TechGraphs Monday News Headlines

by
September 8, 2014

  • New Derek Jeter-themed iPhone app looks at statistics and tells players when it is time to retire.
  • Everth Cabrera arrested for driving driverless car.
  • Rangers announce robot will replace Ron Washington for remainder of season.
  • Cards, Brewers exchange texts after controversial hit-by-pitch.
  • Jonathan Lucroy has broken his smart phone.
  • Justin Verlander tweets naked pictures of himself while on mound during start.
  • The calculator on Chris Davis’s phone does not display enough digits to show his batting average as anything greater than zero.
  • New technology able to bring Bud Selig back to life.
  • Watch a robotic arm count the Astros television viewers on his robotic fingers.
  • Did a computer generate these headlines? Click here to find out.
  • The 123,456,789 things you need to know about Justin Verlander’s e-mail password.





 

Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Clock
9 years ago

#KeepNotGraphs. Please!

9
MustBunique
9 years ago
Reply to  Clock

Dear competent person who could make this happen:

Sell #KeepNotGraphs shirts. Hmmm?

1
Thanks, Comcast
9 years ago
Reply to  MustBunique

Or banana hammocks. Then we can all go to the beach and thrust for awareness.

1