Walk Up, Walk Tall

Here is a list of the current walk-up songs used by the Tampa Bay Rays, to the best of my knowledge.

Ben Zobrist: “Behind Me” – Julianna Zobrist
Desmond Jennings: “Mercy” – Kanye West
Evan Longoria: “Down and Out” – Tantric
Elliot Johnson: “Foxey Lady” – Jimi Hendrix
Jose Lobaton: “We Are Young” – Fun
Matt Joyce: “I Can’t Stop” – Flux Pavilion
Sam Fuld: “Electric Feel” – MGMT
Sean Rodriguez: “I’m A Believer” – Tedashii
James Loney: “Wild Boy” – Machine Gun Kelly
Yunel Escobar: “El Animal” – Gente De Zona
Kelly Johnson: “Bulls on Parade” – Rage Against The Machine
Jose Molina: “Suave y Lentel” – Jowell and Randy
Luke Scott: “Rock You Like a Hurricane” – Scorpions

These are lame, as I’m sure you will agree. In fact, the vast majority of walk-up songs in Major League Baseball are lame. This is not surprising; baseball players are paid to play baseball, not to cultivate sophisticated aesthetic tastes. They need help, and I propose to give it to them, via a campaign I call “Walk Up, Walk Tall: Purging Illiteracy in Music from Professional Sports (PIMPS).” Because the Rays, with their reputation for studious innovation, seem like especially promising candidates for assistance, I am kicking off this campaign in Tampa.

Now, one of the basic tenets of my philosophy is that in the interest of solidarity, major league lineups should share a musical theme. For the Rays, the theme I suggest is “Rays.” Where I need your help, readers, is in pairing each hitter of Tampa Bay with the most appropriate song by a Ray. The sampling of tunes below should get you off to a running start.

“Stranger in Paradise” (Ray Conniff)

“Texas Flood” (Stevie Ray Vaughan)

“Mess Around” (Ray Charles)

“Still in the Groove” (Ray Parker Jr.)

“Ain’t Your Dog No More” (Billy Ray Cyrus)

“Crazy Arms” (Ray Price)

“Falls Apart” (Sugar Ray)

“Too Drunk to Fish” (Ray Stevens)

“Beg, Steal, or Borrow” (Ray LaMontagne)

“Sexy Can I” (Ray J)

“To the Metal!” (Gamma Ray)