Shorter Baseball Columnists!

It’s time for another installment of “Shorter Baseball Columnists,” in which we read mainstream baseball columnists and marginalized bloggers like Murray Chass so you don’t have to! Let us begin!

Shorter Jim Souhan: Joe Mauer would be a lot tougher if he had Jim Souhan muscles instead of Joe Mauer muscles.

Shorter Bill Plaschke: I don’t care what anyone else says, but Frank McCourt did not, under cover of darkness, murder Vin Scully and Tommy Lasorda.

Shorter Dan Shaughnessy: You might think that what’s going on with the Dodgers has nothing to do with the Red Sox, but please remember that everything has something to do with the Red Sox.

Shorter Wallace Matthews: I just looked at Jorge Posada’s splits for this season.

Shorter Murray Chass: Tyler Kepner of the Times interviewed Roberto Clemente’s biographer on the subject of Clemente. I interviewed a buddy of mine from junior high. Advantage, me.

Shorter T.J. Simers: This is quite possibly Jamey Carroll’s fault.

The “Shorter” approach to Internetty commentary traces back, as best as one can tell, to Daniel Davies.