Merely a brief glance at the animated GIF embedded here might compel the reader to conclude that Texas right-hander Yu Darvish performed last (Thursday) night — in his start against Tampa Bay — rather a commonplace (if aborted) pick-off move towards second base against the Rays. In fact, further inspection reveals that the video footage is depicting Darvish, a fixture among baseball’s avant-garde always, literally pitching backwards.

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Oh, Cleveland. You are fighting for a wild card spot. Even though you have been working your hardest to secure one of the two spots, you continue to provide fan entertainment.

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Almost every day during the last three baseball seasons, I have been doing something that no other baseball fan does: I have been checking the box scores of Miami Marlins games.

I have been checking said scores with bated breath, even, hoping to see one thing: a Giancarlo Stanton home run.

The headlines for the highlight videos of Stanton’s dongs are seldom without descriptors such as “mammoth”, “moon shot”, “upper decker”, or “long potato.” Well, last night, Stanton outdid himself at Citizens Bank Park, placing one into orbit around a delicious planetoid, thereby delighting a powerful entertainment god and gaining for himself a third and gaudy monicker.

Suckle your eye-lips on this teat-treat:

Rudeeeeeeeeeeee!

Absurdism is best served GIF!

It would be difficult, owing largely to the number of grand slams he allowed, to describe Yankees reliever Preston Claiborne’s appearance at Boston on Friday night either as “very” or “even at all” successful.

That’s not to say it was entirely sans merit, however. Before conceding the relevant home run to Boston catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia in the seventh inning of that game, Claiborne threw a triumvirate of changeups, each of which deceased English person John Keats would have likened to Truth quite willingly.

Here, first, is Claiborne throwing that changeup to Red Sox outfielder Daniel Nava for a swinging strike two during the latter’s seventh-inning at-bat:

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This has been Hitting Home Runs with Party Subs. You’re welcome?

Sources close to the situation — and also just the box score itself — suggest that right-hander Jose Fernandez has homered tonight off Mike Minor in the sixth inning of Miami’s game against Atlanta. Internet hysteria suggests further that Fernandez has tossed his bat aside, spit on Atlanta third baseman Chris Johnson, and stabbed Atlanta manager Fredi Gonzalez in the subclavian artery with a crudely made shiv-weapon.

Mostly by way of Jeff Sullivan’s industry, NotGraphs presents here part of what appears to have been a night full of goddamn American fists in Miami, Florida.

Former Cincinnati and Seattle outfielder Wladimir Balentien is currently very much on pace to break the single-season home-run record of 55 set originally by Sadaharu Oh in 1964 and then tied by Tuffy Rhodes and Alex Cabrera in 2001 and 2002, respectively.

As of 10 days ago, Balentien had a month essentially to hit three home runs and tie the record. Presently, he’s hit two of those three — including one on Tuesday itself.

Here’s actual game footage of Balentien’s 54th homer:

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Before a game against the Giants, I talked to the Diamondbacks’ outfielder Adam Eaton about the first pitch and patience. That conversation may have had some unintended consequences.

Eno Sarris: Is it a mindset? Are you waiting for *this* pitch? Or are you waiting for a good pitch?

Adam Eaton: Depends on the situation for sure. In the leadoff spot, you don’t really wait for a pitch. As a leadoff hitter, you’re usually going to see a heater unless you get two strikes. And you want to see a lot of pitches. You almost want to see offspeed to let the guys behind you see those type of pitches. Depends on situations. In the leadoff spot, situation dictates how aggressive you can be, how many pitches you see and how comfortable you can get.

Sarris: You’re right, the numbers say that the first pitch of the game is like 90% fastballs and a lot of times in the zone. How do you balance “I need to see more pitches for my teammates” with “this first pitch is maybe going to be the best pitch I see”?

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The present author is an expert on almost zero topics. The production of embarrassing odors, perhaps. The concealment of those same embarrassing odors, probably also.

Two other disciplines, however, in which the author possesses something not very different than expertise — and both of which are decidedly relevant to the present weblog post — are Cleveland right-hander Corey Kluber and also capital-S Splendor.

Much like a Spice Girls song in which two become one, Corey Kluber and Splendor became one in the second inning of Kluber’s start last (Saturday) night — in particular on a 1-2 count to Mets first baseman Lucas Duda, on which count Kluber threw a two-seam fastball that started somewhere in the vicinity of Duda’s front hip and then migrated across the strike zone, like how the author’s Italian ancestors migrated across the Atlantic Ocean, if the Atlantic Ocean were a strike zone.

Like here, for example, in regular motion:

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If there’s one thing for which NotGraphs is known, it’s producing content designed specifically to court hot internet clicks. If there’s a second thing for which it’s known, however — besides that first thing involving hot internet clicks — it’s appealing to readers with the big, broad outlook. “There’s an entire world out there,” the editor of this site has often pronounced at company meetings, gesturing with his arms to the nearest window, so as to emphasize the point. “What our readers demand is that we cover it.”

It’s in fulfillment of that editorial mandate, then, that the author presents the animated GIF embedded here (from a longer video) of Doosan outfielder Byung-Hun Min both homering and then, with what the French may or may not call le grand geste, releasing his bat.

Credit to Dan of My KBO for bringing this footage to the public’s attention.