“What do the people want?” the author has asked himself today. And: “When do they want it?” is another thing he’s wondered.
“French baseball news updates,” is the answer that’s presented itself. And: “Now,” appears to be the moment at which that sort of information would be most welcome.
On Thursday night against the Chicago Americans, right-handed Clevelander Danny Salazar recorded 10 strikeouts against just 18 batters; produced a single-game xFIP of 0.51; and yet somehow conceded five runs, all earned, over 3.2 innings (box). A cosmic miscarriage of justice, one feels compelled to describe it as.
While Communist Europe sleeps, Dean Anna homers into the lean American night.
While Communist Europe stamps its feet impatiently, Dean Anna eats contentedly beside the fire a stew made from stinging nettle and bonedust.
While Communist Europe wails like a child, Dean Anna fashions a crude but effective tourniquet from the uniform sleeve of the just-dead.
This coverage of Jayson Werth’s bat flip from Wednesday night — which bat flip directly proceeded a grand slam against Miami’s Carlos Marmol — is belated in the sense that ca. 18 hours have passed since it actually happened.
Earlier this afternoon, celebrated and young Cincinnati outfielder Billy Hamilton produced a run entirely by means of his generational footspeed — which sequence of events Jeff Sullivan documented slightly later this afternoon for the pages of FanGraphs.
The 19th century was marked by much unpleasantness in these United States that would have been ideally avoided. Like widespread outbreaks of diptheria among children, for example. Or like the conception — if not necessarily the birth — of future (and now late) senator Strom Thurmond.
In his Discourses, noted Roman Stoic Epictetus proclaims that, to live a life free from anxiety, that each of us must become like a “spiritual athlete.” To that end, NotGraphs presents this exercise, with a view towards helping to tighten and tone the spirits of the readership.
That these bears are feasting on these children’s entrails oughtn’t be regarded as objectively unfortunate.
Notes
In his season debut this past Wednesday, Cleveland right-hander Corey Kluber — in celebration of whom an eponymous Society exists, not for nothing — was decidedly ineffective, producing the highest single-game FIP among his 40-plus major-league appearances. Said performance created a pall of melancholy over those who derive some pleasure in Kluber and his success.
It’s not probable, but certainly possible, that German filmmaker and ubermensch among just regular menschen Werner Herzog has written a guide to baseball.
It’s possible, if not necessarily probable, that what follows constitutes brief excerpts from that selfsame text.
It’s not unusual for men, the majority of whom proceed through life under the influence of meticulously cultivated delusions, to find themselves consumed by sick horror when compelled finally to confront the reality of the human predicament. The batter’s experience of a well-thrown changeup is a microcosm of this nauseous epiphany.
Charlie Blackmon in Front of Angry, Red Bill Cosby (i.e. Art)
At certain points in the not very distant past, the present author has utilized his editorial privileges to the end of celebrating both the je ne sais quoi and also just the regular quoi of Colorado outfielder Charlie Blackmon.
To mark Blackmon’s notable 6-for-6 performance on Saturday (box) — and also to exploit that achievement to the end of driving more internet traffic — I’ve assembled links to all the pieces concerning Blackmon that have appeared at this prestigious internet weblog.
Below are the works in question, presented in chronological order. Note that dates have been presented in classic European fashion (dd/mm/yy) for Maximum Sophistication.
Turn on Your Heartlight: Rockies to Promote Blackmon (06/06/11)
In which Neil Diamond’s opus is used as directed.
8:01pm: Below is the footage of Tanaka’s first major-league swinging-strike — what appears to be, not surprisingly, a splitter to Jose Bautista. Much more surprisingly is how it came only after Tanaka conceded his first major-league home run.
