What Are the Baseball-Specific Muscles?

As reported on yesterday by MLB.com’s Bill Chastain, Tampa Bay Rays pitcher Matt Moore is working his way back from elbow soreness. After his Sunday bullpen session, the left-hander was in good spirits, giving this insightful quote:

Today it was really just a great conditioning day for my shoulder, my lat, all the baseball-specific muscles.

It is clear that Matt Moore, science nerd, has science knowledge about science things that most of us did not even know existed, scientifically, in the first place — chiefly, baseball-specific muscles.

My interest piqued, I spent some time researching the fake internets of my mind and compiled the following list of baseball-specific muscles. This list is by no means comprehensive; feel free to add your own findings in the comments.

• sitim restinguere, or “the muscle of champions” – The only way to build this muscle is to have large coolers of iced beverages dumped over them.
• shoulder – Reclassified by Matt Moore as a baseball-specific muscle in 2013.
• lat – the baseball-specific equivalent of the latissimus dorsi.
• deridens diu pilam, or “the laughable long balls” – named in honor of the biceps of Gabe Kapler, the size of these “bad boys” is not necessarily linked to the frequency or distance of home runs.
• lignum proiciente, or “the bat-flipping muscle” – While all who play baseball professionally theoretically possess this muscle, we find that it is underdeveloped in some while being the predominant baseball-specific muscle in others.
• determinatur sordibus, or “the hustle muscle” – Delightfully rhymy, this muscle is generally only found in shorter and lither ballplayers and is often inversely proportional to other baseball-specific muscles; said to keep developing into old age, so it is often quite large in coaches and managers. Fun fact: Adam Dunn had an emergency determinatadectomy while in high school.
• carsons cistulli/dayns perry – The ability to capture the spirit of the game is centered in the groin, of course. While the dayns perry constantly pushes the loins outward, so as to unfurl the baseball-literadong from its editorial swaddling, the carsons cistulli is always working to restrain said while emanating its own joie de vivre. Ideally, these muscles are equally developed; sadly, they rarely are.
• lapso melius, or “slide-right” – These are the muscles used when a runner is trying to break up a double play; without them the top leg would remain along the ground and limply absorb the bag.