I mean Anagram Contest Winners.
VERY HONORABLE MENTIONS:
From Big Daddy V:
DELMON YOUNG: Ungodly Omen
From Reillocity:
JOSH REDDICK: DJ Horsedick
From Valen Dreath:
PABLO SANDOVAL: Panda Oval Slob
From Well-Beered Englishman:
JOE BUCK AND TIM MCCARVER: Dim Jock, Vacant Cerebrum
From Danny Knobgobbler:
CARSON CISTULLI: Local Crisis Nut
AND THE WINNER:
From Chris Cwik:
MADISON BUMGARNER: Bang me, Mr. Dinosaur
In which Pete Rose translates towering works of poetry.
In today’s episode, Pete Rose will translate Ezra Pound’s imagist opus “In a Station of the Metro” from the original English into Pete Rose American.
Mr. Pound’s original:
The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.
Mr. Rose’s translation:
The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.
Grocery list: Cigarettes, olive loaf, whore, a plan.
This has been “Poetry, Translation by Pete Rose.”
Recently, in the midst of an auto trip from Chicago to Grand Rapids, the author opened (for reasons that remain mysterious) a pack of 1987 Topps at a Starbucks in Michigan City — and documented the experience for America. With a view to capitalizing cynically on the success of that first post, the author presents this hastily composed sequel, in which he opens a pack of 1990 Fleer at a cafe right by his tastefully decorated apartment in Madison, Wisconsin.
It was a different time, you understand. 1957, or ’58…
It was 1957. The Braves had just returned home to Milwaukee after besting the New York Yankees in the World Series. A crowd of 750,000 people — a number greater than the entire population of Milwaukee proper even at its peak in the early 1960s — met their hometown nine (and then some) in the streets to celebrate.
The Milwaukee Sentinel of the day, its front page bestamped with a large, red, racist image of a Native American…
…relished the fact that the team defeated was the Yankees, depicting them as, among other things, “bushed.”
It was a different time, you understand.
It was an emotional weekend at NotGraphs Staff Headquarters in Kamloops, British Columbia. Tears were shed, throats were punched, and the situation grew desperate when Eno Sarris poured out all the Kokanee in a fit of beer-righteous rage. Somehow, in the eleventh hour, a hasty and ill-advised compromise was hammered out, and we can now declare the results of the mercifully completed Villanelle Challenge.
Separate winners were selected from the staff and from the readership. The latter will have the honor of having their poem read aloud during a subsequent episode of FanGraphs Audio by none other than the until-this-moment-unaware Carson Cistulli, while Dayn Perry shudders as the structured rhyme violates his delicate sensibilities. They will also receive, via postal mail delivery, a 1983 Topps Von Hayes baseball card in Very Good condition, retailing at $0.03. The winner of the staff division will win a Dick Allen shrinkydink, which is naturally priceless.
Without further ado, the envelope:
Winners get their anagrams featured in a post later this week! What a prize!
These will not be the winners:
JUSTIN UPTON: Justin Up? Not.
MIKE TROUT: Mike Tutor
STEPHEN STRASBURG: Pets Banter, Shrugs
ANDREW MCCUTCHEN: Mac Crunched Newt
CLAYTON KERSHAW: Cy Heals War Knot
JUSTIN VERLANDER: Revel, Ninja Turds
BJ UPTON: BJ Up? Not.
These are a little better:
DUSTIN PEDROIA: Pa, I Dun Steroid!
BUSTER POSEY: Super Best, Yo.
(No, this is not the first time I’ve posted about anagrams.)
A simple request this weekend begat a nerdgasm: Maury Brown asked for favorite concert on twitter, and just a little listicle tickling jarred something loose.
It wasn’t so much the particulars of the list. I’ve liked a lot of bands, and in my case, it was as easy as picking the best of each genre. Phish played from before midnight till dawn of 2001 in the swamps in Florida, that was pretty amazing. One of the hipster halloween shows — Flaming Lips in London or Fischerspooner in New York — had to be there, although since I was a perfect Kenny G in New York, I suppose that’s the pick. Arthur Lee and Love got the ‘orchestral arrangement’ pick. Amon Tobin’s ISAM got the electronica pick, even if Goldie at The End in London was epic. Burning Spear with 500 people on the beach in Negril got the reggae bid. The Meters at the Fillmore for funk. Goldfinger and Reel Big Fish together in some category or another, even if Less Than Jake’s spiderman dude makes for a lot of fun. Ratatat at Terminal Five has to register.
When I got to the hip hop entry, the saber side of me began to percolate.
Villanelle week. By now you should know. Villanelle week.
Others have tried:
• Regarding Who Isn’t the Boss of Me
• Villabelle
• Fantasy Choices I Have Made
• Nick Punto, One Time, Tried to Break His Bat
• Who Should Be in the Hall of Fame?
• Tale of VandenHurk
Only one can succeed. This is poetry. Only one can succeed, and that one is me:
The above tweet is from Jerry Crasnick, and is a quote from superagent Scott Boras.
While one can’t help but appreciate Mr. Boras’ savoir faire, this line is totally something my grandpa, or perhaps your grandpa, would say.
If Mr. Boras is reading this — and since he most certainly has a Google alert set up for himself, I assume he is — I offer him some other Grandpaish sayings to use whenever he feels the need arise:
Regarding the household: A Happy Wife is a Happy Life
Regarding productivity: There’s No Substitution for Elbow Grease
Regarding bathroom etiquette during water shortages: If it’s Yellow, Let it Mellow. If it’s Brown, Flush it Down.
Regarding platonic relationships: You Can Pick Your Friends, and You Can Pick Your Nose, but You Can’t Pick Your Friend’s Nose
Regarding arguing tactics: Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining
Regarding for whom one should root: My Favorite Team is the [local team] and Whoever is Playing the [most direct rival to said local team]
Regarding choosing a sexual partner: You Don’t Stare at the Hearth When You’re Poking at the Fire
Regarding the Chinese: *removed by administrator*
Regarding an appropriate time to consume alcohol: It’s Noon Somewhere
Regarding the usefulness of a thing: That’s Slicker than Snot on a Doorknob
Heart-pounding quiz, after the jump!
