A new treatment is available, and it has already proven effective for thousands of sufferers. Called Therapeutic Intensive Brett Exposure (TIBE), it promises a lifetime of relief in return for 48-72 hours of unimaginable agony. Call your doctor today!