Hot GIF Action: Wobble Bats!!!
A hat tip to Jason Brannon of Baseball Nation for sharing this delightfully painful image of Yadier Molina’s bat trembling with what we must assume is knuckle-rattling torque:
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Archive for October, 2012
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Inserting the 2012 Yankees into Synopses of Children’s Literature
In which the members of the AL East Champion New York Yankees are inserted into the blurbs on the backs of chapter books, thus imbuing both man and literature with additional gravitas.
Night of the Living Dummy
When twins Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter find a ventriloquist’s dummy in a dumpster, Derek decides to rescue it, and he names it Slappy.
But Alex is green with envy. It’s not fair. Why does Derek get to have all the fun and all the attention? Alex decides to get a dummy of his own. He’ll show Derek. Then weird things begin to happen. Nasty things. Evil things.
It can’t be the dummy causing all the trouble. Can it?
Nick T. Swisher Is a Beauty Shop Guy
What’s the bestest job ever?
A beauty shop guy, that’s what! And Nick Swisher is going to be one when he grows up. But first he needs a little practice. And a few volunteers. Like his bunny slippers. And his dog. And maybe even… himself? Is Nick on his way to a new career? Or is he about to have the worst hair day ever?
Raul Ibanez Is: Rampant
Raul Ibanez had always scoffed at his eccentric mother’s stories about killer unicorns. But when one of the monsters attacks his friend and teammate, Brett Gardner – thereby ruining any chance of them going to the World Series – Raul finds himself headed to Rome to train as a unicorn hunter in the ancient cloisters the hunters have used for centuries.
Put Jason Motte’s Beard on It
Look at that thing. Look at it. The breadth and fullness of Jason Motte’s beard will never cease to inspire awe in me. I’m not celebrating it based on some hipster ideals based in irony and cheekiness, I generally love Jason Motte’s beard. My voice temporarily drops an octave every time I look at it. Jason Motte’s beard can cut down trees and jump start 18-wheelers. Ladies who brush up against it, even by happenstance, will menstruate on the spot. Jason Motte’s beard is one of the last remaining members of the Bull Moose Party, and is the sheriff of this God-damned town. It can drink a bear under the table, and once bare-knuckle boxed with Sasquatch. Jason Motte’s beard will take you to the Promised Land. Just grab a whisker and hang on.
Pujols’s Knee Injury More Serious Than First Expected
October 18, 2012
Joe Strauss reports today at the St. Louis-Post Dispatch that Los Angeles Angels first baseman Albert Pujols underwent knee surgery last week in St. Louis.
However, while Strauss’s source has described the procedure as a “minor” one intended to “clean-up” the joint, some crack analysis by our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team reveals that Pujols’s knee injury — and the corresponding procedure to correct it — were likely much more serious than anyone knows.
By way of example, here’s an image of Pujols from near the end of the season:
“Nothing amiss,” you say, right? “Here is a baseball player, playing baseball,” you continue. And, yes: to the naked eye, Pujols appears to be as fit as any number of fiddles you’d care to invoke.
Pun Headline of the Day: Reign Delayed
Congratulations to the Detroit Free Press.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.
Sometimes it doesn’t even rain.
Max Scherzer stood in the Tigers’ locker room, looking all-too refreshed. He was supposed to pitch Game 4 on Wednesday night at Comerica Park. Now he was pulling on a sweatshirt. His dream deferred, he was going home — even though he was yet to see a raindrop.
“Have you ever been rained out of a game when it didn’t rain?” someone asked him
“Yeah. Last year in the ALCS, actually. We were in Texas. They called it at 3 o’clock. It never rained.”
He smirked.
“And I was supposed to pitch.”
Deja plu.
(OK. That was a French reference. Either you got it or you didn’t. It’s a rainout column. We use what we can.)
For Your Consideration: Dayn Perry’s Drinking Log
October 17, 2012
News you can use… to feel better about your own drinking habits.
Dayn Perry, of both CBSSports.com’s Eye on Baseball and the present charming weblog, made it known recently during an appearance on FanGraphs Audio that he has made a habit of recording, via some manner of internet spreadsheet, a (mostly) accurate account of the number of adult beverages that he (i.e. Perry) has consumed every day since last November.
Today, by means both nefarious and degrading, the author has acquired the internet spreadsheet in question — to which spreadsheet the reader himself can gain access by clicking here.
Ichiro’s Hat: A Study
Baseball allows for more expression of individual style than many team sports. A player can wear high socks or baggy pants that cover his shoes; he can have all manner of hair hanging out of his helmets/hat; he can (if he doesn’t play for the Yankees) rock some pretty awesome facial hair. There’s lots of time to be silly in the dugout, bullpen, and clubhouse and build a reputation for being a “character.”
Ichiro Suzuki has a unique style, that’s for sure. But as far as I can tell, Ichiro is the only player to wear a non-standard fielder’s cap. Consider this image, which is from Game 1 of the ALCS:
You see how it’s spherical, right? Form-fitting? Let’s compare Ichiro’s cap to some of his former Mariners teammates. Read the rest of this entry »
(Some of the) Best Baseball Writing of the 2012 Season
As your playoff teams get eliminated, you need something to read. This is not an exhaustive list. That’s why we have a comments section. These are the best pieces I read (thanks, Instapaper!) since January. Share yours!
(listed chronologically)
Q&A: Ben Cherington, Red Sox GM
David Laurila / FanGraphs / January 13, 2012
Will Cholesterol Kill Baseball?
Matthew Futterman / WSJ / January 27, 2012
Managing Expectations: Baseball’s Next Big Inefficiency
Ben Lindbergh / Baseball Prospectus / January 31, 2012