The New York Post News Quiz

Answer the following questions, testing your critical analysis skills:

1. “The cost is what is keeping Mets fans away from the ballpark” suffers from the same logical flaw as which of the following sentences?
(a) The cost is what is keeping music fans away from the Right Said Fred Reunion Tour.
(b) The cheese is what is keeping hungry people from eating a grilled cheese and rotten tuna bones sandwich.
(c) The maggots are what is keeping people from eating that corpse over there.
(d) Bartolo Colon.

2. The man in the picture:
(a) Works for The New York Post.
(b) Had a better seat, but didn’t want to be able to see the Mets lose quite so clearly.
(c) Needed somewhere to quietly reflect.
(d) Has been photoshopped in.

3. The full article mentions the $6.25 hot dog cost, highest in the game. The cost of hot dogs is a factor driving attendance to the same degree as:
(a) What’s inside the hot dog.
(b) The brand of mustard.
(c) Ruben Tejada.
(d) Which alternate uniform the team is wearing on a given day.

4. Also from the article: “John Canova, who lives in East Meadow, bought Mets season tickets from 2001 through last year. He gave up this year, he said, because he found it exceedingly difficult to sell the tickets for games he didn’t attend….” Based on this sentence, which of the following is true:
(a) John Canova has been in a coma since 2008.
(b) John Canova has too much disposable income.
(c) John Canova has spent a lot of time on the StubHub website.
(d) All of the above.

5. “Michael Weinstat, a registered investment advisor who lives in Woodbury, owned Mets season tickets with a friend from 1987-2009. He gave up after ’09 because, armed with the public knowledge that the Mets had lost so much money to Bernard Madoff, he saw the storm coming.” Michael Weinstat:
(a) Is clearly the reason the Mets haven’t won the World Series since 1986.
(b) Knows he is the reason the Mets haven’t won the World Series since 1986 and feels awful about it.
(c) Is making up this so-called “friend.”
(d) Indirectly lost a lot of money to Bernard Madoff.

If you answered (a), (b), (c), or (d) to any of these questions, you are correct. You win as many Mets tickets as you want.

Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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10 years ago

To be fair, “Nobody goes to Mets games because the Mets suck” just doesn’t fill column inches or qualify as “narrative,” and we all know that sports fans want narrative these days.