On Thursday, Twitter lurched to a halt and then sloughed off into the murky fathoms of the sea when a single tweet embodied the entire essence of the very medium of which it was believed to be but an infinitesimal sliver. This is that tweet:
And this is the Internet.
Here’s a completely authentic and totally unadulterated message from avant-garde sportsman Max Scherzer’s Twitter account this morning (click to embiggen):
The following tweet is entirely and in-no-way altered from the original (click to embiggen):
Here’s a completely authentic and totally unadulterated message from noted linguist and spokesman of the American Left Noam Chomsky’s Twitter account to avant-garde sportsman Max Scherzer from this morning, apropos a central idea from the former’s work on generative grammar (click to embiggen):
Here’s a completely authentic and totally unadulterated message from avant-garde sportsman Max Scherzer’s Twitter account this morning (click to embiggen):
As much as Twitter has been brought into the foreground of our social consciousness, it is still in its relative infancy. We use it, we engage it, but are we entirely sure how we should be using it? Moreover, can we glean meaning of our world – and of ourselves – from it?
Twitter user SC_078 offers an attempt to heighten the self-awareness of our Mothersite through this new player in social media:
Mr. _078 – the self-proclaimed “Pussy eating champ of Southern Ohio” – a man who spends most of his Twitter-hours using poor grammar to engage porn stars, raises an interesting question. However, before we can answer it, we must chew it down to the bone. He wouldn’t ask this question at all if he didn’t have some inclination that FanGraphs — blessed be thy name — is actually gay. What would prompt him to jump to such conclusions? We must assume that he believes one of the following to be true:
1. FanGraphs, through its use of advanced metrics and forward-thinking baseball analysis, is somehow championing a homosexual agenda.
2. The writers at FanGraphs, either collectively or through a simple majority, are homosexuals.
3. Mr. _078 finds it proper to use the term “gay” as an adjective to describe having a happy, cheerful demeanor.
4. Mr. _078 finds it proper to use the term “gay” as an adjective to describe something he deems un-useful, unlikable, or uncouth.
I don’t particularly subscribe to any of these credos, but what am I to do? The huddled masses have spoken.
So let us, fair NotGraphs readers, engage in a little self-reflection. It is good for the soul. Let us take a moment, introspect, and conjure the exact reason we are all so gay.
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The following tweet is entirely and in-no-way altered from the original (click to embiggen):
Nick Punto inexplicably dives headfirst into first base on a routine groundout to the shortstop
— Mark Saxon (@markasaxon) August 31, 2012
“You can’t reason with grit,” Nick Punto told NotGraphs’ Investigative Reporting Investigation Team. And who are we to argue with Nick Punto?
Bit of old news, but did anyone notice Chipper Jones’s tweet on August 2? Allow me to remind you:
We need a dome! These rain delays stink. Nothin a couple of 2run dubs wont fix. Back on track and 8-1 on the twitta. Lets go Bravos 2.5 out!
— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) August 3, 2012
The tweet begins intelligibly enough. Chipper thinks the Atlanta Braves need a dome; he does not care for lengthy rain delays. Okay, good. Points are clearly, almost cogently expressed.
Then begins the lapse in logic, among other problems.
NotGraphs has learned this early evening that right-hander Zack Wheeler — ranked first among Mets prospects this preseason by FanGraphs’ Marc Hulet and Baseball America and probably other entities — is pretty hungry right now. A source with knowledge of the situation believes he’s going to order a pizza. He might play Call of Duty with fellow Mets minor-league pitcher Jack Leathersich, we’re hearing now, as well. The latest reports suggest that he (i.e. Wheeler) would not be averse to playing online with interested parties.
More on this story as it develops.
