On the one hand, the equation that is the title of this post doesn’t really make sense. On the other hand, the author — owing to a lack of training in what many have taken to calling “physics” — doesn’t know that.

What the author does know is what side his bread is buttered on. And he also knows that, in addition to eating buttered bread, he likes to watch PYT Mike Stanton jack the hell out of some dongers — which, that’s precisely what Stanton did in the first and third innings, respectively, of Monday night’s contest between the Braves and Marlins.

The first homer, embedded above, is the sort that would be, in the parlance of a fictional Cleveland Indian fan, “too high” — if it weren’t also “too far,” that is. The second homer (below), while lacking the sheer loft of Stanton’s first, in fact traveled over 50 feet further than its predecessor.

You can watch both homers here, if you have time in your busy schedule. If you have even more time after that, you might consider writing the Great American Novel, with Mike Stanton as the protagonist.

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When we last checked in with Red Sox paterfamilias Terry Francona, he was making comedy jokes during an in-game interview with NESN broadcasters Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy.

If the above video — from another mid-game interview, from the very next day — is any indication, it appears as though mixing bidness with pleasure is not so uncommon for Signor Terry.

In this instance, FOX broadcaster So-and-So notes that Francona has decided to utilize the Fashion Hoodie made popular by footballing evil genius Bill Belichick — to which Francona responds that he’s always cold. In a different context, we might mistake his comment for a Natalie Imbruglia lyric, but Francona knows what all good comedians know: comedy is tragedy, plus time.

When the internet’s Aaron Gleeman talks, people listen. And when that same Aaron Gleeman tweets, about 9,000 people read those tweets.

One of those people is the present author, who, seeking the approval of someone both more important and wealthier than himself, has endeavored in this post to begin the meme that Aaron Gleeman believes should exist.

Specifically, Mr. Gleeman is referring to the following quote, which comes to our eyes courtesy of Vernon Wells (and also courtesy of Bill Plunkett of the Orange County Register) with regard to the opt-out clause that Wells will absolutely, in-no-way be exercising:

Why would you waive your no-trade clause [to accept a trade to the Angels] and then opt out one year later? I never really thought about using it. You do a contract and you ask for certain things. That happened to be one I asked for and got. To be honest with you, I think about it as often as I think about the money.

Maybe it’s just society, but people put too much on struggling. All of a sudden, everything is negative — you’re a bad guy; you’re unhappy. It’s a struggle, yeah. But that’s all it is. I’ve struggled before. Baseball is such a different game. You can be an All-Star one year, struggle the next year and become an All-Star again. It is what it is. This is a great place to live, a great place to play. I’ve got a lot of good years left and I look forward to having them there.

The author would be remiss not to announce sans haste that Wells should certainly take the money. Wells and another party — in this instance, the Toronto Blue Jays — entered into the agreement entirely of sound minds and bodies. The Blue Jays and a third party — in this instance, the Los Angeles Angels — entered into a separate agreement, theoretically of sound minds and bodies (although one wonders, certainly).

Having said that, invoking society is a practice better left to college undergraduates in their respective Intro to Composition courses — and to those same undergraduates, later on that evening, in their respective dorm rooms after smoking marijuana cigarettes.

More to the point, Aaron Gleeman has asked for, and is now receiving, the beginnings of the aforementioned meme.

Below, please find five images — all precisely 420 pixels in width — including the words “Maybe it’s just society” and:

1. The saddest possible ice cream cone.

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Even with his team leading the AL Wild Card race by a mere three games — and winning by only a single run in the fifth inning — Terry Francona isn’t the sort of person to pass up an opportunity to make solid-gold comedy, here capitalizing on the double-meaning of the word climate during Boston’s 4-3 win over Tampa Bay on Friday night.

Not captured as part of this footage is Francona saying, just seconds later, “Your move, Carrot Top.”

While, to the untrained eye, these various Cardinal rookies appear to be dressed in a haphazard assortment of humiliating costumes, the discerning reader will note the obvious theme among their respective outfits — namely, that each one represents a different era in David Bowie’s long and important musical career.

The idea, of course, comes courtesy of Lance Berkman, who’s on record as saying, apropos Bowie’s glam-rock alter ego, “Ziggy Stardust really taught me how to just be Lance Berkman.”

Image brought to the attention of NotGraphs via Jesse Wolfersberger.

