Sunday, 11AM. “I know, I’ll write a post for tomorrow about the anticipation on Twitter regarding Ben Sheets’s upcoming start for the Braves.”

Sunday, 11:05AM. I type into the Twitter search bar: Ben Sheets. (And, really, I did type it in correctly. Double-checked and everything.)

A few results:

omg im folding my brother’s ben linens and his sheets are like brown but kind of satiny and wow they are pretty pimpin

— americosmo(@kawaiianpizza) July 8, 2012

Top 3 most inconvenient things: painting the nails on your right hand, realizing you have to pee after you’re comfy in bed, & fitted sheets

— DrinkDrankDrunk (@DrunkAtUD) July 15, 2012

80% of all textiles, fabrics, clothes, linen, drapes, bed sheets, etc. were made from #hemp until the Cotton Gin was invented in the 1820s.

— iStrainGuide (@iStrainGuide) July 9, 2012

What kind of Hallmark card says “Sorry I perioded on the bed sheets in your guest room”?

— Amelia Erfart(@Qu4rtKn33) July 9, 2012

Thanks, Twitter.

Patience. The subtle sense is higher than desire and will.

— Travis Snider (@Lunchboxhero45) July 5, 2012

He’s batting .316/.396/.557 in AAA. What more do the Blue Jays want?

(I have a soft spot for Travis Snider, since he was on my Scoresheet team for the past few seasons– threw him back before the draft this year with much regret… although part of that regret was having turned down a Snider-for-Nelson Cruz one-for-one offer a couple of years ago….)

Of all the annoying things about public transit listening to girls talk about their problems has to take the cake

— Max Scherzer (@Max_Scherzer) May 25, 2012

Alternatively:

Of all the annoying things about public transit, seeing Max Scherzer eavesdropping on our conversation and tweeting about it has to take the cake

— Girls (@Girls)

Dustin Pedroia, with the quote of the week:

“I’m a lizard. I heal while I play. I’m a freak healer. I heal great.”

Two ways for this post to proceed. My first inclination: he’s a freak healer? What kinds of freaks can he heal? But that feels like slightly less fun than finding Google Images of lizards that look like Dustin Pedroia. So… presenting the Dustin Pedroia “I’m a lizard” collection:

(h/t: Baseball Think Factory)

Courtesy of reader Al, it’s Cleveland’s Hipster Ketchup high-fiving a fan:

Yes, I will post your mascot photos if you send them.

The glasses are pretty cool there. By next week he’ll have mustard sideburns and a relish goatee.

A neat article on Slate (written by the very impressively-named Matthew J.X. Malady) about mascot races. Here’s my favorite from the piece:

Mayors with giant heads: The Single-A Tri-City ValleyCats’ home stadium is located near the upstate New York cities of Albany, Schenectady, and Troy. In the middle of the sixth inning, dudes in khakis and oxford shirts put on giant heads resembling each city’s mayor and race down the right-field line.

It got me thinking… pretend you own a minor league team. What would you have racing down the line?

(If you want to e-mail your own Mascot Race JPGs, I’ll do a follow up post featuring the best (or worst) of….)

1. Jurickson Profar (previously #5)
2. Wil Myers
3. Michael Phelps
4. Mexico’s Ruling Party
5. Nectarines
6. John Roberts (1-for-1 in recent decisions)
7. Higgs Boson
8. Timothy Mayopoulos
9. Katie Holmes
10. Mark Prior

Off the list:
Facebook stock
Winter
Ann Curry
Jerry Sandusky

There are 30 words to find. (A few of them are parts of multi-word phrases.) I’m not telling you what they are. Find them.

G L Z Q M P J T X B P V E Y Y
W R S T R A S B U R G E R N E
I D O I G Y O S O C R R Z O S
E L C X A I E T N H E L S S O
T E L R I M A I T P E A X R P
E S A U O S C N N O N N S A R
R J K C T K R Y C T N D O C E
S F T E N S A E A A N E U N T
J U P A E D I N B D R R U A S
O O M O R S A C T M R L U M U
O E C A M E R O N E U E O L B
L O W R I E Y B R A U N N E E
W A H S R E K A D R I E W P U
E H C A T S U M L W U S S P R
N O D D A M I F B P Q G N A T

Dearest NotGraphs,

Best,
A Young Revolutionary

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Diamondbacks: Willie Bloomquist (who actually has a higher OPS, so, really, it’s a steal).

Braves: Julio Q. Teheran, cousin of prospect Julio A. Teheran.

Cubs: Theo Epstein, Jed Hoyer, and PLEASE CAN WE COME BACK TO THE RED SOX? PLEASE?

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