True Facts: Five Freak Injuries

Scott Spiezio’s soul patch asks the big questions.

While NotGraphs readers are assuredly still chuckling audibly from yesterday’s post concerning Angeleno pitcher Rubby de la Rosa and his alarming condition, it’s actually the case that de la Rosa’s isn’t necessarily the strangest of the strange injuries.

Below are five totally real and so-not-fictional injuries to’ve happened to players of late.

Regard:

Player: Jim Edmonds
Injury: Ingrown Cleat
Comment: I recognize it doesn’t sound painful, but, like a paper cut or Intro to Anthropology, hurts way more than you’d expect.

Player: Johnny Cueto
Injury: Rejected Hoodie
Comment: This is less of a physical, and more of an emotional, injury. But that doesn’t make it any less real, okay.

Player: Scott Spiezio
Injury: Existential Angst Patch
Comment: This is that thing of when your soul patch enters a prolonged spiritual crisis.

Player: Craig Counsell
Injury: Dangerous Liaisons
Comment: Counsell and his rival, the Vicomte de Valmont, use sex as a weapon of humiliation and degradation, all the while enjoying their cruel games. Their targets are the virtuous (and married) Madame de Tourvel and Cécile de Volanges, a young girl who has fallen in love with her music tutor, the Chevalier Danceny. In order to gain their trust, Merteuil and Valmont pretend to help the secret lovers so they can use them later in their own treacherous schemes.

Player: Todd Coffey
Injury: Hysterical Pregnancy
Comment: There’s a fine line between a little overweight and being “with child,” turns out. Luckily for Coffey, this was just the former.

Top Gun-style bro hug to Craig Glaser, Adam M. Mirchin, and other Internet Friends for soul patch-related wisdom.