It’s a question which, if not as old as time, per se, is at least as old as a one-day-old thing — namely, who, among all the world’s Daves or Davids Cameron, is the most powerful?

What follows is an attempt to answer to that same question, where power has been defined by a complex and proprietary algorithm informed primarily by personal wealth, social and political influence, and how easily the relevant Dave Cameron could have a person just, like, assassinated or whatever.

Using that same flawless methodology, here are the five most powerful Daves or Davids Cameron at the moment:

 
5. Dave Cameron, Web Editor, Ithaca College
Powerful if for no other reason than he’s cornered the market on Dave Cameron-related social-media handles, including at Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter.

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Psycho Killer, Eustache Dauger?

For no little time now, swift-footed Rumor has maintained that Russell Martin, in addition to serving as a talented major-league catcher for nearly a decade, is also the illegitimate brother of late (predominantly 17th century) French king, Louis XIV. Indeed, photographic evidence from tonight’s Pirates-Reds game suggests that — if not the Man in the Iron Mask, per se — that Martin is at least a man in half an iron mask. And also he speaks French, is even further evidence of how he’s probably the legendary character portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio in that one movie from that one time.

“What does the reader desire today?” the author asks himself as he sits down at his writing desk. “Serious and scholarly criticism of three baseball-themed clip-art images from the internet,” he answers his own self.

To wit:

What does this striking image show? The three men embody an animal force deeply absorbed by a painstaking task. The contrast between power and helplessness is forcefully rendered. The background image of a triangle both brings together and rends apart the triumvirate.

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It may not necessarily be the case that major-league debutant Brandon Cumpton’s slider is an excellent pitch. It’s probably the case that it features too much lateral movement to ultimately prove very effective against left-handed major-league hitters.

What is certainly the case, however, is that a combination of Cumpton’s excellent placement of the pitch to Dodgers leadoff hitter Skip Schumaker and Pittsburgh’s excellent camera angle have conspired here to create either Art Eternal or Art Mostly Eternal.

Because noted American painter Chuck Close has never done a portrait of San Francisco Giants right-hander Tim Lincecum, the image embedded here is by definition not an actual Chuck Close portrait of Tim Lincecum.

However, had Chuck Close ever done a portrait of Tim Lincecum, it would probably bear some resemblance to the image above.

The author would like to announce sans delay that — contrary to all of the rumors which have been totally swirling everywhere — that he acquired the animated GIF here of Cardinals prospect Mike O’Neill hitting his second home run of the season by entirely legal means and absolutely not in exchange for a tidy sum of cash on a street corner in Providence, Rhode Island, regardless of what supposed “photographic evidence” suggests.

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As noted in the introduction to his most recent appearance on FanGraphs Audio, Dayn Perry has recently cancelled his land-line phone service so that he might more ably shoulder the financial burden of having his child educated by Catholics. That being the case, the author of this post — and host of that podcast — was compelled to call Perry on his cell phone to record that episode, which cell-phone connection afforded what’s known in the industry as “shit sound quality.”

What follows is the (deleted) audio from the beginning of the aforementioned conversation — which includes not only an even less coherent Perry than usual, but also the entire and laborious process of Perry both downloading and registering with Skype.

The reader would do well to note that the following is not intended for people who are accustomed to making good life decisions.

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Over the last couple days, Dave Cameron has submitted what he considers to be the most reasonably constructed rosters for both the American League and National League’s All-Star teams, respectively. What follows is the author’s own version of that same exercise — except for actual stars in the universe.

Here are the author’s choices for the All-Star Star team, by luminosity classification:

Supergiant: R136a1
Discovered by British scientists in 2010. Most massive and also most luminous star known. One weakness: part of decidedly substandard constellation.

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Because it takes place within mostly idyllic surroundings, produces literally dozens of top draft picks per annum, and is also entirely free of charge, the Cape Cod League is really one of the great treasures of base-and-ball. That its 2013 season starts today (Wednesday), is the point of this post.

The point of this post is not to intimate at all that the author is an expert on the Cape League. That same author, for example, has only been to two games ever — not from a lack of wanting to, it should be noted, but rather from a confluence of factors involving mostly geographical and fiscal constraints.

So far as assorted notes on the Cape League are concerned, however, the author has managed to collect five of them:

• About one-third of the players taken in the first 10 rounds of this year’s draft were former Cape Leaguers.

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