It is with some frequency that we as baseball fans are made privy to a prospect’s hit tool via an all-too-familiar allusion, that annoyingly vague reference to the distinct sonic quality of said prospect’s bat against a recently pitched ball.
“The ball just sounds different coming off his bat,” we are told.
“When the ball comes off his bat, it just sounds different,” we hear.
“Different, is what the ball sounds like off his bat,” our ears pick up.
Footage like this of Peterson tripling off tough lefty Javier Lopez is part of the problem.
JUPITER, FL – An internet baseball weblogger who is definitely not the same one responsible for this post acknowledged early on Tuesday morning that first making and then intently watching GIFs of a San Diego shortstop prospect — regardless of actual motive — was probably inappropriate in some way.
SURPRISE, ARIZ. — Inspired by former teammate Ian Kinsler’s recent characterization of Rangers GM Jon Daniels, Texas ace and serial accumulator of super-awesome pitches Yu Darvish has added what he is calling the “sleazeball” to his already impressive arsenal.
Ty Cobb, or T-Nutts, is remembered by family as a warm and gentle man.
ATLANTA – Descendants of former Tigers outfield great Ty Cobb were furious on Wednesday after a picture of current Tigers outfielder Torii Hunter kissing an alligator went viral this week, revealing in the process that Hunter’s Instagram user name is tnutts48 — a name Cobb’s living family members say is the rightful property of their beloved relative.
DOWNTOWN — A local man was hospitalized early this morning after experiencing acute paralysis of his interior self, a condition which doctors believe is the direct result of a protracted and ultimately fruitless search for the exact right new ballcap ahead of the upcoming season.
Patrick O’Connell, the 26-year-old grad student who suffered the episode, is in critical but stable condition.
“We’re only now piecing together the details,” said Rakesh Mehta, a spokesman for the hospital. “It appears, however, as though the patient was intent on finding a hat that simultaneously demonstrated some manner of historical and regional significance, exhibited pleasing aesthetic qualities, and finally was also distinct enough so as to telegraph to others (mostly men) his sophistication as a consumer. A complicated endeavor, all told.”
An example of the Instagram feed from Saturday.
NEW YORK, NY — In an effort to attract a largely untapped but also generally affluent demographic, the New York Mets, in conjunction with local carrier WPIX, presented an Instagram broadcast this weekend — available only to viewers in the New York borough of Brooklyn — of their spring-training game against the Miami Marlins.
Scenes like this one always appealed to Tyler Smith.
SCHENECTADY — A man eager with anticipation for the start of spring training baseball games in Arizona and Florida — but also simultaneously demonstrating signs of gustatory hallucination — is probably having a stroke, according to those present.
As you’ve probably heard, Dodgers pitcher Clayton Kershaw recently signed a contract that will pay him more American dollars than you will earn across all the many lifetimes that Lord Buddha bestows upon you, even if you embezzle from your employers and/or diligently cut coupons.
As a result of his enviable windfall, the young lefty has been subject to a multitude of business proposals, probably. What follows is a not-at-all fictional record — or half-record, if you will — of just one of those.
There is the whir of the elliptical, the whine of the overhead fan.
Through the hum and drone comes a pulsing tone.
The young man picks up the cell phone and presses it to his ear.
Welcome the latest of NotGraphs’ award-winning series of crossbrand edutainment, wherein we consider the life works of an Important Historical Figure and examine, through careful research and analysis, what kind of manager that man would make. Today’s selection: the underrated twentieth-century French antihero, Phillipe Pétain.
Pétain rose from relative anonymity to become Commander-in-Chief of the French Army during the later stages of the First World War, primarily because he alone among his peers showed a hesitance to hurl his soldiers endlessly into mustard gas-coated barbed wire. He emerged from the War a hero on the scale of Eisenhower, only to end his life thirty years later in disgrace and exile.
Strategic Tendencies: Pétain was very much of the Earl Weaver school of warfare; he was preferred to wait for the three-run home run, saving up his offensives until he was assured of victory rather than dashing forward at the slightest opportunity. He was the sort of man who would hate to make outs on the basepaths. At the same time, the sacrifice bunt would play right into Pétain’s strong sense of nationalism, and of putting one’s country before one’s own happiness.
Defensive Philosophy: For aesthetic reasons alone, Pétain would never employ the shift.
Cliff Lee refreshes MLBTradeRumors. Nothing doing. His nephews told him this was the place to find any and all trade rumors. But it is not the place to find Cliff Lee trade rumors.
He types his name into the search bar. The corner of his mouth curls when he sees words like “available,” “movable,” and “in flux.” He scrolls down some more. Bad news. “High salary,” “requesting huge return,” and “very little chance.”
Why do they keep writing my God damned age?
He opens another window. Google.com. phillies should trade cliff lee. The results are all over the place.
The Dodgers? Oh man. Nice weather. Good team. That would be cool.
Boston? I could play in Boston. I wouldn’t have to hit. They just won a World Series. I want to win a World Series. That would be cool too.
His eyes hurt. He should go to bed. His dog sighs from the floor of the adjacent room. He echoes it. He continues clicking and scrolling.
Lee would have to waive his no trade clause to be moved.
He picks up his phone and sends a text to his agent.
i told you that id waive my no trade right?
Is he up? Probably not.
He refreshes MLBTradeRumors again. Nothing new. His phone vibrates. A text from his agent.
yes
