April 22, 1890: Emile Kinst (pictured below) files for patent on certain new and useful Improvements in Ball-Bats. The profundity of this breakthrough, which changed the sport forever, is best appreciated by reading Kinst’s own words.
I have traveled to Iowa City this weekend to check out what will soon be my new home town. I have brought with me my wife and seven-year old son. As a dad, I have a limited repertoire of jokes. Here is what my family has had to endure:
Is this Heaven? No, we’re still in Wisconsin.
Is this Heaven? No, it’s Dubuque, “one of the few large cities in Iowa with hills.”
Is this Heaven? No, Heaven doesn’t have road construction.
Is this Heaven? I imagine Heaven would be more heavily populated.
Is this Heaven? Why would Heaven need this much corn?
Is this Heaven? Given that it’s currently raining water, and not bourbon, I would say no.
Is this Heaven? No, it’s a Buffalo Wild Wings.
Is this Heaven? No, it’s a 7:00 showing of Amazing Spider-Man 2.
Is this Heaven? No, it’s a Sheraton.
Is this Heaven? We are sorry. MLB.TV has determined that you are located inside one of the applicable Club’s home television territories and are therefore blacked out of the Heaven you have selected. Live audio of this Heaven is available as part of your MLB.TV subscription.
This has been “Mike makes you as sick of him as his family is.”
Ranking the top ten Kevin Costner baseball films of all time.
1. Bull Durham (1988)
All-time classic captures the humor and magic of baseball like no other. Costner is a veteran minor-league catcher who finds himself in a love triangle with the loose-cannon pitcher he’s been called down to mentor and the team groupie who’s set her sights on conquering them both.
2. Field of Dreams (1989)
Unabashedly sentimental but irresistibly endearing, this adaptation of Kinsella’s novel channels Frank Capra and unleashes the full range of Costner’s charm, while giving Shoeless Joe Jackson the immortality he deserves.
3. For Love of the Game (1999)
Uneven, hokey date movie features Costner as aging pitcher at a crossroads, his mind wandering as he hurls a perfect game.
4. The Upside of Anger (2005)
One of Costner’s finest performances, as a retired baseball player and alcoholic who gets involved with his single-mom neighbor.
5. The Postman (1997)
This movie, which no one ever saw or will admit to seeing, may or may not have starred Costner as slumping slugger and notorious bad-boy Jerry “Postman” Patton, who learns a few life lessons during a reluctant stint in Japan.
6. A League of Their Own (1992)
Family favorite features Costner in the role he was born to play, as washed-up alcoholic seeking unlikely redemption at the helm of an all-female baseball team.
7. Dead Pull (1991)
Aging star pitcher and affable alcoholic Bruce “Cheddar” Myers (Costner) gets one more shot at glory — only to find himself the target of a twisted murder plot. Legendary climax features Myers being run over by a train en route to his first World Series start, only to make an unexpected entrance, lead his team to victory, foil the conspirators in the opposing dugout, and win back the heart of his long-time sweetheart (a lonely and streetwise Annette Bening).
8. Robin Yount: Prince of Brewers (2001)
Underrated biopic follows “The Kid” from teenage phenom to reflective coach. Co-starring Dermot Mulroney as Paul Molitor.
9. Shagging Flies (1979)
Forgettable teen romp features Costner in his acting debut, portraying a randy fraternity brother who parlays his college baseball skills into a string of sexual escapades.
10. Bull Tijuana (1996)
An ill-advised attempt to recapture the Bull Durham magic, this dud finds a washed-up Crash Davis in the Mexican League, where he mentors the unpredictable “El Nuque” La Luz (Luis Guzman) while grappling with an irascible manager (Cheech Marin) and a seductive groupie (Salma Hayek).
To All:
It’s been a while since we’ve all relaxed a little and cut loose, so now that the quarterly reports are done, it’s time for a little office party. So mark your calendars for Friday, May 9, from 11:30 to 12:45, in the conference room. We have to get everything out of there by 1:00, however, because Cameron’s got a meeting in there.
We wanted this party to be a little different, so this year we have a theme: TOPPS!
