Internet denizen Pat Andriola has brought to the world’s attention this actually official document, which reveals that R.A. Dickey was, in fact, the recipient of no less than one vote for New York’s most recent gubernatorial election.

While members of our crack Investigative Reporting Investigation Team have been unable to learn the identity of Dickey’s supporter, they (i.e. said Team) have discovered that it was, indeed, American filmmaker Woody Allen who voted for The Void.

The footage you see here is from the bottom of the eighth of last (Tuesday) night’s contest between San Diego and Colorado. On a 1-1 pitch to Rockie rookie Chris Nelson, Padre rookie reliever Evan Scribner threw basically the dictionary definition of a yakker.

The pitch, according to Pitch F/x data from Brooks Baseball, was thrown at 71 mph, had 4.7 inches of glove-side run and 11.2 of drop — this, relative to the major-league averages for a curve of 77, 5.8, and 6.0. Scribner’s averages, for reference, are as follows: 71.1, 6.1, 9.8. In other words, he’s generally throwing it slower and, consequently, with more depth, than an “average” curve. He threw three on Tuesday, but this was the deepest by, like, four inches.

While it may or may not be the case that Scribner’s curve is actually effective in terms of getting outs in the majors, it’s certainly a pleasure to watch… over and over and over. Big, bending curves like his are, for me, the baseballing equivalent of a young Sophia Loren in that my first impulse is to try and make a baby with it. Beyond that, Nelson’s reaction adds to the pleasure of this tableau — especially considering that the pitch is called a strike.

It looks like Scribner’s currently throwing the curvepiece ca. 38% of the time now, so, if you’re watching a Padre game and he (i.e. Scribner) called upon, you’re more than likely to see him.

http://youtu.be/-l3IXTQDsDg

Desks? Thrown!

Pitches outside the strike zone? Taken!

Scott Hatteberg? Frigging lionized!

I do love me some baseball, Nancy, and I do want to know where you’re going with this.

Grazie x 1000 to The Playlist via Erik Malinowski of Wired.com’s Playbook.

Scott Spiezio’s soul patch asks the big questions.

While NotGraphs readers are assuredly still chuckling audibly from yesterday’s post concerning Angeleno pitcher Rubby de la Rosa and his alarming condition, it’s actually the case that de la Rosa’s isn’t necessarily the strangest of the strange injuries.

Below are five totally real and so-not-fictional injuries to’ve happened to players of late.

Regard:

Player: Jim Edmonds
Injury: Ingrown Cleat
Comment: I recognize it doesn’t sound painful, but, like a paper cut or Intro to Anthropology, hurts way more than you’d expect.

Player: Johnny Cueto
Injury: Rejected Hoodie
Comment: This is less of a physical, and more of an emotional, injury. But that doesn’t make it any less real, okay.

Player: Scott Spiezio
Injury: Existential Angst Patch
Comment: This is that thing of when your soul patch enters a prolonged spiritual crisis.

Player: Craig Counsell
Injury: Dangerous Liaisons
Comment: Counsell and his rival, the Vicomte de Valmont, use sex as a weapon of humiliation and degradation, all the while enjoying their cruel games. Their targets are the virtuous (and married) Madame de Tourvel and Cécile de Volanges, a young girl who has fallen in love with her music tutor, the Chevalier Danceny. In order to gain their trust, Merteuil and Valmont pretend to help the secret lovers so they can use them later in their own treacherous schemes.

Player: Todd Coffey
Injury: Hysterical Pregnancy
Comment: There’s a fine line between a little overweight and being “with child,” turns out. Luckily for Coffey, this was just the former.

Top Gun-style bro hug to Craig Glaser, Adam M. Mirchin, and other Internet Friends for soul patch-related wisdom.

Dodger rookie pitcher Rubby de la Rosa left this past Sunday’s game against the Rockies with what appeared to be some kind of hand injury. If the above report on same has any verity to it, de la Rosa possesses some anatomical curiosities that could land him in Ripley’s or the equivalent — and would certainly go some way to explaining why his stuff is so filthy.*

*Denotes joke.

