Rare Footage: Cross-Dressing Ruth Fondles Sorority Girls, Taunts Overweight People

Many of you have surely wondered: why don’t women play more baseball? Here the legendary Babe Ruth, staunch fitness advocate and tireless sports educator, tackles that question with all the diplomacy and sophistication you’d expect. The answer, as it turns out, is that women are hopelessly ignorant, uncoordinated, vain, distractible, and handicapped at every turn by their fat sisters. But however futile his efforts to mold the fairer sex, Ruth’s wisdom shines through for the rest of us, in such pearls of hard-won baseball insight as:

On pitching: “So you wind up, and when you throw it, just follow your arm right through.”

On hitting: “I’ve often been asked the difference between a baseball swing and a golf swing…Notice that the stance at the start of both swings is alike…The follow-through in both is exactly alike.”

On fielding: “On a slow ground ball like this, an infielder runs in at full speed, and throws the ball. He must be very accurate with his throw.”

And to think how close this came, this priceless window into a master’s craft, to being consigned to the dustbin of history! Watch, gentle readers, and learn! And if, by some misfortune, you happen to be female — fear not! We, like the Babe, will be there to snatch you from the jaws of failure.