Chipper Jones Speaks in Tongues

Bit of old news, but did anyone notice Chipper Jones’s tweet on August 2? Allow me to remind you:

The tweet begins intelligibly enough. Chipper thinks the Atlanta Braves need a dome; he does not care for lengthy rain delays. Okay, good. Points are clearly, almost cogently expressed.

Then begins the lapse in logic, among other problems.

By “Nothin a couple of 2run dubs wont fix,” do we think Chipper means this: “That I am upset about not having a domed stadium to play in and that I hate rain delays can be remedied by twenty-inch rims on an unspecified automobile if said rims produce two runs”? Or, does the “Nothin” refer to neither the dome nor the rain delay, but instead begin a new, unrelated declaration, i.e. “There is nothing in the world that ‘2run dubs wont fix'”?

Furthermore, do we take “wont” to be “won’t” without an apostrophe? Or do we take it to mean “wont,” i.e. “to make accustomed to” so that the statement now, translated, reads something like this: “There is nothing in the world that twenty-inch rims on an unspecified automobile will make accustomed to fix”? Heady.

The rest of the tweet cannot be parsed by the lay person. Is “Bravos” a misspelling, intentional or not? What is “2.5out”? There are three outs per half inning in baseball. Is 2.5 the “version” of “Bravos,” an app, that he is running on his smartphone? Has Skynet become self-aware and taken over Chipper Jones and all his internetted appendages?

Most likely, IMO, Chipper was inspired — mid-tweet — by something greater: the baseball gods and their earthly arbiters.


The source of Inspired Tweets, by @RealCJ10

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busch
Guest
busch

Maybe I am lacking a sense of humor at the moment (or you could have picked on of the many other Chipper tweets that were much worse) but:

2run dubs = 2 run doubles. If his teammates his some 2 run doubles (or he, himself, hits 2 run doubles) then the mood will lighten up.

Bravos = Braves. Trying to make that in to a joke is a reach IMO.

2.5out = 2.5 games out of first place.

With that being said, I offer a better tweet:

Chipper Jones‏@RealCJ10

Meep! Meep! Roadrunner comes thru in a pinch! Big Red threw great. Jhey w/ a huge knock to tie. Rossy, Jsoft and Juan came thru in extras!!!

OR any other tweet he produces.

RC
Guest
Member
RC

Such as this gem from July 25:

“Mike b and jhey go yicketty! The roadrunner went mammo! And the Bravos have a winning road trip. My kind of day off, no action!!!”

scout1222
Guest
scout1222

Cripes, are those real? I’ve got to start following him!

Bronnt
Guest
Bronnt

Absolutely real. Chipper’s Twitter language is so awesome it took very little time for someone to capitalize with a music video in homage to its awesomeness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ttZNc0Nfxg

It’s hilarious, trust me.

Jack
Guest
Jack

This reminds me of the passage in Through the Looking Glass where Humpty Dumpty explains the Jabberwocky, except less fun.

Nate
Guest
Nate

Who is Jsoft”? And is that the worst nickname of all time? What professional sports player wants to be known as soft?

MVPrado
Guest
MVPrado

Paul Janish (pronounced Yanish, because the J is soft) Jsoft.

Adrock
Guest
Adrock

After the explanation, it is clear that ‘J-soft’ is actually a great nickname.