We’re going to rip open new packs, share all our favorite old cards, and make fun of Oh-Pee-Chee. Sounds like an alcohol-free blast!
But wait! Every party needs three things: Chips, DIPS, and decorations. So let’s see what we’ve got in the NotGraphs supply closet:
Check
Check
This has been Inserting Aaron Harang into Classic Silent Films. May it never be again.
Why are you so sad, Steve Bedrosian?
Is it because you saw the end of Kris Kristofferson’s remake of A Star Is Born?
Is it because Barry Gibb finally retired the name Bee Gees and disco died?
Is it because you are watching Bambi?
Is it because you stubbed your toe really hard?
Is it because it’s time to take off your beautiful jacket and come into the ball game?
Is it because you’re playing for the mid-80s Braves?
Is it because they made you a starting pitcher in 1985?
Is it because you know you didn’t deserve that Cy Young Award in 1987 and you feel like a fraud?
Is it because you’ve been hanging out with Hopeless Joe?
Is it because you realized time is fleeting, you’ve wasted so much of it, and you’ll never get it back?
Is it because it’s all so meaningless?
Cheer up, Steve Bedrosian.
Have some panda babies.
Would you like for it to be larger, reader? I think you know exactly what to do.
It’s Johntasy Baseball, the game where you draft a roster of pitchers, and when they all undergo Tommy John surgery, you win! Sounds easy, right? Especially since Tommy John Surgery is like the new Neck Tattoo. Trendy, painful, and pretty terrible to watch. But there’s more! What if someone on your roster just wants to rest and rehab? Why, that’s worth points too — and then extra points when he ultimately has the surgery anyway? Someone on your team sent to Dr. Andrews for an evaluation? Points! MRI? Points! Disabled for a generic-sounding soreness issue that you’re pretty sure is going to end in surgery eventually? Chris Sale, you’re scoring the saddest points of them all! Rehab setback? Points! Start pushed back? Points! Does he even have an elbow ligament anymore? Points! With Johntasy Baseball, everyone wins, except everyone!
Yesterday, former Braves reliever Mark Wohlers expressed some surprise that the NBA would be taking steps to suspend and remove Donald Sterling as the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, for his abhorrently racist comments that we don’t really need to rehash here, except to say it’s pretty funny to hear a miserable racist philanderer complain that his bi-racial girlfriend has the temerity to publicly hang out with other people of color.
Wohlers, while not defending Sterling’s comments, tried to defend the bigot slumlord’s right to express those thoughts and keep his team:
I’m off to search for the First Amendment. Hopefully it’s around here somewhere. Be back soon #fingerscrossed
— Mark Wohlers (@MarkWohlers) April 29, 2014
Now, of course the first amendment doesn’t say what Wohlers thought it did. But that’s neither here nor there. More importantly, with his comments, Wohlers joins the elite fraternity of former Braves relievers who say and do controversial and ridiculous things that John Rocker started way back in 1999 when he engaged in his thought experiment about riding the New York City subway:
“Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you’re riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing… The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”
It’s a larger group than you would’ve guessed. Here, below, is the rest of club: Read the rest of this entry »
In which we spotlight the five minor-league prospects whom we most want to reach the majors, for reasons completely unrelated to baseball skill.
1) Kevin Vance, RHP, Birmingham
On Twitter, Kevin Vance describes himself as an “Undersized Silver Back Gorilla.” To call his tweets “pearls of wisdom” would be to give pearls a great compliment. To wit: “I don’t want to learn the language that Khaleesi speaks, I need to.” “Oh you went to Coachella? No one cares.” “Do people still orders magazines? Unless you own a barber shop you should not be doing that #21stCentury” “Need to see a full on make out at the end of a ice dance performance. Figure it out. #5SecondFrencher #Sochi #SuchATease #MakeOut #Nation”
2) Dovydas Neverauskas, RHP, West Virginia
Dovydas Neverauskas goes by “Never.” As in, there has never been a major league player from Lithuania. When he was asked if his teammates had heard of Lithuania, he said: “To be honest, they really do not know.” Also, he is on SoundCloud.