One reason I love writing for NotGraphs is that, while I’m pretty filled with rage on a daily basis, this allows me to revel in the joy that baseball creates in my heart and my soul during those brief moments when I’m not up my own ass with self-important, self-righteous ranting. I love loving baseball, and I love that NotGraphs not only celebrates the stuff enhances my love of baseball, but pays me in real American dollars to write things about the things that enhance my love of baseball. Go NotGraphs, basically, is what I’m saying.

So it’s with some slight trepidation that I want to introduce young Trey Masek, the fifth round selection of the Chicago Bearcubs in baseball’s Rule 4 Draft. Why am I hesitant to introduce him? Because this could easily be taken as a post intended to shame a 21 year old kid. And I, in absolutely no way, want this to be a post like that. I mean, if I were able to talk to my 21 year old self, he and I would have a huge discussion about what a fucking idiot he’s being in any number of arenas, and that maybe he should tone it down with the being an immature little goblin of a man. And by all means, take an economics class like your grandfather wanted you to.

But I’ve digressed. Back to Trey Masek, a young man with a hopefully bright future, and a Twitter account. A Twitter account whose bio, until yesterday, read as follows:

 

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Hello and welcome to another episode of Barreling It with Giancarlo Stanton. Alright Giancarlo, ready to play?

Here’s the question. It’s the top of the 6th inning. You’re down two runs. There’s a man on and you’re in a 2-0 count. Patrick Corbin throws you a 93 MPH fastball down the middle. What do you do?

GS: “I think the answer is Barrel It.”

That is correct. Join us next time for another episode of Barreling It with Giancarlo Stanton.

It’s a question which, if not as old as time, per se, is at least as old as a one-day-old thing — namely, who, among all the world’s Daves or Davids Cameron, is the most powerful?

What follows is an attempt to answer to that same question, where power has been defined by a complex and proprietary algorithm informed primarily by personal wealth, social and political influence, and how easily the relevant Dave Cameron could have a person just, like, assassinated or whatever.

Using that same flawless methodology, here are the five most powerful Daves or Davids Cameron at the moment:

 
5. Dave Cameron, Web Editor, Ithaca College
Powerful if for no other reason than he’s cornered the market on Dave Cameron-related social-media handles, including at Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter.

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Psycho Killer, Eustache Dauger?

For no little time now, swift-footed Rumor has maintained that Russell Martin, in addition to serving as a talented major-league catcher for nearly a decade, is also the illegitimate brother of late (predominantly 17th century) French king, Louis XIV. Indeed, photographic evidence from tonight’s Pirates-Reds game suggests that — if not the Man in the Iron Mask, per se — that Martin is at least a man in half an iron mask. And also he speaks French, is even further evidence of how he’s probably the legendary character portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio in that one movie from that one time.

“What does the reader desire today?” the author asks himself as he sits down at his writing desk. “Serious and scholarly criticism of three baseball-themed clip-art images from the internet,” he answers his own self.

To wit:

What does this striking image show? The three men embody an animal force deeply absorbed by a painstaking task. The contrast between power and helplessness is forcefully rendered. The background image of a triangle both brings together and rends apart the triumvirate.

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A Rays Fan and a Royals Fan debate.

RAYS FAN: Myers is totally ready. It’s a travesty he’s been in the minors for this long. He’s going to get a hit every time up and help the Rays win the World Series.

ROYALS FAN: Whatever, I’m sure he sucks, because everyone the Royals touch ends up sucking.

RAYS FAN: Wait, I thought you were a Royals fan.

ROYALS FAN: I am, but what that means in the 21st century is simply embracing the reality that nothing good will ever happen for us ever again.

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He's arrived. Wil Myers called up to the #Rays. #WelcomeHome

— Tampa Bay Rays (@RaysBaseball) June 16, 2013

Hey. He lost his big feather.
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