“[Redacted]ing Up the Whole Site”

Friends, allow me to pull back the curtain and show you how the sausage is made by sharing with you some private correspondence not intended for your eyes. Prepare to be totally shocked and appalled:


I’m taking the week off this week, for all of your information.

I’m in the very south part of the heel of Italy.

I don’t know most of what anyone’s saying.

Here’s a picture of me with a strange dog that my wife took: http://instagram.com/p/o9OBR9sjHZ/

Here’s a picture of me from the day before that, probably writing the next great epigram: http://instagram.com/p/o8JitwMjCu/.

Don’t [redacted word unsuitable for your eyes] up the whole site this week (ahem, David Temple).

Tell your mothers I love them. [Ed. note: Mom says you know the restraining order says you’re not allowed to contact her anymore.]”

While the language and sentiment of the message’s sender may be disturbing, surely some of you are concerned what will happen to me, given my egregious breach of trust. Do not trouble your heart. I am confident that I will get away with it because A) it’s Carson and B) as he points out, he’s not paying attention to anything this week. I am free and clear to do whatever I want.

Which is why I feel totally comfortable posting pictures of a dick and balls on Notgraphs:

Dick Allen


This has been Mike refuses to follow orders, takes NotGraphs back to middle school and maybe gets fired. Whatever, it was worth it.

Mike Bates co-founded The Platoon Advantage, and has written for many other baseball websites, including NotGraphs (rest in peace) and The Score. Currently, he writes for Baseball Prospectus and co-hosts the podcast This Week In Baseball History. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter @MikeBatesSBN.

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Paul Pleiss
9 years ago

When you fail to follow the rules, someone gets hurt. When you fail to follow Carson’s disturbing email, internet greatness is found.