Merci to our man Jeff Zimmerman, who found this guffaw-inducing news item all up on the internet.

In the event that you haven’t heard, allow NotGraphs to inform you that Saturday afternoon saw Toronto infielder Mike McCoy make his major-league pitching debut, throwing a perfect inning of relief in the Blue Jays’ 16-4 loss to the division-rival Boston Red Sox.

Nine of McCoy’s pitches were classified as knuckleballs — not actually because they were knuckleballs, but because, as Dan Brooks tells us, they were thrown so slowly that Pitch F/x — like most parents — just didn’t understand.

It appears as though McCoy broke more than Pitch F/x, too. Of those same 12 pitches thrown by McCoy, three received swing-and-misses — i.e. roughly three times the major-league average of 8.4%.

Here are those pitches:

1. A 1-0 pitch to Carl Crawford:

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Embedded here, please find footage of every plate appearance from a recent wiffle match-up between the Portland Gothams and Bucktown Blue Jays of the Columbia Cowlitz Wiffleball Association (CCWA), one of our country’s very strongest wiffleball associations.

The game featured two of the league’s top pitchers in the Jays’ Mike Benkoski (first among qualified starters in ERA) and Gothams’ Thomas King (fourth).

Among the many splendors you’ll find here are:
• Portland’s Joe Occi getting hit in the head and grousing about it (0:46).
• Particularly excellent pitches from King at the following marks: 0:15, 0:20, 1:33, 1:38, 2:54, 3:54, 4:49, and 4:56.
• Joe Occi diving after, and missing entirely, a batted-ball (3:35).
• Excellent pitches from Benkoski, at the following: 2:24, 3:21, 4:13, 5:13, 5:18.
• Occi addressing the heavens in frustration directly after the nasty pitch from Benkoski at 5:18.

*Bold indicates extra nasty pitches.

As America’s Kid Brother Jackie Moore brought to our attention yesterday in a piece on the latter’s (unwitting) walk-off double, Nyjer Morgan is the sort of man prone to losing his mind.

Some due diligence courtesy of our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team reveals another curiosity from the giant, hypothetical file folder marked “All Things Nyjer Morgan” — namely, some kind of excerpt from a real or not real music video featuring Tony Plush himself.

Regard:

Your eyes do not deceive you, reader: that’s footage of Morgan doing the robot while wearing a silver Elvis wig, set to a song that sounds a lot like “I’m Not a Player” by deceased rapper Big Pun — except for, instead of Big Pun, it’s actually Nyjer Morgan revealing the truth about his nom de champ.

There are answers to the questions you’re asking, reader. Assuredly. Whether they exist in this, or an alternate, reality is a thing we can’t say with any certainty, however.

In 1997, noted critic Arthur C. Danto proclaimed the end of art.

In 2011, art is back… and it’s spectacular.

Ahem:

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UPDATE: Pitch F/x savant Mike Fast confirms what our better selves suspected — namely, that the above is not a splitter. Still, it’s 99 Sexy mph. And Brad Hawpe has no idea what’s happening.

The footage you see here is from the bottom of the sixth inning of last night’s Rockies-Padres game.

According to the Pitch F/x data (pitch id #321), this is Ubaldo Jimenez striking out Brad Hawpe on a 98.7 mph split-fingered fastball with 4.2 inches of arm-side run and 8.8 inches of sink.

Per the Pitch F/x data available at the site (which you can access by clicking “Show Averages” at Jimenez’ Pitch F/x page), the league-average splitter is thrown at about 85 mph, with ca. 5 inches of run and 3 or 4 inches of rise. (Predictably, Jimenez’ version is a bit more intense: his averages are 89.1, 4.6, and 5.9, respectively.)

Whatever’s going on here, it’s obvious that some manner of misclassification has occurred — either by Pitch F/x for calling the pitch a splitter, or by science for suggesting that Ubaldo Jimenez is human.