Other Grandpa Sayings Scott Boras Can Use

The above tweet is from Jerry Crasnick, and is a quote from superagent Scott Boras.

While one can’t help but appreciate Mr. Boras’ savoir faire, this line is totally something my grandpa, or perhaps your grandpa, would say.

If Mr. Boras is reading this — and since he most certainly has a Google alert set up for himself, I assume he is — I offer him some other Grandpaish sayings to use whenever he feels the need arise:

Regarding the household: A Happy Wife is a Happy Life

Regarding productivity: There’s No Substitution for Elbow Grease

Regarding bathroom etiquette during water shortages: If it’s Yellow, Let it Mellow. If it’s Brown, Flush it Down.

Regarding platonic relationships: You Can Pick Your Friends, and You Can Pick Your Nose, but You Can’t Pick Your Friend’s Nose

Regarding arguing tactics: Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining

Regarding for whom one should root: My Favorite Team is the [local team] and Whoever is Playing the [most direct rival to said local team]

Regarding choosing a sexual partner: You Don’t Stare at the Hearth When You’re Poking at the Fire

Regarding the Chinese: *removed by administrator*

Regarding an appropriate time to consume alcohol: It’s Noon Somewhere

Regarding the usefulness of a thing: That’s Slicker than Snot on a Doorknob