🎉
🎂
FanGraphs Turns 20! Thank you for supporting us for two decades!
🎂
🎉

Author Archive

Raul Ibañez Thinks Your Hand Stinks, Bro

Raul Ibañez is gonna give you a high-five, but he’s not gonna like it. Because, honestly, your hand looks kinda gross, and it kinda smells bad, too. Pine tar? More like poo-tar, bro. You might wanna wash them phalanges after you done doing what you do, you know?


“You pulling a Posada, bro?”

For real though, next time? Isn’t gonna be no high-five unless you scrub wit’ hot water, grapefruit soap, and a pumice stone. I mean, damn.
Read the rest of this entry »


Casting “The Art of Fielding”

In belated honor of Memorial Day (sorry Canadians!) . . .
 
Chad Harbach wrote a “Great American Novel” about America’s pastime. Or, at least he wrote “a big American novel of the old school” that has been very well-received. Now, The Art of Fielding is going to be made into an HBO series.

That fact, to me, begs the question: Who will play the parts of the main characters?

While a couple of my previous posts have addressed which actors would play which players in the not-yet-for-real MLB: The Movie, I thought it might be more interesting this time around to consider which players are best suited to play the characters in the novel.

 
Mike Schwartz: Schwartzy is a bulky catcher who grows a beard. He’s intensely motivational, more the coach of the Westish Harpooners than the actual coach. He’s not the best player, but he pulls his weight, and he makes other players on the team reach their potential, and keeps them motivated. He’s also addicted to painkillers.

Because I cannot go a day without googling Mike Napoli, he’s the first one that sprung to mind here. But while Nap-Dogg is a good body comp for Schwartzy (bulky, bearded catcher), he doesn’t match up with the character’s character: that of a motivational manager-in-waiting. Then, after googling “most selfless player baseball,” I kicked myself, because the first player to pop up (after an ironic reference to Alex Rodriguez) was Jason Varitek (also a bearded catcher), of whom Curt Schilling said, “In my 23 years of professional baseball I never played with or against a more selfless and prepared player….” That’s Schwartzy in a nutshell.
Read the rest of this entry »


New! Juan Pierre App for iPhone Lets You Filter Juan Pierre Through the Cultural Filter of Your Choice!

A new app, exclusively for iPhone and available for $4.99, allows you to filter any image of Juan Pierre through a variety of cultural filters. A few examples for your enjoyment:

The Dance Craze Filter:


Uh-huh, uhn!

 
Read the rest of this entry »


Anatomically Correct Infographics: Mike Napoli

I usually cannot go a single day without Googling Mike Napoli, I don’t know about you.

In a recent Google image search, I happened upon this infographic, which was part of an article by Mike Fast at Baseball Prospectus:

I was taken by how odd the silhouettes looked: the back knee appears hyperextended, the gut uncomfortably drawn in, the entire body unbalanced. The arched back makes the figure look weak and tired. It doesn’t look like any real-life ballplayer.

But mostly I was incredulous that this silhouette was meant to represent Mike Napoli . . . and I was determined to fix it accordingly. Thus:
Read the rest of this entry »


GIFage: Santiago Casilla Is Afraid of Ghosts

Casual baseball fans are sometimes confused as to why pitchers, who theoretically should have an in-depth knowledge of pitch sequences and the ways pitches move, are almost uniformly crappy hitters.

Indeed, it’s difficult to imagine that some pitchers — as Giants closer Santiago Casilla did in his second ever big-league plate appearance last night at Miller Park — are so confused in the batter’s box that they appear frightened even of pitches that are not especially close to them:


Boo.

Read the rest of this entry »


Dale Thayer Is Probably Gonna Puke Now


Dale is about to knock on your door, ask to use your bathroom real quick.

Dale Thayer had a pretty bitchin’ Wednesday.

Woke up about nooner, pulled an Icer — that’s what he calls Icehouse — from the mini-fridge next to his bed, slid his fungal toes into his flip-flops. By the time he made it to the full-sized fridge in the kitchen, it was time for another Icer. Cold as ever. Free shivers, you know what I’m sayin’? Poured a bit on his toes — alcohol kills off the fungus.
Read the rest of this entry »


Hunter Pence’s Homerun Face

Hunter Pence is on the verge of exploding at all times.

That is all.


Dustin Ackley, White Hat, One Boot, a Pony

Some things contain multitudes. So does this:


A moment of bliss.

Close your eyes.

Imagine you are Dustin Ackley.
Read the rest of this entry »


Hot GIF: Joey Votto Dance Craze

It may not have been Hamiltonian, but Joey Votto hit three homeruns yesterday.

Upon striking the last of the homeruns — a grand slam — Votto did a little skip out of the batter’s box. When duplicated, reversed, looped, and GIF’d, said skip has the potential to create a veritable dance craze:

GIF after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »


Sergio Santos Party House

Are you wondering what Toronto Blue Jays right-hander Sergio Santos is doing whilst on the Disabled List?

Well, the NotGraphs infamous and dowdy Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has been hot on the trail of the erstwhile closer, and has discovered that Santos is the namesake of the Andrew WK-owned Santos Party House club/venue/lounge in lower Manhattan. During his recovery, Santos been hobnobbing with AWK at various of the club’s events:


“We are your mother-father, we are your final friend…”

Read the rest of this entry »