Thought it doesn’t appear — like, at all — to be the quickest route from Tampa Bay, a Google Map has revealed today that, if the Rays have any interest in reaching the World Series Batting Cages located on Woodley Avenue, just south of JFK High School in Granada Hills, California, they’re going to have to go through Cleveland to do it.

Of the unusual driving directions, Google representative Simon Warble had this to say: “This is the single dumbest use I’ve seen of our Maps product, ever — including that time you inquired about public-transit options from a Chuck E. Cheese in Denver all the way to Sierra Leone. You have clearly just looked up one thing with the words world and series next to each other and pretend-mistaken it for Major League Baseball’s championship. Below inane, is how I’d describe it.”

Added Warble: “I feel compelled to add that I’m fictional person you just invented.”

“We’d be happy to have the Rays come by,” said World Series owners Peggy and Lionel Sheephats, “but we’d prefer you not make up weird names for us like Sheephats. Also, we agree with Simon Warble about your use of Google Maps. Seems like a lot of effort for what amounts to maybe one-third of a joke. And that’s being generous.”

• New York State, under the governance of Martin Van Buren, passed the Bank Safety Fund Law. This would later be recognized as a precursor to what we now know as deposit insurance.
• The Engrian region ruled by the Germanic Saxons endured their second defeat under Charlemagne.
• Benjamin Franklin, then deputy postmaster in the colonies, published The Gulf Stream Chart after becoming interested in the disparities in travel time between mail ships traveling to different destinations.
• The Saginaw Bay was populated by the Sauk tribe, having been forced from their territory along the St. Lawrence River by the Iroquois.
• Dante Alighieri, having already completed his Divine Comedy, wrote Monarchia, a call to establish a global monarchy underpinned by the Roman Catholic Church, which he saw as a path to everlasting peace.
• Rudolph I of Germany moved his family to Austria, greatly diminishing the importance of Hapsburg Castle as a dynastical focal point.
• The Zuniceratops, after nearly 10 million years of existence, evolved into what we commonly know now as the Triceratops.
• Jazz pianist Jelly Roll Morton returned to Chicago to perform his recently-published rag The Wolverines around various bars and night clubs.
• The Zhengtong Emperor, after being held prisoner for four years by the Oriat Mongols, was released, as the Ming never paid a ransom since the Emperor’s brother took over the throne under the name Jingtai.
• After rapid expansion and cooling ended, a large concentration of quark-gluon plasma was subject to baryogenesis, causing a small excess of quarks and leptons. This lead to a higher concentration of matter over antimatter that is still seen at present.

Not everyone is amused by all these boners.

Monday represented the 105th anniversary of Merkle’s Boner, the baserunning error committed by then-New York Giants rookie Fred Merkle that ultimately allowed the Chicago Cubs to win the National League pennant en route to their last World Series victory.

Below is a list of seven other notable gaffes from baseball’s rich and storied history.

1846 – In early edition of official base-and-ball rulebook, a very hungover Alexander Cartwright omits any mention of second base.

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Major League Baseball announced today its regular season schedule for 2014, which begins at the end of March.

Below are some notable aspects of same.

• Season begins with 2014 Opening Series in Australia between whatever members of D-backs and Dodgers have not been maimed and injured by that country’s menacing wildlife.

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@bsankr Michael Young for a potted plant, who hangs up first?

— Mike Petriello (@mike_petriello) July 15, 2013

Sandy Alderson accidentally butt-dials Rick Hahn while watching Glengarry Glen Ross at home. When he answers, Hahn overhears Alec Baldwin’s excellent “coffee is for closers” speech, which he’s always really liked. Who hangs up first?

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With regard to Carson Cistulli, a certain (and, for the moment, unnamed) Edward Jones representative knows two things — namely, that he (i.e. Carson Cistulli) is (a) not “cash rich” and also (b) a baseball writer of some kind.

With regard to the latter of those two points, the author presents here a lightly edited transcript of a recent phone conversation between himself and the aforementioned Edward Jones representative.

Author: Hello?

Broker: Carson, hi. It’s [name redacted] from Edward Jones.

Author: Oh, hello.

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Last week, ESPN columnist Rick Reilly wrote a piece for that site in which he appears to have suggested — if not explicitly, than at least by means of implication — that Baltimore first baseman Chris Davis’s recent feats of strength haven’t been achieved by the fairest of play.

Regarding Reilly’s rhetorical liberties, the present author has little to say — first of all, because that’s not his (i.e. the author’s) literary bailiwick, really, and, second of all, because “colleague” Michael Bates (if one could call him that without chortling) possesses considerably greater reserves of outrage.

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Kauffman Stadium is a tough park. Sure, it has those nice fountains and that massive scoreboard, but have you ever tried to put together a winning team there? Earlier this season, then-Royals hitting coach Jack Maloof noted that since the Royals’ home stadium deflates home run rates, there was no point in trying. That is obviously the main why the Royals are tied with the AAA-and-a-half Marlins for last in baseball in home runs.

[In an unrelated event, Maloof was shortly thereafter relieved of his duties and replaced with (interim) hitting coach George Brett. Maloof and co-coach Andre David were sent back down to coach in the minors, where they can work their magic again with young Royals hitters, just like they did with Eric Hosmer and Mike Moustakas.]

The K is not just responsible for the Royals’ relative inability to hit the ball out of the park. It also is responsible for their longstanding problems drawing walks, according to General Manager Dayton Moore.

[Both of these stories were written by former Kansas City Star employee Jeffrey Flanagan, who now writes for FOX Sports Kansas City, which, and you aren’t going to believe this, broadcasts Royals games! You might remember Flanagan from this.]

You might be expecting me to make points about component park factors, what other teams do in Kauffman or in their own parks given those factors, player development, or something else. But Moore and Maloof got me thinking. What other difficulties has Kauffman imposed upon the Royals over the years? I did some research, and lo-and-behold, I found a whole different set of park factors for The K.

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There are six affiliated minor-league clubs with the word “cat” in the team name. Some of those clubs are named after real types of cat; others, less so. What follows, for the benefit of (a) the readership and also (b) the abstract concept of Truth, is the authoritative list on teams named after cats, real or fictional.

Club: Carolina Mudcats (Zebulon, NC)
Level: High-A League: Carolina
Affiliation: Cleveland Indians
Real Thing? Yes. Common name for catfish native to the Mississippi Delta.

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Billy Buckner is famous for, well, you know what he’s famous for.

But did you know that, since retiring from baseball, he’s had serious work done by Flavor Flav’s orthodontist? Well now, thanks to this week’s edition of the Friday Grill & Bill, which is as efficient as it is a waste of the reader’s time, you do know about Bill’s grill.

“Grilly” Buckner

In conclusion,