Despite his conspicuous flaws — like his pitching, famously, and also his hitting, too, probably — Rick Ankiel continues to possess one of the league’s strongest (and, strangely, most accurate) throwing arms.

In fact, three of Ankiel’s most spectacular throws have occurred within the past two months. While none of them is so transcendent as either of the two outfield assists he recorded in a single game back in 2008, they’re certainly — each of them — exemplary examples of the genre.

Voila, readership:

7/29/11: Jason Bay at the plate.

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Washington National righty Brad Peacock made his first major-league start Wednesday night — an appearance that was much anticipated by the present author, if by few others. The 23-year-old struck out over a third of the batters he faced in 98.2 innings this year at Double-A Harrisburg — a figure that dipped to a still totally fine 23.5% after a mid-season promotion to Triple-A Syracuse.

Having only ever seen Peacock while under the influence of good cheer (and, it should be said, fermented beverages) at the recent FanGraphs event in San Francisco, I was happy to watch him again on Wednesday (under the influence of only one of the aforementioned stimuli).

Peacock wasn’t overwhelming, walking three while striking out just two in five innings, but he did occasionally feature a curveball that one could reasonably describe as having “aphrodisiac properties.”

Both curveballs you see here are from the third inning. The first one, above, is to Josh Satin and features 8.4 inches of glove-side movement and a full 10 inches of drop — relative to the league averages of 5.8 and 6.0, respectively, for a curveball.

The second one, below, is less impressive in terms of overall movement — 6.8 inches of glove-side movement and 8.1 inches of drop — but more impressive in that the person swinging and missing at it is the very talented Jose Reyes.

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Many will enter (bids), only one will leave (with an autographed Tom Milone hat).

The attentive reader, using the part of his brain responsible for memory, will recall how, yesterday, the author provided a clear-minded and level-headed status update on an autographed and game-worn Tom Milone hat recently made available at MiLB Auctions.

It’s with no little difficulty that the author maintains his trademark calm this Wednesday evening. For, in the hours between the present post and the one from yesternight, no fewer than nine bids have been placed on the Tom Milone hat in question, pushing the current high bid for said Tom Milone hat up to $26.00.

Despite the stark jump in price, many experts believe the game-worn and then autographed hat could eventually be worth enough to pay for an entire college education — or, that’s likely what experts would say were anyone to ask. With that sort of potential value at stake, it’s unlikely that bidding has ceased on this game-worn and autographed and green, yellow, and red Syracuse Chiefs hat from Latino night by Tom Milone at Alliance Bank Stadium on August 8, 2011.

Not since German blacksmith and noted beard enthusiast Johannes Gutenberg (pictured) introduced movable type to the entire world has said world been so excited about reading as it is today. For today is the same day that our Brothers in Literacy, Eric and Ted of Pitchers & Poets, have announced the first book to be read as part of their very exciting Pitchers & Poets Reading Club.

Although reading is difficult, and is actually used as a form of punishment in much of the country, it’s made slightly easier when done under the threat of peer pressure from totally faceless, and otherwise anonymous, virtual friends.

Are you the sort of person interested in details? These are they, courtesy the aforenamed Eric:

As a part of the reading club, we’ve invited some friends and fellow baseball writers to join us as we work through [Chad Harbach’s] The Art of Fielding a few chapters at a time. We’ll discuss the book, our feelings, and whatever else comes to mind as we move along, and hopefully generate conversation with you — the readers — who will read along with us at home. The plan is to read a certain number of chapters in a given time period with everyone tagging along, and at the end of each predetermined reading section we’ll provide our thoughts and invite fellow reading club members to participate. (Expect to read somewhere in the range of 100 pages every week.)

NotGraphs has learned that, among the aforementioned “friends,” NotGraphs’ own Dayn Perry and Navin Vaswani will be included. The present author has also taken steps towards becoming part of this Literary Circle, although there’s been some talk of “Italian people” being “ill-equipped” for “anything more complicated” than “unchecked procreation.”

More on that as this story develops.

Met reliever Ryota Igarashi officially joined the dark side Tuesday.

After years of bad press from George Lucas and his various iterations of the Star Wars saga, the dark side of the Force — via its main practitioners, the Sith people — has recently sought to rebrand its image.

Among the group’s most recent converts? Met relief pitcher Ryota Igarashi.

Igarashi was recently approached by Sith representatives regarding a potential conversion, and made said conversion official yesterday during a ceremonial lightsaber dedication at New York’s Citi Field.

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