Buried at the bottom of a story last week at MLB.com:
The New York police officer on trial for allegedly plotting to kidnap, murder and eat 100 women was high school baseball teammates with Mets outfielder Mike Baxter.
Also in the news:
Former Braves catcher Bruce Benedict next in line to be Pope.
Ramon Castro, Jason Castro, Starlin Castro said to be under consideration to succeed distant cousins Fidel and Raul in Cuba.
You have previously been made aware of the baseball prowess of perpetual Presidential candidate (I’m fairly sure he’s still running, somewhere) and spritely elf Ronald Ernest Paul, former congressman from Texas’s 14th district. Paul’s performance in the annual Congressional Baseball Game is legendary, as it includes the first out of the park home run in the game’s long history (it’s been held at least 79 times since 1909) and still just one of two. He was 45 at the time.
Three years later, at 48, he almost did it again, as the following video, uncovered by Steve E. over at Whiskers on a Stache (where you can find the finest admiration of Kevin Bass) demonstrates:
What else do we learn about Representative Paul during the 1983 game at Four Mile Run Park in Alexandria, Virginia?
Ultimately, Conte’s egregious managing probably costs the Republicans the win in 1983, as the game ends in the first ever tie, 17-17. Clearly not as good at running a ball club as he was at acquiring defense contracts for Western Massachusetts. On the day, Paul officially goes 2-for-3 with a single, double, HBP, reached on catcher’s interference and at least a run scored and two RBI. Hits for average, power, runs, fields, and throws like a boss. And he’s the best gynecologist on the field. He’s a rare six tool player.
I just got word that for the 2013 season, Albert Pujols will be portrayed by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The first leaked photos from the Angels’ set can be seen above. I’m curious how the community in general, and Halos fans in particular, feel about this. Can The Rock do Sir Albert justice? He’s shown us more range lately, but it’s a big leap from “Tooth Fairy” to the face of a contending franchise. On the other hand, if anything can turn around a four-year power slide, it’s that set of pythons right there.
JUPITER, FLA. — The Cardinals of the National League of Professional Baseball Clubs moved deliberately but inexorably on Tuesday toward the selection of a new pope after the resignation of Bruce Benedict XVI, meeting for a third time for discussions and to hear speeches — both inspirational and informational.
Roger Dean Stadium officials said the Home Dugout, the traditional location of the conclave that chooses the pope, would close at 1 p.m. on Tuesday in preparation for the gathering of the Cardinals who will elect Benedict’s successor.
Hey all, just wanted to tip you off to an upcoming event of potential interest. Anyone who’s in the NYC area over the next several months should be sure to check out the new exhibition at the Guggenheim. It’s called “(R)Ejecting the Status Quo: 600 Years of Joe West Images,” and though the title pretty much speaks for itself, here’s a bit from the official description as well as a few of the works included:
This landmark exhibition gathers works spanning six centuries, from Renaissance Florence to postmodern London, that together comprise the first major overview of representations of the umpire Joe West. In addition to tracing Western art’s evolving engagement with West, that most compelling and elusive of subjects, “(R)Ejecting the Status Quo” maps previously uncharted, tectonic shifts in cultural attitudes towards umpiring, baseball, and the nature of public personhood.
Joe West by Marcel Duchamp
Joe West by Andy Warhol
Last Wednesday, in one of my weaker moments, I asked for your opinion regarding which headline you would be most likely to click on. The winning headline is, of course, above. I regret this decision, as democracy remains a profoundly stupid thing. As we all remember from last year’s Ron Swanson Hall of Fame debacle, if you want a decision made right, you need an enlightened despot and absolute sovereign to do it.
Nevertheless, I refused to impose my will on you all as I should have, and we devolved into the depraved preferences of the common public. Indeed, let it be forever remembered that the rabble will gladly choose mindless dance competitions populated by familiar, vapid faces, police procedurals, and (worst of all) The Big Bang Theory over unparalleled genius like Breaking Bad and the first three seasons of Community.
Damn you, the plurality decided they would like to watch a billionaire (a modern day monarch who, by rights, should rule us all if there ever was one) flattened by an blacksmith’s anvil, as strumpets gyrated in celebration of his bloody and painful death, rather than the exquisite beauty of a perfectly performed nutshot on TJ Simers. You stupid souls would rather see the tragic end of a tone-deaf titan, rather than see a boorish, whiny, ungrateful relief pitcher deservedly cast into a pit of alligators during a picnic.
