Raul Ibañez Thinks Your Hand Stinks, Bro

Raul Ibañez is gonna give you a high-five, but he’s not gonna like it. Because, honestly, your hand looks kinda gross, and it kinda smells bad, too. Pine tar? More like poo-tar, bro. You might wanna wash them phalanges after you done doing what you do, you know?

“You pulling a Posada, bro?”

For real though, next time? Isn’t gonna be no high-five unless you scrub wit’ hot water, grapefruit soap, and a pumice stone. I mean, damn.

—
Dan Uggla is gonna give you a little elbow bash, but he’s not sure what that means, really. He’s sorta worried about it, actually.

“What are you doing, Jason? Oh, a little elbow bash. Ok, I guess. Easy though.”

In fact, all of a sudden, Dan Uggla feels like a scrawny dog who’s been beaten since puppihood, your raised hand conjuring dark memories. It’s taken him years to suppress these memories, and now here they are again, resurrected through your fist raised towards him…