Well, the 20.5 percent of you who voted enthusiastically to witness wholesale slaughter and titillation will get your wish. I am a man of my word, having entered myself into a binding social contract to provide you the base entertainment you crave like decadent Romans eager to see early Christians disemboweled in front of you. Here then. Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here? Very well. Feast your eyes:
Recently when scrolling through baseball news I glimpsed the following extraordinary headline: “Booty Wins Knuckler Show.” I probably shouldn’t have pursued this any further, since any additional information can only dilute the pure joy of such a perfect sentence. But pursue I did, with the help of the Google, and after a few false steps:
– Urban Dictionary’s definition of “Booty Knuckle”: “The skin or fold that the butt creates when standing up, and dissappers when bending over.” (Filed next to “Monkey Knuckle,” “Penis Knuckle,” “Nut Knuckle,” “Knuckle Hugger,” and “Knuckle Trumpet.”)
I’ve recently been irked by this article at The Barnstormer by Mike Spry, which seems to hold that fans who are “into advanced stats” can’t appreciate the abstract beauty of the game, or that such fans are unable to participate in true, scintillating arguments about baseball topics. It’s a tired argument that shouldn’t need to be refuted again. Even if there are such closed-minded “statheads,” if you don’t like them, don’t read their blogs, don’t engage them. There are enough baseball fans and websites that there should be conversation and internets enough for everyone. While there are plenty examples of statistically-minded baseball fans making fun of those who eschew advanced stats, I think we’d be hard-pressed to find a stat-fan who’d say that stat-haters are not fans at all, which seems to be something that is often argued or at least heavily implied in the other direction.
A player like Liván Hernández is, for me, one of so many examples of how looking at the stats can lead to fun and productive arguments. His stats can create any number of narratives, any number of discussions about the usefulness of stats, where they still fall short, etc. They can lead us to consider — in conversations with palpable friends over analog beer and under the analog sky — about the value of an innings eater, what makes an average player, what sorts of teams would most benefit from a guy like Liván this season — the list approaches infinity. Any of these would be a fun conversations to have, with real room for dialog and insight. I know that I have had many such exchanges with friends, and if there’s a “stathead” who hasn’t had the same, I truly feel sorry for him/her, but I suspect that such specimens are few and far between.
Whether you’re already starting to petrify in front of your basement-computer or need to have your MLB-video-archive-cherry popped, please join me now in celebrating a pinnacle in the career of Liván Hernández, one of MLB’s “lesser freaks” of the late ’90s and early ’00s: his record-setting 15-strikeout game in the 1997 NLCS against the Atlanta Braves. (Video after jump.)
It is shaping up to be quite a battle in Florida for the Cardinals’ final bench spot, with three candidates who all brought out the big paragraphs in an interview with Fox Sports Midwest earlier in the week. I think it’s pretty hard to call this one:
Adron Chambers:
“I just want to get on base. I want to steal some bases. I have Willie McGee and Ozzie Smith out here helping me and they were great ballplayers and great base stealers and the kind of player I want to be, not necessarily home run hitters but could run and had great athletic ability and could do some damage on the base paths and create some things.”
Shane Robinson:
“I learned a couple hard lessons that nothing is guaranteed in this game so I’m just going to go out there and do what I can to the best of my abilities and hopefully put that seed in the coaches head that this is the guy they want. I want to show the coaches that I’m the guy they want. I don’t want to be on the fence with anything. I want to bust my butt and do all the things right that I need to do and when it comes to when they are picking the team, I don’t want to be the guy that’s on the fence. I want to be the guy they say, ‘this is the guy we want on the team, no ifs, ands or buts about it. He hustles, he does all the right things. He’s smart. That’s pretty much it.”
Justin Christian:
“Everybody here is a heck of a player. For me just being able to have the opportunity to come out here, every year I’m pretty much in the same situation where you have to fight and scrap to prove yourself year in and year out. For me it’s just an opportunity to come out here and I’ve been well received over here with the Cardinals. I’m excited. I’m just a guy that’s going to give it 110 percent every day, whether I’m starting or not starting, I’m going to go out there and be a team guy and play hard every day. Every time I’m in the lineup I’m going to try to bring to the table some good defense and some situational hitting and try to steal some bases.”
Winner?
